OMNICELL's Blog

by **OMNICELL** on Tue Feb 18, 2025 5:29 pm

Making a women a women friend… Women+Friend…
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I was never able to do this after being around my mother; or what ever that monster is… and that may really be the problem…
I saw 2 much from the beginning of my life in several women who were in control of families; they were pure unadulterated evil… All of them. I don’t want more if it around me….
I was a witness to this when I was a small child; very very small child infant; just able to remember at 3 ½ years old and onward… and through my childhood.
I was fooled not by my mother; that was never fooled.
Later Ill see it everywhere in the family systems I would attempt to be friends with or relatives… I cant speak for my aunt and uncles but they never really wanted anything to do with me; They lied… They wanted nothing to do with my Father; they did not feel safe with my father around. I was a child so it appeared they were nice to me; but it was fake; as soon as they got rid of him coming over to their homes; I was suddenly not their relative anymore; they didn’t want me; or want me to stop by. They never wanted anything to do with me; it was fake.
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The women I saw were dangerous and abusive or worse… Those were the only women I was around. I was ripped to pieces by these monsters; not just women; Men and women; all of them pure evil when I was young… I had no idea thats what they were. The only that kept me safe when young was my father; because they would not try to destroy something of his; he was a combat vet from WW2… He was in bad bad battles. They wouldnt touch me; but after I was thrown away at age 9; it didn’t matter anymore; my father never wanted me; they were just playing with little kids and then dumping them… No conscious; nothing.
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So; when I think of relationships; I have to do the work to learn how to go beyond that basic Gap; Its a Gap; This gap was started by being given away when young; child. This gap started by my father then failing me again… My mother setting me up after dumping me; I had to go somewhere; they didn’t care about me; I had to go back and live with my Grandmother; where sexual abuse; they were a bunch of pure evil sinister monsters… They created my mother. I had a best friend; he betrayed me; claimed it was all my fault and I deserved the abuse and basically that I had always been White trash in his families eyes. And this left me devastated and heart broken. And in literal shock. I never forced those people to have anything to do with me; Instead; their parents used me to baby their son and make sure he didn’t grow up alone; Several years later I could feel it; I could feel the rejection after he got a certain age and they had gotten what they wanted; suddenly I wasn't their friend anymore. They just used me; I had no idea…
From their Ill move around and be bullied and abused with no help. Ill end up against with my mother; Ill try to make friends; but Im faked out again… Im around people that don’t want me or care about what happens to me; they see Im vulnerable: And they will take advantage of it. They will allow me to think Im getting a friendship out of the deal; when nothing Is happening; They could care less; they don’t plan to ever see again anyway. And I just didn’t know… Im suckered again.
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By this time Im destroyed…
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So; After that, all dating stopped; everything stopped when I was a teenager…. I completely did not understand; I just wanted a girlfriend; A nice decent person… But it never happened; I was destroyed by these people.
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Finally Ill just drop out of everything; and being so mentally ill they have to put me on social security; no future…
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Now; things are changing; and working with God and 12 step groups; Im looking to develop back into relationships.
God is working with me and guiding me with the Galaxy Justice league; Father son Holy spiritus; Angels; Gods army. God is my Mother And Father! God is both roles bec...

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by **OMNICELL** on Mon Feb 17, 2025 2:48 am

