July 2025
June 2025
Starting to discover the real me… Starting to discover the real me again… the uncovering. The uncovering of myself…
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Im starting to discover the uncovering of my real self; my real child self; meaning; ME; the real me…
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Because of the massive work undertaken to understand what happened when I was a teenager with this girl who lived up the street; someone I wanted as a friend; who was just manipulating me and had no interest in me; Because of this work… This; at the later stages of this work; The real me is being forced to become revealed… or at deeper levels the coverings of this person; my old self; real self in the beginning suddenly appears… and I can see him ( me); and see my innocent self as a child and what I was doing and loved to do and who I naturally am and like to be and who I am not… and I can clearly see my path.. I can see the sensitivity of self and how that pathway; God pathway directs what my interests are and what they are not; and what I was suppose to do with my life; how I was suppose to act and where I was suppose to be… and who I was suppose to be with.
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As this is uncovered by God; I sit back stunned. Im stunned because its open and vulnerable and real. I see ( pause); ME!
Im right there… I see me; the authentic me; I can see Jesus and the Holy spirit and God and the angels doing this for me; They are uncovering the sheds of protective sheaths that have kept me safe… kept me unknown way deeper where no one could get at me. And its being uncovered and Im seeing it; the real innocence; the real me and what I loved to do and who I am and what I like to do… and all of that had to be covered up so my Mother and Father would not destroy it… My mother tried to directly and indirectly; with the purpose of completely murdering someone… My father was more distant and passive about it but not. At the right moments he will abandon me with no conscious; nothing. He was never there in the first place ever; I just didn’t know it…
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So; All of that work towards this girl; uncovering what happened with this girl up the street when I was young; all of this work; and it actually ends up uncovering me!
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Im not done with the work on this girl up the street; that will only happen when it happens; I will continue to work on for the rest of my life if I have to until the day I die; However; the discoveries made as I do what God tells me to do; to continue to work on this uncovering concerning my association with this girl when young; as long as Im doing Gods will and keep working on it; its opening up or forcing the process of opening up myself at deeper levels to the point of finding myself; Is this what Jesus had intended. I don’t know; but I know God does this sometimes… it seems…
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And God is working on it right now with me…
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So what does this mean; finding myself; well; It tells me what I naturally like to do and where I like to go and be… The real me…
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and it tells me about my identity… who I really am. So; I will lie hidden and waiting to be rediscovered slowly and explore these personal areas.
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The point is; the real me has been exposed… So; I will slowly and cautiosly look into this identity and slowly under Gods care; work on it.
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What Im finding is how many things I don’t want to be apart of. Im a sensitive person and only interested in sensitive things; and nothing else; Ill put it that way. I have no interest in most other things.
I can see what I was suppose to be doing for most of the time and what I was not suppose to be doing for all of the time.
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So; the real me has been discovered and uncovered; or where the real me has been hidden… its like uncovering a treasure chest.
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I guess what Im saying is; Im connected to this original person. It was never safe being me… no one on my side; nothing. No one!
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This is truly a find… a find from God; However; how its handled is another story…
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So; This is the part of me that was being attached when young. So it had to be dissociated from me and buried under Gods care…
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At some point Ill try to escape to others homes when a child; but unfortunately; later I will realize; altho I escaped to anthers home; they ended up similar to the home I came from; I was just being manipulated and fooled and never knew!
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So; Now with this new work concerning who I really am; the real me showing up… I don’t know what that means accept to work with God on this discovery and just kind of work with God to develop it in safe place…
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Imagine a garden and Im growing pants and taking care of them… So; the real me is like one of them… my real identity. I will slowly building and take care of under Gods care; and slowly cultivate it; the real me… my real self; my real identity; slowly build it; build it back; let it develop and grow under Gods care.
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Ill slowly allow this to open up and Ill just kind of all this area to grow; keep it private and safe… staying out of any other areas of it; let God develop it and minister to it… amen…
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