Goals;
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1. Car; Ill keep working towards it… I have to believe I can afford it…
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2. Working through the past; First Love; and when younger; First best friends; Both end up neither my friends or any associate of mine; they are complete strangers with nothing in common with me. I was fooled.
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The goal is to work with the universe to slowly back away from what I remember of these people; they were not my friends; they were not people I was suppose to ever meet…
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I have to learn to visualize and slowly move away from them… very slowly… in my imagination…
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So; I have to have God GREATER; in my mind then they are. I want a relationship with God where I turn to God instead of the memories of these people. I want my love and my decency and my focus on God; not people… And there it is; I have to keep working and asking and seeking God until God is greater to me then the people on earth. I have God as my only source.
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I was fooled by Jackals because I didn’t know better when I was young; its horrible; to bad and such. However, they were never with God. So; What was I doing around them… They were Godless; They will stay Godless…
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I have God; I have to work with God; be on my knees to God and ask God to create a better relationship with God; one that is greater and I feel safer and more trustworthy and taken care of; more with God then anyone on earth.
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I have to learn to be in Gods embrace; And from there; I will attract people, places and things…
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God first.
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God must be greater to me then my First Love. And I think that is possible as I continue to work on this stuff… Ill keep on my knees and keep working at it; a relationship with God that I feel safe and loved and taken care of…
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Ive noticed; The first best friend I had; or thought.. I want away from him in my imagination; He was never my friend; his heart was never with me. God was with me and never asked me to be around people like that..
These people always thought they were superior or better then me to a point of pure hatred toward me… I kind of spiteful superiority.
My Best Friend and the First Girl I fell in love with thought they were superior to me; better then me; thought I was beneath them; White Trash. I was being fooled by them at first… In the end; they are wicked people… They put on a good front at first; I certainly fell for it. I admit; I fell for it! I was fooked; hook line and sinker..
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More importantly; I needed to get out of there…… Not be friends with these people…
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Where am I suppose to GO!
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So; I have to work with the universe to create safe spaces for myself with God in order to start over. I need and want to build a relationship with God greater then the need I feel for my best friend and first love; The lose I felt when they were not around me… I can feel it now.
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In a sense; its a huge mistake ever missing these people. I guess I miss what it was like being around them when I first met them… But; that was not real; I was being fooled; So; Ill have to go back to God; stay with God; rebuild with God; and God will send me on new journeys…
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NOTE: I need to imagine I pull away from them from the beginning. I met them; talked to them a few times; and then leave and never return; and instead; begin to imagine a new life without them; one I build on my own with God and who ever God brings to me as guide or helper.
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So; The first few quests are;
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1. The continuous work on making God stronger in my life; safer; meaning; Ill turn to God first for safety, care, relationship, safe space; God more important then; First Love. Gods secure presence becomes more of what I focus on… And The lie of the First Love; leaves; leaves; and I don’t care and don’t need it.
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The individual I had a first love with; she used Fierce loyalty against me. She hooked me into believing she needed someone to save her or care about her emotionally; It was a sick game of a narcissists sociopath. It was all a game… I was convinced or brainwashed that she needed my Fierce loyalty for her to survive… In the end; this was not true. She did not need or want any part of me for any reason. However, to continue to manipulate me; she used this against me. This is what they use as a kind of black mail; it creates a trauma bond with them; they end up throwing scraps at a person… I end up taking them at the time not understanding what is happening…
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Fierce loyalty; The problem with fierce loyalty; it has a kind of abounding affect upon me; I feel like I have this purpose now in life to safe and love someone; cherish them and adore them. That’s how its used against me. And when Im discarded by the narcissist; Im absolutely stuck; Im in a trauma bond. And Im stuck for life because I have this fierce loyalty brought out in me and for no use now.. no one is around; I got fooled. So; this causes a kind of horrendous loss heartache for someone that never existed.
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I have to work with God to have a greater relationship and safer feeling relationship with God then with this fake narcissistic person. Ya know; I had both as God; actually; I had her as God; Which one is my God…. Now Im backtracking to worship the real God....
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Im believing I can create a relationship with God stronger then the fake one I thought I had or was fooled into believing I had with this first love..
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Thus; Ill be working to have a stronger relationship with God that I believe God more then I believed this first love or believed in this first love.
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I believed in this first love because I was fooled into believing it… I had no idea I was being defrauded.
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The point is; it concerning the work with the higher power; that it be a stronger relationship to a point that I hid in my higher power universe Jesus God… Source energy; Energy of the Universe; I hide there and my focus to getting love and getting my needs met and feelings safe is within that realm; I no longer feel a pull that is strong enough to pull me away from a higher power into the arms of a fake false First Love;…. The goal is to put my allegiance into a relationship with a higher power and that be my focus… It means just that; I turn toward my higher power for safety and love; and no longer believe in someone on earth that is going to supply it for me. I have to build a relationship with God at this level; and where all my work aught to be to start with; its about priorities…
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Manifestations;
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Music; Goal; To feel more free on a daily basis; hourly basis; creating… A kind of Freedom…
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Art; Same….
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Car; Believing I deserve it; I can afford a car! Believing this… Thats where the work is.
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Money; believing I deserve it…
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Girlfriend; I have to get a much greater relationship with God where God is #1… And It cant be manipulated away by anyone. Ive got to feel safe.. Not feel like someone is going to set me up and rape my personality; Ive been through this to many times… However; I wont be looking for someone like that this time; Ill be in Gods pathways and manifest; and God will bring the right people. But I have to become more then where Im at right now…
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Vacations…
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So; It all continues.
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THE PRESENT:
I think the big issue for me right now is to learn to backtrack away from the fake first best friend when I was a kid; away from the history I remember; God wants me backtracking out of there now; and coming back to God as if I never met that person.
God wants me backtracking away from First Love; as if I never met her… coming back to God…
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The goal is to see these scumbags for what they were and never ever think again of ever wanting to spend any time with any of them or even think about them in any way ever again…
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Getting a stronger relationship with God that takes the place of what I thought people were going to give me…
Ive never met the people that were ever giving anything. Ive never manifested anyone in Gods Pathway before; Nice people; the kind I always wanted to meet. That would be the next level when I get there; It will be awhile.
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Car; Believing I deserve it; and telling myself; “ I Can afford a car”; Doing this kind of work until I really believe it; that is where my work is now. In learning how to believe it before it shows up.