New blog;
Things are not perfect; people are still stalking and bothering me; even where I live… and in meetings…
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However; on the good side… .
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First; Ive gotten better….
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My maturity level has changed; The level has been earned through work and God… So; work with alignment and communication and direction from God… So; maturity I believe has risen.
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Where am I in maturity. Well; I have this strange feeling of independence; its a place learned; its a place with a more mature aspect of life ( earned); I want something under God; I turn to God to learn how to earn it; and thats how I get things; I go to God. And that is how I get things; and I expect to learn how to earn things with God; earn what I want because that is how I do things; Ive been trained; trained to pray and work with God for pathways to the items in this life I desire… Its just kind of what Ive been doing for awhile. Im still a beginner at it; However; its becoming a normal acceptable way for things to show up…
Heres the point; Ive worked on the past; However; Ive work extensively on the present. So; Ive gained some experience as a new person in the present; And the past; well; its disappeared ( Im living more in the present)( Ive worked on allot of the past; its not worth the wasted time anymore)( my parents, sexual abuse, loss of family members; these are important but Ive worked on those as well). The past has disappeared; or is disappearing; Has it; well; it has; Their is not much left of it; and My mind has already started being present for specific areas of the past; but its not me living in the past; Its me re living actual moments I remember; that are important to my present identity; in fact; I was not looking back for the purpose of rumination; I was literally remembering who I was at specific times of higher frequency ( God gave me permission to look back for this; it was from GOd); and that is good; not because I have to live in the past; God has given me permission to remember some past experience because they represent who I want to be in the future and its great or cool that I can see myself as I always wanted to be and realize I was like that once. Im not reminiscing on that; Im actually feeling the opportunity of that person; that period)( God has grabbed a hold of me and is taking care of me and growing me up)right now; Im feeling the good higher level frequency feelings and thus; then remembering a re- enforcing experience when a child where I was independent and I choose to walk away and go home alone… And Im beginning to feel that kind of independence again; and it was a right way to see myself of independence and value.
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MATURITY;
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So; Where am I at in maturity right now; if I take an evaluation; I would say; I have this new solid feeling; its a feeling like a guy that just came back from world war 1. Hes probably a guy in his early 20’s but who has been in the military and war; He comes back home; He will probably get a job and get a girlfriend or wife and so on so forth… But he may be beyond mother Father… Meaning; hes not doing what people 18 and under do. Hes got no past; and ready for a job for his young adult future; but its because of adultness. He gets a job and meets a girl( women). And he moves on through his adult life… Not really living in the past… Hes grown up in a way that he is not spoiled… Im like this kind of from working with God… Ive worked with God for a long time and God has a hold of me and is bringing me up properly. However; I go to many many 12 step groups for support…
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SO; thats kind of what Im like. Ive worked with God how to get my needs met with God and Gods work ethic and principles. It moved from my past into my present with new dependence on recovery meetings and God… And the ability to authentically meet new friends and Im learning to sustain them and work with them and with the situation; and Im learning to hold ...

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by **OMNICELL** on Fri Feb 14, 2025 1:04 am

Im moving into new territory…
Im at the first section as I cross the lines into new territory… Im somewhere in the old territory and new. This is a huge life changing situation… Im heading back and forward into society… Stepping outside the recovery rooms; Im still going and will continue until the natural process of moving outward…
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Im moving back into society to get my needs met… Because I can see it in my imagination; it means my confidence is higher, resentments are much much lower; sanity has returned at some levels and reality is something Im grateful for and believe I can embrace it and work through it with help and under my own 2 feet at times… Im coming back to reality within myself first and naturally transferring back out into society; that is what is happening. God is doing all of this; bringing me back to reality….
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NOTE: I have allot to pray for and pray about; about getting back in my life through God…
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NOTE: Maybe for the first time; Im going to have to learn how to stick to my guns and pray for what I want and not give up but learn to get under God below God bowing in front of God lower then the shrine of God on my face and knees and out in front of the shrine of God with hands out in front of me. I have to learn how… How to stick things out to the end. Keep working with God until things show up… I will work with God on this continually… Please help me God Amen. But I have to… I have to learn… iF I want something in life… amen.

