June 2025
May 2025
Im getting better; this is what I've worked for...
.
GOd is slowly showing up.
.
Im slowly getting my sanity back of the neighborhood kid I was when very young; my original self and original identity.
.
This is very hard to do because I have to first accept the loss; Before this the universe had to open up my severed childhood; and the universe did; source energy opened it up.
.
So; slowly I become that identity again; and thats whats happening.
.
However. Im showing signs of being that identity again; I mean REALLY being that identity again. its barely present but what's foundational is real. It means; as I become me again at this higher level identity; the past slips away... I become present form Identity and thats whats happening.
.
Im becoming an identity from that neighborhood again; THis time without the same stuck up fake friends I had that helped to destroy me when young.
.
On the street I lived; I lived on a block with basic houses; In fact we may have been in one of the best houses on that block; but it was a generic 2 story with basement regular middle class house with yard; but the other houses were smaller; this one wasnt all that big. starting to the right across the street; on both sides of C street; really nice houses start; across from us to the right; down C street; Doctors homes and stuff; a whole line of them for about 5-6 blocks... ANd other assorted nice houses on both sides of C street...
.
So; On the block we lived; it ends C street! and its normal housing. But a block away down C streets starts the rich well to do homes; and then suddenly rich homes and then a mixture of rich and well to do; upper middle class; a whole fleet of them for about 4-5 blocks of different sorts; mainly older large homes. Its an old neighborhood..
.
The point is; if I have friends to the West of me or the South of me or the East of me; They are conservative middle class homes and many marginal or lower level and basic level and middle class and maybe something nicer... smaller homes. Small Town America...
.
However; go to the North; and within a block it turns into Well-to-do-city
.
Here's the problem and something I didnt know. I thought the kids I met when very very young were nice kids; they were not. Any of the kids from the rich or well to do homes were almost sociopathic and they were taught to hate anyone economically inferior to them. THey were elitists. You have to remember; Im talking about kids 5-6 years old.
I remember in First Grade; being over at a friends house; a best friend as far as I was concerned. He told me his family thought my brothers were trash! I had to stop and think about this a minute; why would a bunch of adults attack little kids and why would they say something like that about a bunch of little kids they know nothing about; we'r talking about kids 6-7-8-9 years old. That is sickening.
What I failed to realize; This kid who told me; he was just as much one of these scum making this remark; but I never saw the warning signs.
.
What this means; I was really not wanted at his house. They really felt they were superior to other human beings and certainly superior to me and my family system or my brothers. My brothers were nice normal middle class kids just I was!
This kid and his family thought the same thing of me. In fact; they had to come up with a reason to associate with me.
They decided it would be good for him to be socialized with another boy his own age; he had all sisters and his mother wanted to make sure he had boys around him. He was a smart kid; but so was I! and introverted... so; this would be good for him.
.
The problem was; the reason I was around him is because I liked him; that's why I picked him in 1st grade class. It was between me and him; Not me and him and his mother? We were friends.. I wasnt friends with his mother? This was ridiculous.
In reality he was no friend of mine... Later; with the guidance of source energy universe Christ... I re visited him and his family at his home. I was treated like garbage. I was treated like I was an inferior idiot low life loser. In fact I just stood their and watched and observed in complete shock. The universe had warned me; that's why I was suppose to go; to take a good look at what was really going on. I had been rejected by these people several times; I was older now; and in the recovery process.
I failed to see the obvious of what I know now; These people never liked me; these people had their own problems and own life; and I should have never gone over their in the first place when I was little; but I never knew.
.
And ive talked about this stuff a million times in other blogs...
.
His girlfriend who was with him at the time; In the living room; I said something to her and walked over by her; I saw what she did; she gave a kind of sign like I was a scumbag and to back off. Interesting that within that house; I never met that person but she all ready had an opinion of me. I wonder how that happened. She looked at me like I was trash. I thought; my God! Thats interesting; was someone talking behind my back. So; This is another sign that non of these people ever liked me in the first place. These people were pure evil..
.
This fake friend after being up close to him and letting him talk down to me; I noticed something strange; He was talking down to me as if I was less then a human being and someone so stupid that I could not put a nail through a piece of wood. and I thought; This is insane; what is going on here! This certainly isnt my problem.
.
His sister was also in the front room and treated me with contempt. It shocked me a bit but didnt surprise me for several reasons. She didn't like the fact I had my own personality and she had no authority over me. I was never wanted at their home. No Problem; what a bunch of wierdo's.
.
I ended up sending my Fake BEST FRIEND a letter saying goodbye for ever... with much cussing and making a reference that GOd was not impressed either... and that he was pure evil and his money. Dont get me wrong; we should all be filthy rich; drowning in lovely money for ever and ever and ever... My friend had allot of money. He had a high level career.. a couple of them. However; he turned out never to be my friend. Friendship had more value to me then money; but not to these people.
If I had known what these people were like I would have never met them.
.
.
ANd with Gods help; I began to see what was really going on here; THese people were pure evil and they were pure nuts. I was a bit devastated and disappointed at first; But thats when I saw it; the reconnecting concept of pathological insanity; hooked to its self; The whole of this family system. These people were evil; that was the problem; and this guy my fake friend was pathological; thats when I slowly backed out of that house and left...
.
Suddenly instead of getting mad; I wised up. I looked at these freaks and I thought; Im getting out of here!
And I did; I slowly moved backward toward the door and I left and shut the door and never returned; What a bunch of evil losers...
.
I always go off on those rants.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
.
.
In my imagination; with Gods help; This guys house is not part of the neighborhood I came from; its been erased in my mind the way it should be. WHy I could not see the obvious; this person was a 2 faced friend; Ill never know. I was completely fooled for years... I was always a nice person. I was naive...
.
.
.
.
Both my best friend growing up and my first love; both are exactly the same; neither wanted anything to do with me at some point because I was a human being.. I was a decent human being and they were stuck up spoiled people of a completely different background then the one I grew up. How I ever ended up around these people I dont know. They were both evil people; their families were evil; they were wealthy people I guess; powerful because of money I guess. Both did well in school... I did not; I flunked out the whole time.. Trauma; I needed help. I was reaching out for help; why I ended up at these peoples houses I will never know.
.
.
Today I have the ability to answer some of my problems and get the original help I needed when young. Im learning to get my own help.
.
Our partner
Who is online
Registered users: Bing [Bot], Google [Bot], Google Feedfetcher
News
Site map
SitemapIndex
RSS FeedCheck Mental Health Matters
Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007, 2014 phpBB Group
Time : 3.581s | 23 Queries | GZIP : Off | Load : 4.35
Time : 3.581s | 23 Queries | GZIP : Off | Load : 4.35