June 2025
May 2025
Im moving into new territory…
Im at the first section as I cross the lines into new territory… Im somewhere in the old territory and new. This is a huge life changing situation… Im heading back and forward into society… Stepping outside the recovery rooms; Im still going and will continue until the natural process of moving outward…
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Im moving back into society to get my needs met… Because I can see it in my imagination; it means my confidence is higher, resentments are much much lower; sanity has returned at some levels and reality is something Im grateful for and believe I can embrace it and work through it with help and under my own 2 feet at times… Im coming back to reality within myself first and naturally transferring back out into society; that is what is happening. God is doing all of this; bringing me back to reality….
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NOTE: I have allot to pray for and pray about; about getting back in my life through God…
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NOTE: Maybe for the first time; Im going to have to learn how to stick to my guns and pray for what I want and not give up but learn to get under God below God bowing in front of God lower then the shrine of God on my face and knees and out in front of the shrine of God with hands out in front of me. I have to learn how… How to stick things out to the end. Keep working with God until things show up… I will work with God on this continually… Please help me God Amen. But I have to… I have to learn… iF I want something in life… amen.
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Ill stay in the rooms; recovery rooms and naturally allow myself to meander more n more into the outside world when called to…
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NOTE: Its not necessarily safe in those rooms; I get stalked all the time because I like everyone or accept everyone;
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I BELIEVE AGAIN;
I believe again… Thats whats happening. I think; Ive accomplished within these recovery rooms the same I would have om the outside and so the transition from the rooms to the outside world is very close nit.
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IM NOT THERE YET; However; things are showing up much like March will show up from February and then its clear sailing into blue skies; Thats the only possibility; From march; it may snow and then rain for a while but in between will be blue skies more n more n more until spring shows up and then summer… So when it hits March 1st; Everything is heading toward sunny days…. And I allocate that kind of thinking toward my goals the same way… Allow through God that I become that person that will attract what I want. To attract what I want I have to become it…
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Not sure Im saying all of this correctly; Ill have to re read it and do it again…
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I feel like my life is returning to me. However; Im not very strong right now… SO; still need much help And Im exhausted by this last round of recovery process.
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So; Ill come back and re write this again…
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As for art and music…
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As for completing a song; for engineering, mixing mastering…
Here is the work ethic for success… .
From the professional log;
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EVERY-NOTE COUNTS…
ONE NOTE AT A TIME….
A song will be built on every note… one after the other…. Every-note…
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Every-note counts…
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This is much like a writer that puts effort into every word… Every word counts…
One word thought out and then another word thought out that would fit in its place next to the one word; Thus,. Each word counts and is thought out. Im assuming to meet and master the feeling the author is trying to create or communicate…
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So; I have to do the same thing; that is my work ethic for a song. Every single note must fit perfectly with the next… This certainly will take allot of work. So; I better get at the work.
However; My standard right now is to be solid; I don’t want to spend 1 year on one song… maybe but maybe not; However; I do have to learn a work ethic for learning song writing… One note at a time; This can be done….
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I have to pray about it and have a kind of perfectionist attitude surrounding it. What do I mean by this; well; a kind of sheen or silver lining; a kind of extra added effort; with the understanding of effort…
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So; I have to have a kind of perfectionist sheen to my songs; This means; wanting to put in hours; extra hours of work to get that perfection in the end. Im starting out with this new work ethic; so Ill practice with it and see where I get; but Im talking about making every note count; making every chord count and song structure for those chords count; lyrics count and so forth. I kind of professional polish to a song…
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OK; I don’t know what Im doing; or how; I thought after the draft or first or second draft; at some point I start… I start working on each note making it count… one note at a time…
Im heading into that kind of perfection. As I said; Im not looking to become The Beatles or something… Not right now. Im not trying to be unrealistic but realistic.
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Its about work ethic and a knowledgeable level of how far I want to go with this; how much perfection; How perfected do I want to make a song. Do I want all notes perfect in a song; well; Yes! Well; Ill have to learn how to take my brain-dead-brain and make it work… We will see. Ill work at this… try it; this new work ethic putting in hours of serious work…
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My goal is to practice with other people and memorize my first song and perform it. However; this doesn’t have to be MY Song; it can be someone elses for this purpose… all I have to do is practice a song on guitar; memorize it and perform it… learn the words; have them memorized.
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Im spending more time and wanting to get into the habit of watching Art History about the great Artists; and then create Art. Get back to creating Art..
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Im slowly getting a little more present…
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As I wake up; I relize what put me to sleep; Loosing my house and life when young… So; Ill work with God to get them back…
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Where am I at now;
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Im at a vulnerable overpass…
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I have to start over again from the beginning at this new level. Im nothing at this new level; No experience and no knowledge… Nothing. Im a newbee …
The point is; Ive still got past sexual abuse to deal with; to work with God to become strengthened in identity to handle going back into those places and dealing with that long horror show… where I was completely demoralized and destroyed.
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I have to shore up the past; the holes in the past; keep working on them…
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I have to deal with the shift from the 12 step groups Ive spent the last half of my life within; and stepping out into the real world again….
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I have to deal with the goals; long term goals Im interested in; working with God; doing the work to forge the pathways; forge my belief that I can do this in any direction toward the goals I want…. Working under Gods care; Thus; the work does not stop.
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CAVE MAN HUNTER; This is the area God is sending me to become a man; What does it look like. I don’t know yet; I get it tho; but Im at the beginning base of that journey.
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MUSIC/ART creation. And this takes work ethic work. And their it is; one note at a time… or paint brush touch…
I have to get used to the idea; I may have to make thousands of near but distant mistakes and near misses on what Im working on; and learn to appreciate it and enjoy it. One Note at a time…
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Relationship stuff; Must go on a journey created by God to strengthen this; thus; getting out of the role of victim… and become a man first… But not a stupid man. God must be in charge and large…
Decent people are of the choice of the day…. We will see; Ill work with God on it!
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So; Im kind of hanging out waiting.
Ive been here before; Ive felt this way before; However; Ive not been this far on a journey like this before; not of this nature…
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I have allot of reality to learn about and allot of waking up from the past and victim-hood from the past. SO; quit a large journey this shall be and humiliation and pain may be my friend for a long while on this thing in order to get me aligned with God and out of myself and back into the arms of the living.
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Working with God; this being the most important aspect; The Horse before the cart…
And with God it is believing; learning to believe before I receive that I will get all of my desires from God; God will manifest them; all of them….
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SO; Ill keep working at them… Working with God; God must forge me into an alliance with life. One must put the sward into the fire for it to get hardened.
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Id like to start working with Art again; graduate from that; and then get more serious about it.. .slowly; that ( I want to get more serious about it) part; this is what seporates the part of me from the past and the new part of me that belongs to the present. Still a giant pull and tug and push back n fourth that is larger; much larger then I am; Im in several places; altered states at once…
The goal to allow God to pull me through; working through everything I need to work through; pulled through into the present; that is the goal; We will see..
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Im doing fairly well considering everything.
Still have stalkers bothering me at meetings; still make mistakes…
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Im still cut off from society accept these meetings;
So; I have allot of work to do…
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Im still nervous and insecure.
Over n out!
Our partner
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