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Ill stay in the rooms; recovery rooms and naturally allow myself to meander more n more into the outside world when called to…
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NOTE: Its not necessarily safe in those rooms; I get stalked all the time because I like everyone or accept everyone;
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I BELIEVE AGAIN;
I believe again… Thats whats happening. I think; Ive accomplished within these recovery rooms the same I would have om the outside and so the transition from the rooms to the outside world is very close nit.
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IM NOT THERE YET; However; things are showing up much like March will show up from February and then its clear sailing into blue skies; Thats the only possibility; From march; it may snow and then rain for a while but in between will be blue skies more n more n more until spring shows up and then summer… So when it hits March 1st; Everything is heading toward sunny days…. And I allocate that kind of thinking toward my goals the same way… Allow through God that I become that person that will attract what I want. To attract what I want I have to become it…
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Not sure Im saying all of this correctly; Ill have to re read it and do it again…
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I feel like my life is returning to me. However; Im not very strong right now… SO; still need much help And Im exhausted by this last round of recovery process.
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So; Ill come back and re write this again…
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As for art and music…
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As for completing a song; for engineering, mixing mastering…
Here is the work ethic for success… .
From the professional log;
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EVERY-NOTE COUNTS…
ONE NOTE AT A TIME….
A song will be built on every note… one after the other…. Every-note…
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Every-note counts…
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This is much like a writer that puts effort into every word… Every word counts…
One word thought out and then another word thought out that would fit in its place next to the one word; Thus,. Each word counts and is thought out. Im assuming to meet and master the feeling the author is trying to create or communicate…
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So; I have to do the same thing; that is my work ethic for a song. Every single note must fit perfectly with the next… This certainly will take allot of work. So; I better get at the work.
However; My standard right now is to be solid; I don’t want to spend 1 year on one song… maybe but maybe not; However; I do have to learn a work ethic for learning song writing… One note at a time; This can be done….
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I have to pray about it and have a kind of p...

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by **OMNICELL** on Wed Feb 12, 2025 1:44 am

2/10/2025
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At this point; the whole reason for me showing up in this place I live; the area; was to re develop and get my ability to create Art; get it back; get my identity back; get me back… Get my Art ability back; to be able to make Art; that has happened completely; I woke up the other day with the desire to do nothing more then go to the computer and look up Art history and start again… I had nothing blocking it.. I was like a little kid; and that has not left and its not going to; Ive got that part of self identity back..
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NOTE; I have to learn to work with God and trust God; I have to learn to become humble enough not to have any expectations; I did this with music and Art by working with God. I wanted it back bad enough; I had to humble myself to God over n over until God was in control and thats what Im going to do with relationship concepts… I have to humble my self to God because I want them bad enough. And their it is; thats the beginning of the work…
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One thing Im able to do; Im starting to turn to Art history study and dissecting and creating songs; its starting again. We will see but the deeper part of is not in the past; its now here! Im alive again….. Im here. Im still affected by the past but most of me lives here now; certain the music art part; However; God did this; Ive been working with God for a long long time on this… .and its finally here…
Strange wondrous things are happening for me; Magic has happened… is happening….
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I was never right sized. Always going after people way out of my league; saying I didn’t know; I didn’t understand; but they made it clear after setting me up… And I never understood; I was just trying to survive… and so today I must go to God to understand how to; in the real world; I don’t know how!
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IN THE PAST: I thought others should take me for what Im worth; no one did; well; thats not true; their was a group of kids that did; they wernt the richy rich kids… they were average kids; on the south side… Nice kids; It seems anything else beside that; I was never accepted by anyone. So; I will work with God on who is suppose to accept me… Ive never been accepted by they wealthy people… I was played and dumped by them…
I blame them but I had no right thinking that cheerleader girl up the street was suppose to have any interest in me; she did not; she could get 100% better then me according to her value system and her looks. If thats the case; what was I doing their in the first place and where was I suppose to be; who was I suppose to marry or be around…
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I guess I have to become myself first; not expect others to help. I have to turn to God and find out who I am and who I am suppose to be and where I fit in… Im mad that Im having to do this all the time and don’t know who I am or where I fit in. I have to do the work… So; their it is. Thats what comes next… .
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Here is the issues Im dealing with; some of the kid fun things I wanted to be when I grew up; Ill have to work with God on. Some things Im to old for… I guess. Im just now waking up… I have to get on my knees and work with God and focus on God; and their it is.
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My Art ability; My college years; That time period that was gone; It re emerged. It is present in me now; it is alive and flowing and well… It is completely present. ( God has brought me back).
Now when I get up in the morning; My Art History Channels are the first thing I go to on you-tube; What am I saying; Enthusiasm. When I get up in the morning; Im excited and enthusiastic and excited right then; right at that moment; I have no resentments; Nothing that is stopping me; Nothing; Im terribly motivated powerfully interested in life when I wake up.
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on this subject of Art; Artist; creator; Painter Artist; Art History; Its happening right now this moment; I love it; I love how it feels. And I feel like this at the split second moment I get up in...

