June 2025
May 2025
I have 2 goals;
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Activities
Relationships
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Solutions brought from the universe...
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1. Create pathways from where Im at ( in my imagination) to where I want to go; end goal or desire... See the pathway extend all the way right to to the front door steps of what Im seeking...
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2. Match the high frequency level of whats required for these desires
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In my imagination;
So; As for pathways and creating steps and walking on numbered stone pads that light up in front of me when I put my foot down on them; OKE... Ill walk in my imagination 10 steps and finish; THen pick it up again; and go another 10 steps and finish. Ill practice this in my imagination until I finally get to my goal; one segment of steps after the other. I start walking then finish. Ill then start walking again and finish that segment of the journey. Ill bound these steps over mountain tops train tracks tunnels,. hills, rivers, streams, forests... ect... What ever it takes within my imagination; Gullies; gaps, canyons... ravines, Ill create bridges and stone steps and walkways and ladders put down across gaps and rivers; Ill get there at some point; Ill do this work visualizing in First Person point of view within my imagination. I still have to learn how to address what ever it is Ill be confronting when I get their; at the finish of my pathway; That is another set of steps; that is another gap Im slowly learning about and wanting to learn how to address. .
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So; I can see this working; THe use of steps and pathways within my imagination. We will see. Ive been at this for a while now... Looks fairly solid to go from where Im at back into civilization.
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Relationships and high vibrations/Frequencies.
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FIRST LOVE;
What am I learning about concerning First Love at this point in this recovery process? As I get better or stronger or advance; Im now questioning what happened and what really went wrong with first love.
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1. Was I suppose to be with her or not; Ill ask God?
2. I meant nothing to her! Was I really suppose to be with someone where I meant nothing to her; she could take me or leave me at this level... Way to easy.
2.1 Can I accept that someone simply didnt like me or want me was not interested in me. Never was; never will be. ITs to bad no one told me. I went for months and months. I didnt know I wasnt wanted. No one told me. At the end I was made a complete fool of... But; I wasnt wanted or liked. If I had known; I wouldnt have been there; I wouldnt have spent any time there. it was like I was played by someone who know I meant nothing to her from the very beginning... What was my responsibility... TO work with God and find the right kind of people to associate with? THis a bit out of my reach working with God; Ive not had that kind of strength or ability yet. Im not even addressing that yet... Their is promis...
3. Did I not follow through; I wasnt at a high enough frequency level; I acted like a bum; dropping my standards and thus; never really had a chance with her. Was I supposed to talk to her about this and work my way into her life.
4. Was I supposed to work my way into her life.
5. Was she a wrong choice? Was she the right choice.
6. Was this her problem or mine?
7. Should I have followed through with her and found out what happened?
8. Was I good enough; not good enough?
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All of these questions are not about my First Love; these are questions I dont have answers for when dealing with relationships in general; Right now; in the present... THese are questions Im worried about right now... Ill talk to God about it...
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THe next question; If I get into trouble by getting involved with the wrong person; what do I do... How do I handle it; do I put out any feelings for anyone; or just have this relationship with someone and enjoy it day by day.
Should I fall in love with someone. I mean; is that really a thing... am I suppose to... I mean; thats how people took advantage of me before... IVe never been loved by anyone... Im not sure what they had in mind; I guess they wanted something from me? It seems more like I wanted something from them... But I didnt ask directly... maybe If I had I would have gotten a direct answer from the start...
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Am I up to the task of working with GOd and praying for someone that will really love me. Ill try it... Im scared... Im afraid to get people that are liars...
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My past examples of the people I ended up around; I dont know what to say; they were losers... or was I the loser?
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Either way; Im going to have to work with God to trust at a high level... I may have to clean myself up a bit...
I will have to get over the gaps.
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I can see massive gaps in my teen years; Age 16; was a complete neglected waist; Ill have to talk to God to go back in that time period and do that age over again; decide what kind of story I want.
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Having the character to like someone; give them a chance; give GOd a chance... Its a strange hardened area with in me; very narcissistic and sociopathic feeling within me; almost hostile... Im afraid of being asked to go to a higher frequency I dont have the character for... Thats the goal here... To work with God to do what it takes...
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Im afraid of being asked to go to a higher frequency I dont have the character for... Thats the goal@! thats what this blog is all about; praying to be at the frequency...
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The Fantasy example of being a Bum...
So; Im lazy; being a bum seems to be a way of being able to do what ever I want with no authority. But the problem is; Im no authority over my life either; it just goes astray and I end up on a beach wearing a tee shirt swim trunks flip flops; comic books and a case a beer; and just live with no standards until Im dead...
Fair enough; but is that what I want; it wont attract anything... Im keeping my best life from me at that point..
Im letting the reader assume these problems are not about resentment, addiction, physical disability or mental illness...
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Im talking about character... Either way; I work with God to learn how to face my fears; feel part of life again if I can and start raising my standards; It can happen with Gods help; its humiliating to be in this situation...
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Raising my Standards;
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Im not going to attract women until I stop being a bum... I use this term "Bum" loosely to describe my own condition; My set of values concerning my personal condition. What others define it as is not my business and may have little relevance to my personal situation.
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In my imagination;
One area that can be done and is important; Keep creating pathways to my relationships and activities; to a point that Im right their at their door step; either relationships or activities. This being done in my imagination. At some point the universe will but new thoughts in my head on taking the next natural step forward.
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If its a women I want in my life; I create pathways in my imagination right to her door step; over n over n over; strengthening those pathways; until nothing is left accept being at her door step; At that point when I reach out to God; Im ready for some answers on how to act and how to clean up and how to proceed forward... How to prepare for the next step... and to begin to practice that next step in my imagination.
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Same thing for activities........
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So; The best thing to start with is; Work with God; create those pathways in my imagination to my end results; my desires; my goals; many many of them; until I can feel those pathways are so solid; Im ready for the next step...
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Goals or desires...
Wife
House
car
Money
career?
talents
Hobbies
Vacations
Spirituality...
Family
Art creation
Writing creation
music creation
phsycial health; losing weight.
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And many many more things...
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NOTE: I have a kind of flat affect in my personality when all the nonsense has been sifted from the top; not much left; not much of an icing on the cake; its somewhat thin weak and undeveloped... So; Ill have to work with GOd starting at that point... building steps outward in my imagination. A gap resides between this " flat affect or effect?" within my personality, and the outside moving living world.. A big big gap... So; lots of work to explore in that gap; get a bridge built across it to civilization.
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In my Imagination;
Create the pathways first and work with God until those train tracks have been laid to my destinations within my imagination. And from their; God will let me know; the universe will let me know what is the next step now that Im at the door step!
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