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NPD's and gifts by Longtimecoming on Fri Apr 13, 2012 10:45 pm
I don't claim that my mother suffers from NPD as I am not a qualified professional, but many of the traits I have been reading about on this forum have resembled our situation very closely. As I see it from my mother's point of view, her problems with me revolve around my ungratefulness towards her "gifts".
The main cause of our argument 13 years ago is detailed above and doesn't exactly involve a gift per say (more of a business), but it does involve something that was given to me (without me being made aware of the fine print) and then expected to be returned before I was allowed to have a relationship with my mother again. The terms of the gift left my family devastated and most members are now alienated from my mother and father who are not interested in seeing the perspective from the other side of the coin. My mother wants me to apologize for my selfishness, come to her door bowing my head, and agree to various assessments and treatments for ailments which my mother has studied at great length.

As described in my original blog post, as a child I happily went along to singing lessons, music recording trips, etc. As a young adult I started to feel uncomfortable with some of the behaviors my mother was displaying around me, and around other people we were working with. I wanted freedom, I wanted out, and my mother wanted $40,000. The only agreement I remember making with her was when I was 18. We agreed verbally (and almost on paper with a lawyer) that mom's investment would have to be returned if we ever made any money from the music we had made together (think the Judds here). We never did make any money, yet I was made to feel that I now owed my mother this money.

After the sheer trauma of loosing my family to this $40,000, I had a very hard time accepting true gifts from people or even good will or a helping hand when I needed it. It took a long time for me to feel comfortable accepting gifts or generosity from anyone. At one point in my 20's in between a jobs, I would rather have starved than have to ask someone for a sandwich, and I did. Luckily that time didn't last too long and because I was so determined not to have to ask. I worked like a crazy person to make sure I never had to repeat that IOU feeling again.

Aside from the obvious pseudo gift I have focused on in this blog, when I think back there were other "gifts" relating to my mother that had equally uncomfortable terms. Take my 18th birthday for example.
For weeks prior to my birthday I had some knowledge that something awesome was coming together thanks to my brother who wouldn't tell me exactly what was going on, but happily hinted watching me squirm with excitement. When the day actually arrived, we had reserved a table at Boston Pizza where my mother, (can't recall if my father was there), brother, a female friend, and a music producer/friend of my mother and I were in attendance. All of us had a really great time together that evening eating pizza and happily chatting the night away. When it came to the "gift" portion of the birthday evening, my brother had put together a scavenger hunt, hiding little notes and clues behind plants in the restaurant that eventually led me upstairs to the lounge where a brand new $800 condenser microphone was waiting with the bartender. I was beyond thrilled and my mind raced with the possibilities of a whole new way of recording songs. I was completely blown away. After the tears and gratitude I was made aware that our producer friend contributed $200 towards the microphone, and my mother contributed the rest of the $500 for the purchase. I was beyond grateful to both of them and carried the mic case around like a baby. Shortly after receiving the gift I started working with a few musicians on my own time. We paid for a few recording sessions and I was excited to use the my new vocal instrument! When I went to take it with me to a recording session my mother stopped me as I was leaving and...

[ Continued ]

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Disappearing by violets on Fri May 18, 2018 7:29 pm
Just go for it she says. I am terrified. I feel like I am being blocked. She is trying to come back. And I don't want her. I feel sad for her. I haven't forgotten her. But she keeps me stuck. Everything...

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Building to a climax by RAK1316 on Fri May 18, 2018 3:47 pm
I don't even know where to start. I'm trying to figure out where all this mania came from. The more I look back the more I can see a slow building up to this point.

Like, did it start when my husband...

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binge 16/05/18 by bringspearls on Thu May 17, 2018 7:00 am
i felt i could quite precisely diagnose this binge: its causes or excuses. there were several distinct but interlocking & inter-aggravating anxieties, about usual suspects (face, hair, writing, glasses)...

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Hello Blog... We meet again... by star dust on Thu May 17, 2018 2:09 am
Hello blog,
It's time for an update as I need to just get these thoughts out of me while I'm feeling how I'm currently feeling.
Today I have awakened from my depressive state, and it feels good.

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USB 3.1 gen 3, usb back drops further explanation by highdimensionman on Wed May 16, 2018 12:20 pm
USB back drops are cards that go in a 16 lane PCI-e 4&3 for backwards compatibility.
which have ports for co processors. edo ram and extra usb ports for extended ram.
and a fast cooled hander processor....

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Re: Boyfriend abused his sister? Help? by Snaga on Sun May 13, 2018 9:32 am
The blog won't get much reply, hon. Try posting in relationships, or Significant Others Friends & Family..

Re: My Anxiety Is Destroying Me. Help. by star dust on Wed May 09, 2018 3:22 pm

Sorry you're having a rough time. I don't really have any fantastic advice unfortunately. However I would say, you should try and let go of the need for approval from your father. I know that's easier...

[ Continued ]

Re: Rarrghhhhhhhhhhhh by star dust on Wed May 09, 2018 1:56 pm
[quote="Snaga"]When my mama died. I had a little bit of anger at the world that needed to get out. So one or two of her things that weren't valuable. I broke.. that is an option. I've heard of...

[ Continued ]

Re: I Cannot achieve even though i really want to by Jamesd7 on Sat May 05, 2018 11:03 am

I also sometimes feel like i need to find out exactly what type of person i am
and why i feel like i am a very intelligent person and not just a normal person if that makes sense. I am constantly...

[ Continued ]

Re: I think I have PTSD :( **trigger warning** by Snaga on Fri May 04, 2018 5:58 am
Sorry you feel that way, and yes the comments must have been overlooked when I approved the last round of blogs, sorry.

I'm okay I hang in there. That's all any of us can do...

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