June 2025
May 2025
Changes.
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1. After talking at meetings and talking to others; it seems my personality has come back… I was talking at a noon meeting; and I said; Give me 8 minutes with a women; to explain who I am and where I came from and what I want to do with my life; and like; BAM; I can go from there.
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In the past I never had anything to say to anyone; I had nothing… I avoided everything and buried everything and dissociated everything. And erased everything; as others had erased me…
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Now; I know better; I now much more about those people who erased me. I know Im the one who found them and tried to have friendships and relationships with people who I had no business associating with; In fact the end result could be extremely hazard-ess to my health; as these were sociopaths… And in the end; I was destroyed…
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Today; its much different. Im aware of THEM; those that destroyed me; but I am parallel with my personality back. I don’t need or want them anymore; What I do want is to investigate what they did so I never go through it ever again. And I must investigate what I allowed to happen to me back then; I allowed iT; Why did I allow it! Ive put some time in investigating my position in these false relationships…
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So; today; Im on new ground with a new life; learning to build again and I sound purdy-good! I can see myself in relationships again. This time; Down Gods pathways; Any soulmates or deep best friends that could turn into a wife; God will send them to me on my pathway; Ill be pray about it before and after…
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Its attraction; Not promotion…
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God will send people that Gods sees fit that are safe for me… Right for me. And I have lots of people I can talk to about relational stuff these days.
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NOTE: Can the right people be found for relationships; Absolutely; Ive already me several people. Lots n lots n lots of good people or the right people for general relationships. Maybe they arent perfect situations; They are Fine; they are normal. And Im looking for Normal; these days… Ive met people who think like me… No problem.
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NOTE: Sure; there are still stuck up creeps and scumbag opportunists out there. Those that get a thrill getting away with as much as they possibly can against innocent people; But they are are not the majority I don’t think. My goal working with God is to be hooked up with people who want to be hooked up with me; who value me from the beginning.. And that is totally possible working with God.
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NOTE: The other day I met 2 women; One liked me; the other seem stuck up and above me; or thinks the whole world wants her. Do I have to tolerate or associate with that second girl? NO! I don’t need her at all. Ill stick with the one girl who was more down to earth… And their ya go!
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NOTE; A soulmate is someone who sees me as a soulmate as well as I see them as a soulmate. This is not something I guess at by their behavior; this is something I work with God on and I find out right quick if they are suppose to be in my life.
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I kind of know what Im looking for and will pray for… I have to become what Im looking for… my soul has to match who Im looking for…
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Im not really looking for anyone. Im looking to work with God on this project to do it right…
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When Im ready; God will bring the right people for this project… However; I still have to make a list of what Im looking for in someone. And believe I can have them or get them or they can belong to me; be mine… I have to believe im good enough; And their it is.
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I HAVE TO BELIEVE IM GOOD ENOUGH!
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I have allot of practice to accomplish in talking to women and talking to women about who I am… I have to get used to conversation with women again.
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As I said; Im thinking 8 minutes… to get the real me out in front of someone… We will see.
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MUSIC/ART
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My O MY; Music has taken a turn to the; Healthier….
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Its slow going; I have almost no real skills; just interest.
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Ive been avoiding music creation all my life; Ive dabbed in it a bit; that is all. I try to make it sound like Ive done more but I havent. Id kind of like to.
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I am building a bit more mature approach right now to music… Ive watched several YouTube vids on music creation..
And Ive tried a few things.
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Ive been writing simple pieces in notations programs.
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Advancement; And Ive made an advancement;
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Im now working with Art therapist channels; instructor who speaks therapy while making some kind of emotional connective art surrounding feelings and emotions representive in colors on paper.
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SO; Im learning.
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Im now applying these vids of Art therapy practice; Im substituting music creation in the place of Art creating… So; I put the vid on; and I turn on the music sequencer; and I create with sound instead of crayons. I record it..
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However; Im also creating Art work the same way.
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So; Im starting to explore different avenues musically; Its showing a bit more dedication and exploratory nature.
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Ive been writing little music pieces in notation program as well.
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So; Im showing a more dedication to music creation and Im showing my willingness to participate at a real level; a beginning introduction; get my feet wet level. Who knows where this will lead or for how long; I don’t know…
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Im been at the low end of things scrambling with a broken mind and twisted antennas trying to make my life work where it was never going to work.
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Im hoping things are changing for me for the good.
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Im very dissociative while writing this; this tells me Im on to the right pathway.
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Ive studied many daily exersices I can use for GET INTO MUSIC CREATION; if I want to; tricks for song writers to explore and create with new ideas; Sounds good if will do it. Im trying to learn how to become dedicated so I will do it.
We will see..
Car; I have to change the concept to I CAN afford a car; and after I believe this; and do the work to believe this; Ill see where IM at!
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Money manifestation; laws of attraction; Ill continue to explore and work on this idea.
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