July 2025
June 2025
Commitment in a new life....
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I come from a breakdown background. I turned into a 4-6 year old when I was 16... I never came out of it; Im much older then 16 now; but Ive been in that stage for most of my life. Ive never been an adult; I was never a teenager; maybe a little; and no adolescence; nothing.
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So; at a meeting I heard the concept of; commitment; someone mentioned they never had commitment... They are just learning about commitment...
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I said to myself; I am committed to my girlfriend
I am committed to my car...
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I do not have a girlfriend or a car... These are things of adults; I do not have them. The last time I tried to be innocent and sincere with girl; I was 14 and got slaughtered...
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I could never have a car; I never had the money to run one...
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Now; Im writing about it first...
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Its strange because it takes me back into a realm I got destroyed. Its like being taken back into a battlefield...
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However; I know its a sign of normal.. I mean; having relationships as adults and having things like a car; are normal concepts. They are responsable people. I get it...
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So; Im talking to God to see where I fit in at...
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How can I make the jump back to that place'; cars; girlfriends; acting norma; dressing like a normal person; not like someone hiding on the streets n such....
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So; Ill keep working at it...
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Ill start writing stories about such things as if i already have them. I have to grow into them; become what I want first; Ill start writing about pathways to such places and things... and creating steps in my imagination of such places; as if Im getting to such places... and have contacted such places... or Im connecting to such concepts.
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Its a jump; it hurts really bad. Its a place I was slaughtered.. So; However, I can see that it would be good for me to become those things... So... Ill start working on it.
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