Women;
Dating women…
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Talking to women…
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That is the problem…
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I look back at women I liked when young and I wanted to talk to but I couldn’t. No connection ever really happened. No one really ever valued me enough to even notice me; I was invisible. At some point I just walked away.
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I had no mother; so that whole thing was destroyed and I am a bit strangely emptied because of it… I don’t know. Im bashful around women. I don’t know how to trust anyone…
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I don’t know how to talk to anyone. But talking to women is what I wanted to do when I was much younger.
Now I want to talk to women about the women I couldn’t talk to when young; actually; I want to talk to women now about the things I wanted to talk to women about when I was younger.
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Im still that broken person.. but I feel better; more healed; better…
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I still; I havent really talked to anyone since childhood. And even those people were not my friends; they were faking it… But I was still able to believe they were my friends so I opened up about things.
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Today; I would like women to talk to about things; just as I wanted to talk to them years ago… but no one was interested in me… \
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Now; Im working with God that maybe God can bring the right people that might be interested in me.
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THE MEETING:
I opened up tonight about some things… I talked about being SUGAR WIDOW’D; This is my wording for a man thats meeting the perfect women when hes younger; and can never really find anyone as good as that women who can measure up. Its like being spoiled by to much sugar… And now no one is sweat enough anymore… Got spoiled. However; Hold on; there is hope. Going Down energy river far enough; starts me over in my lifes journey as if I was never spoiled; so I get to do this again; live my life… under God! Energy river is a spirit river under God Jesus Universe Holy spiritus…
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The key is; I talked about many things tonight and got a chance to talk to one guy after the meeting; personally about this women dating stuff; past Sugar Widow’d sitaution. This means Im opening up about the past because its past tense in many respects. Im not living in the past Im connecting to the present and wanting to talk about the dysfunction of the past and how to fix those things that are still dysfunctional now in the present that I never got answers for in the past. And this is good…
This means; In the past I was specifically messed up. However; because I never fixed any of these problems. I specifically messed up in the present just like in the past; same problems; However; today because Im in the present; Im looking for answers for these problems!@
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WORKING WITH GOD;
At this point its about cropping up new relationships in my imagination; Imagining Im working with God. And God is creating new people for me; new relationship out of the energy of God and they appear and talk with them. And with enough time; they start to show up in front of me as real people; If I began to believe in my imagination that what Im creating in my imagination is real.
In my imagination;
Im sitting with God in the backyard of a house that is safe; on the grass in a small town… The Angels are there; Jesus is there; the universe is looking overhead. The Holy Spirit is present…
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I imagine God overhead; Jesus; With hands out; is sending energy into the circle; a circle made by Angels who are sending energy from their hearts n minds into the circle. The Holy spirit is walking into the center of the circle. And is the guiding center. God is overhead watching an sending in God energy; All energy is from Universe God…
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And from this energy sends forth within the circle; forms are appearing. And slowly the concept of Helper and Friend are appearing. The shape of a girl…
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Im a child in this scenario; on a bench sitting up against the back of the house with my NEW parents; God has given me; and Im watching. And I can feel it; God is creating something just for me; And she will be my Helper and Friend created by the same energy God is created from. And she is my same age in the scenario.
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NOTE: In my writing stories of what I want for my present future; as for girlfriend. I start out at child level for the first stories; she is a child I am the same age child; we meet we talk she goes back to energy. And I start over again.
And it will grow; she will grow in age as I will slowly developing until after hundreds of stories I become my actual self and the women created out of God energy is my age or what God deems appropriate for a present girlfriend helper friend and hopefully wife.. We will see. I will imagine it first.
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She begins to form in the circle. And soon she begins looking like a form of a girl child… about my age in this scenario.
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Soon the circle opens. And the little girl of energy; she begins to look like a person… She walks out of the circle. She slowly walks up to me as I am sitting down with my New parents on the bench up against my imagination house; She looks at me; She blinks a few times… And she has blond hair and blue eyes. She just stares at me.. and smiles. She puts her hand on my arm leans in and says; Friend; Helper… Girlfriend helper! She smiles; turns around; walks back into the circle.. She is joined by the Holy spirit and suddenly she vanishes along with all the energy… And everything is back to normal…
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The point of this done over n over n over working with God; This scenario will develop And the concept of girlfriend sent by God will grow and develop. At some point in my scenarios; I wont be a child in them anymore; Ill be who I am right now; and the women God is creating will be a women appropriate for me in Gods eyes created in the circle of Angels and Jesus and Holy Spiritus.