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by **OMNICELL** on Mon Feb 03, 2025 6:43 am

Where am I at now Feb 1/ 2025
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CONCERNING RELATIONSHIP AND WOMEN;
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Ive now seen 2 women in front of me that I have somewhat interacted with that fit the bill; they fit the calling of what I was feeling and thinking on the inside. Are these women for real; or just fancy fantasy…
A very real chance they are simply guide posts on my way to bowing down correctly to Jesus; at the Jesus shrine… I must dig a deep deep hole; crawl into it and pray under Gods shrine; Im out in front of Gods shrine but Im in the whole with my face on the ground and hands out in front before God… and I stay that way and let the feeling of it feel; Just like a 5 year old in life… they are always looking upward to toward heaven and working with the sky and universe and God; always…
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I am not suppose to believe anything about these women. I am suppose to report back to my superiors; my commanding officers; GOD… I am to learn to be faithful to God first; focusing and only seeing Gods shrine in my head with the idea of bowing down to it in ways that continue to allow my growth under God… that I may be below God and receive Gods messages for me on how to live and what course of action to take and down what God pathway. And I have to learn how to run play work love and live down that pathway; and thus; its Gods pathway so I must work with God; I am not alone or in the dark… Not while God is out in front of me… And God is out in front of me ALL DAY LONG; when im down a God pathway. Must keep facing and God and talking to God; do the best I can here.

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NOTE; Humility is of the day; bowing down to my higher power about all things; Might-az-well; make a list; Everything I have no depth or development in; only ideas about things; Each idea has to be taken to my higher power and forged under ground. What does under the earth mean. It means the Shrine of God is in front of me and its tower is above me; I am below it; Better dig a deep whole the size for a coffin. Jump in; get on my knees before that shrine with head down to the dirt ground; on that messy ground… hands out in front with palms up if possible; and pray and wait in patience for my master to come. And that is all I am suppose to do; nothing more… My master Universe has gotten my message; Now I wait humbly until God surprises me with new manifestations and answers that show up in front of the shrine. I am in the back of the shrine. At some point after waiting patiently on God; with God; I sheepishly get up and walk walk beyond the shrine to see if anything has happened; and thus; a vat of energy appears; and I look and something is materializing; so I go back and wait… and then go back and look; and it has materialized and I slowly walk to it; take its hand and join it… it is mine now…
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And I Hope SO. I have to let go after trusting God… This whole process to be able to do this is a process; and one I forgot about. Now; its awakening in me because of my extreme spoil’dness laziness ; My entitlement attitude; Expectations and unreasonableness. I can only dig down entrench with God; in front of God, in that whole I made to pray in that takes me lower then the shrine I pray at; thus making it clear; I am below God not above; for I am asking for help; and those who ask for help and need help; they do not enter the hallways of the kings chambers where the King is having a lavish part; one does not just walk up to the Kings table and sit down; When one is powerless and in need one goes to the corner and sits on the floor unassuming and waits to be invited to the table… This is out of all realty; humility and respect for the King… And when takes a lowly position; it creates a vacuum for those who care or notice; a vacuum in the universe that the universe wants to fill; thus someone will approach if its meant to be; and they will ask if I want to join the table to talk to the King. But in no other way may this occur…
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[ Continued ]

Making a women a women friend… Women+Friend…

Ive gotten better….

Im moving into new territory…

I pray to GOD God delivers the goods…

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