June 2025
May 2025
The bottom line. No Mother or Father from the first day born or growing up; nothing; no development...
This will go on until Im 9 years old and thrown completely away.... At that time Ill go into a severe shock and survival mode and never come out of it...
.
So; here I am; I add my dream of the Disney land unicorn fantasy life; I got jolted and bolted; and it never happened; Now Im here; Now what! And their it is!
.
Im working in recovery groups to get a grip on this and start over...
.
Its not easy.
.
Right Now; I understand that because I had no development from my mother and father; because of this; I desperately went out into the neighborhoods looking for other families to take me in. Unfortunately I allowed that to happened; the people that took me in were sociopathic and wanting to take advantage of me or use me right from the beginning; I never knew until it was 2 late.
.
In other cases; I created fantasies around future girlfriends thinking they would be my best-friend and wife; Neither will happen; they turn out to be more criminal sociopathic spoiled and over privileged; and in some cases; signs of strong psychopathy... These are no type of individuals to even get close to; these are not the kinds of people to make relationship life choices on... And because I continued and continue to try to have relationships with the wrong people; I end up trying to hook up with people who are not attracted to me; dont love me and feel nothing for me... In all cases; they never come to me. I always find them and they never wanted me in the first place. This is a good sign God is not with me on these ventures... Im on my own when I venture allone into the wrong parts of the forest looking for love and acceptance.
.
I was let down by all involved... I went to them to take the place of my mother and fathers development that never happened; I was looking to get developed by these new friends; new people. In the end; those sick weirdos were worse and just as unsafe as the parents. I was being played a fool by everyone.
.
SO;
Here I am. A gap resides between where Im at right now and the starting gate of my new life; my new existence.
For this new existence to start; I have to build up through God and recovery process; a new foundation; a starting foundation in the real world; a place to start from.
.
God will let me now what that starting procedure will look like; that starting information; that starting point; what I will be working with; what tools and concepts and how to start…
.
.
I never grew at age 3-9; Ill be starting at ages 3-4-5-6 and so forth. I don’t have a clue how God will start me out in this new real reality; I don’t know what I will be doing.
.
.
First I have to heal up; heal up in the now; right now. Im in that starting point for a new healing; I don’t know what it will look like; its similar to the idea of no development from ages; 3-9 that need to change. However; in this case; its about coming out of trauma and survival mode from ages 3-9. How will the universe handle this for me; what will it look like… I don’t know. Ive not a clue; Right now; Im going to 12 step groups and just talking about it; Softening things up… thats the best I can do! I mean; I know no other… I don’t know any other way…
Its about coming to the end of myself right now; so I can heal in some of those early years; after establishing that; God will show me how to redevelop in those early years and later how to perform in those yearly years outside in the real world… And from their Ill develop more important or maybe the real beginning of the concept of relationships for the first time.
.
I know I want to take responsibility for going in the right direction this time; So Ill work with God on this… Let God be the direction; Ill just keep showing up to show God Im serious and I can be teachable and moldable down Gods pathway... And Im am... Im just waiting on God right now...
Our partner
Who is online
Registered users: AdsBot [Google], Bing [Bot], Google [Bot], Google Feedfetcher, Majestic-12 [Bot], OMNICELL
- Home ‹ Board index ‹ Blogs ‹ OMNICELL's Blog ‹ Next move forward...
- Contact • Advertise on Psychforums • The team • Delete all board cookies • All times are UTC
News
Site map
SitemapIndex
RSS FeedCheck Mental Health Matters
Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007, 2014 phpBB Group
Time : 3.326s | 25 Queries | GZIP : Off | Load : 2.11
Time : 3.326s | 25 Queries | GZIP : Off | Load : 2.11