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I sit with God in the backyard and work only Down God Pathway… And in this case; those who come to God are called and pulled to join God; And in this flow I will meet the people God wants me to meet; I wont meet anyone else accept those who see God… And are walking toward God… and Ill see many people in my imagination when God is ready.
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It is my job to believe again; and that is what Im doing. Im doing the work to fill my imagination with what I want to believe.
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I create many things in that backyard in my imagination. I create friends; safe people, girlfriend that turn into wives. Money, cars, music keyboards for creating music with my computer; All in the circle of Angels and Jesus crafting in God energy.
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Writing and crafting scenarios;
I learned long ago; I have to believe first before I can see it… And I must do enough work for the universe to believe me that I really want something… And this is how I do it… This is the idea. I need much more time with this manifestation concept. But its all good; Im on the right track. Only through God… I wait with God and God brings things flowing down energy river; brings them to me or by me; And usually they are heading toward God.
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The point is; I sit with God and wait… Thats where I start out asking for what I want. I don’t move; I let God bring the right people and places and things. Im not suggesting I don’t take action; Its; I take action in Gods backyard when people and places and things show up in that backyard… The point is; I don’t go outside that backyard. The God Pathway… I wait upon God because their really is nothing else. Their is no SELF WILL. Its only Gods will for me. The more I pray and more I ask and the more I work within my imagination of what I believe I want and write as if Ive already got; the work I do to show God I really really really want what Im asking for; the more chance of it manifesting. I do this through prayer and writing stories about what I want… as if Ive already Got it. I draw stories of walking from a starting point through taking steps forward over obstacles and gaps and rivers and desert sections… creating bridges and rafts and Angels that carry me across gullies and so forth. I create all kinds of walk aways to get over walls and gaps and rivers and such to get to the other side where what I want waits for me. I draw this on paper; draw it out ( drawings) then imagine in 3d first person pov; I imagine the story Ive drawn…
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Im a small child;
I imagine Jesus is helping me walk. And the Angels are helping me walk across the yard… Im a small small child who is just learning how to walk… I depend on Gods strength to hold me or or pass me between Jesus and God. I imagine Jesus is sending me on a raft about 3 feet in a little swimming pool of water; And as Jesus sending me slowly out across the water; at the same time God grabs the raft and slowly brings it into the shore next to him and I get off; walk across the grass to the bench with my new parents sitting on; I jump up and sit between them.
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Floating down energy river;
I create stories of Jesus having me on a raft; slowly puts me on a raft where I grasp the pole in the middle of the raft; and it slowly meanders and floats down energy river… until it comes to a stop at a destination and I get off the raft onto land and look around… where God has something waiting… maybe its something Ive asked for. An answer Ive been asking for…
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The next step. And so on….
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I do this work constantly.
I go to allot of 12 step meetings constantly.
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So; if I want a girlfriend in my life. I first go to God; meditation. And I sit with God and in Gods backyard with God.. Im there with God…
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God will bring who ever God wants me to be with; ;They will be heading toward God; not away from God..
They will head toward God enough to slowly walk by or I will meet them in Gods realm. ( Im not talking about churchy stuff). I could be; I doubt it for me; Ill be meeting people in those places; ya never know; I don’t.. Just saying. Not Church!
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I create scenarios of God creating new people out of energy and some will be my girlfriends who are made for being my helper and Friend. As I am made to be their helper and friend… And they will become my girlfriend under God; because God created them for that purpose… Ill write 1000 scenarios of this; as many as it takes until my mind; my imagination is flooded with confidence because I already believe these things are going to happen
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This area of girlfriend is a bit baron and empty and will take some time to fill up with new stories as if I already have the people in my life I want to have under God in Gods pathway…
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Im just barely getting over the past. Im getting over old crushes I so wanted but where never inline with God or in Gods realm and went nowhere… most of them were wishful thinking in my mind and never actual situations that occurred. I may have seen the women but never told her how I felt and maybe I was just a silent product sitting against the wall quietly keeping to myself while I let my thoughts meander in out of romance with that person; that women in the same room or walking by everyday…
I never did anything with those thoughts or those strangers; meaning The women I never opened up to; These were never people who gave a damn who I was. Never thought of me again!~ And I don’t remember them ever being in Gods realm.. or having anything do with God. These people ended up never valuing me.
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And there it is. So; I have allot of work to do now to catch up a bit in my beliefs and scenarios of what I want for my future. Especially with women and girlfriends. Manifesting girlfriends.