June 2025
May 2025
Ive been working 6 years for a specific day... Its a perfect day that is here.
The perfection is in attitude change; that is the brilliance. Its malleable. Its like soft clay; I can go into the center of it; even if the center is uncertain and implant my wishes and start working toward what I want... its my personality; Working with God I can do what I want. So; I can turn it in another direction; align it with my higher power and start working on the work to believe it... to believe it will happen.
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What is the difference. I accept that no matter how I look back at the first potential wife the universe brought me; My mental illness destroyed that possibility. No Chance.
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I have looked at every corner of importance; No matter what I find; She tried to help me as a helper sent from The universe; From God; Just as I had asked... It was my actions that destroyed it. I got what I wanted; I ended up alone. And then I found myself in hell!
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I have to look at that situation as something I learn to appreciate that someone offered themselves to me and wanted to help bring me into their fold. And by so doing; and the rest of the private information I have of the situation; She was my wife. Alas; I lost her.... I will continue to talk to God about my gratitude that someone allowed this offering in the first place... The appreciation of the offer. The appreciation of a thing.
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MUSIC; Music production and performance; can go in vast directions if Im willing to work with my higher power and learn to appreciate what I want; I have to be on my knees 50 times a day praying; I have to meditate everyday. I have to write stories as if I already have the music life I want...
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The main goal is that feeling of knowing I'm going down the right direction.
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The goal is to work with the universe to align everything with my inner being and the universe. The key is a high level frequency....
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Art creation; ITs almost becoming normal again; I do not have to comment on it anymore. I create Art because I like it and I know you or someone else will love it and cant wait for it... I get it...
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Music creation; God gave me a few new areas for creation and where and how to perform my songs and how to practice performance... They are beginning posts and thats fine. Better to have something; anything. and Ive got that insight from the universe. Its up to me; its all about spiritual work so I will be in the right direction and believe in it and that Im doing the right things.
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NOTE; PTSD: With longer term PTSD and other problems; Nothing feels right... It feels like the best thing to do is hide in a cave for ever... away from everything... this makes it hard to go after what makes me feel love; Because Ive always got fear associated with the outside world.
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SO; I must work with the universe as I move forward... Im moving toward something... So; the energy is toward things. In the past the energy was on the mental illness and condition and the horrible high level symptoms. In the past it was on all the losses of family and friends who ended up never to be my family or friends; all fake all evil.. No relatives; nothing; completely thrown away. In the past; no connection ability to perform in the outside world; Thus no schooling that made any sense... flunked out all the time; thats all it was... Pain pain pain.
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Finally the loss of all ability for relationships; they had all left. Or were gone...
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I had nothing and that was the beginning of my death... soon to move into complete insanity. Thus; turning into a potential quick drug addict and latter alcoholic... O my; so close to over flowing on that drug bridged edge; It should have been much worse and much longer but God did not choose for that; but; GOd had another future for me; but I hurt my mind-brain on to many overdoses and bad trips... And for three years I was psychotic and extremely paranoid... This; just the drugs... not counting all the rest of the abuse and sexual abuse and neglect and bulling. ANd then alcohol... When I finally couldnt stop! All in my teens and 20's. From age 12 through into high school. And then in my middle late 20's and beyond ( I was a throw away). The drugs were to much for me to continue; they hurt me. later I started drinking in my 20's and later it picked up just like the drugs and I could not stop; Alcohol is a drug; surprise!!! Not a good choice for the mentally deranged.
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And so many other things; loss of using any talents... I could no longer function at all in reality; it was like I was a captured tortured prisoner in society...
I no longer cared about anything anymore...
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NOW: THINGS HAVE CHANGED>
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I have my whole life a-head of me now; What is left of it... Truly a wondrous concept considering where I came from...
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Its up to me; Its all about working with a higher power on my knees and keep knocking on that door to heaven... Make the universe come to me and help me and do my bidding because I believe so much... I have ideas... folks...
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Working with the universe co creating a new life. ITs not easy; its hard work and it shows up after the work; not before. THe key is to believe; that will require much; much high level value for myself, self love, self respect; confidence; lots of things; I must be in alignment with the universe...
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So; its the beginning of an understanding that the past is gone but the door is open to it; Its not shut; but I wont need it shut or open; my focus is now on my future; I dont have to shut the door on it; and what's in front of me well knowing where I came from. ITs an understanding and acceptance that the past will not get me anything at this point because Ive done intensive resentment on the past and now its like a dead book of the past; I can open it up and read it if I want; I mean; if I get bored; but Ive already read it many times and Ive got better newer books to read right out in front of me and those growing in my imagination; books and worlds and stories I do not know the location of; So; Im busy with the outside world; I dont have time at this point for what is behind me... Ive so much to work on right now to build my reliance with the universe for my future.
Only God Universe will create my future and how hard I convince the universe to help me...
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I must believe before I see! I must believe before I can see!
Our partner
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