June 2025
May 2025
I have many goals.
Now it is time to focus on Gods direction and teaching on how to take action toward each one of my goals.
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What does this mean..
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For example;
Im on disability with mental health problems; They are bad and have been much much worse. I am better; they still block me but Ive been around 1000 years; Im an old man now; not ancient; but its creeping upon me.
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So; No Money; Just a thought; that through study and understanding of how to Think and Grow rich; This thought or idea has turned into a desire; and now strengthened into a fortress within my head; a Jr Fortress; but a battle castle non-the-less… A very positive sought out desire.
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What does this mean; its becoming a major positive obsession to have a house… So; Dear God; where do I start first…
How do I take action; what do I do first…
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What is the difference between action and say spiritual actions…
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Real Action might be; The beginning processes of saving money for a house… The aligment of a way of making money as a beginner; at anything; all in aligment for that final desire of having a house. So; The idea of the House being under God; and The jOb that creates money being under the house… And Im under all of it praying to God on my knees.. under all of it.
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So; First; I can see; I have to get under everything; humble myself so I can be a dedicated servant to God in this situation. 100% submissive under God; Completely. God is my Master; I am the student under my Masters care… and I must play the role and be the role of student under God in all earnestness and innocence; completely acknolleging; Yes; God is everything; I am nothing. God has all the power in this specific situation; Ill need to ask permission and garner permission from God to go any further with my goals. For God is the gate keeper; with out Gods permission I may not enter this realm that holds possibilities.
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I have to bow down in all earnestness under God; the child in me has to bow down; and that is what Im working on.
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And “ Taking action would indicate” Go rake leaves; go help someone with their gardening or do something else; shovel snow in the winter… Do something; because; well; I have a goal. I want something; and it requires money… I want a house and Im building toward it… one dollar at a time; One penny at a time…
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OK; there ya go! That looks like taking action… Anything else.
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Spiritual action;
This would include; praying for what I want; meditation… Writing stories of what I want as if I already have it. Studying success based coaches on how to make money and succeed…
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Another angle of taking action;
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talk to House Realtor, find out real world prices… Study Realtor stuff online. Study house construction; buying land… What to look for to build a house; what about prefab houses on land…
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What about mobile homes on land… Manufactured homes…
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So; whats the problem with all of this; Well; I don’t think its just the price; not having the money; Theres something about setting down or settling for less. I have to trust God and get on my knees to appreciate the house God brings me; or allows me to be in. I have to pray for my home and the land it sits on as well and the area that home is apart of…
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This settling down business has this feeling of dying; Like Im saying; “ Life is over at this point”. So is all the fun; I have to settle down now until the end… something like that. IF I settle down now; I shows Im accepting defeat of ever being a super star in this life or a super star in some other life…
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However; Im smart enough to just get a house anyway and live my life… So; Ill try working toward that end… Ill work with God on this.
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I want success; I do… Im realizing its accepting the present and the future; And that means those of the past wont be coming back; non of it; nor the time period.
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Im really hung up on my past time period I never got to completely fulfill. On that aspect; Im really living in the past. I want so much for my past dreams to meet the past and become fulfilled; so; I want to go back there and meet it. But. I cant do that.. That past is gone… However; I can have all my dreams transferred over to the preset from the childhood boy I was in my past and start over new; in the Here n now! And thats what Im banking on; but I got a brain full of yesterdays and PTSD and CPTSD and morbid remorseful thinking about all I was jyped out of in this life and that all my dreams could only be fullfilled when young when I was still a boy.
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However; if I chose to have things in the present I have to work with God to let go of all that. Man o man o Man!
OKEEEE…..
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So; By working toward something in my future and present; its teaching me just how much Im still living completely in the past.
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I have to really work on acceptance of self now; and really define what it is Im going after. And working with God on this definition of things… And I can feel it; “ LOSER”; thats all I have become and its going to show through my economic limits of where Im at now and what I can expect right now in this life…
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I can feel the part of me or all of me that states; “ I love pleasure more then I like work” “ and I would rather dissociate all my life and have nothing but a fantasy then be part of anything in the present reality”.
However; Ive Now discovered maybe I can actually be part of reality if I work at it under Gods care; and that opening is happening for me! Amen.
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This is opening up to the point that many things are possible now because of the awareness of them; an awareness Ive been working toward. And God opened it up in the idea of Goals for my future; and learning how to work toward them.
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Frustration;
I have to keep developing even tho I don’t see anything yet. Anything that gives hope in the real world; meaning; I don’t have a dream home yet that I would like to buy; and I have no idea of where payment for these things would come fom… I don’t know…
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It scares me to be a loser or locked down into situations that require more money then what I have.
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Alternatives; If it be Gods will; Well; an independent place of living or renting of a rental house instead of apartment.. Maybe; maybe that could happen; maybe… I don’t know; Ill pray about it and see if it materializes in my imagination.
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Either way; I have allot of work to do here; learning and growing; knowledge and accepting.
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Im very scared to go further at anything because of Doom; That feeling; Its to late; Im a loser with nothing and I had my time to gain wealth when younger; and with a destroyed life; I could not or would not or didn’t care; NOW I CARE! Has nothing changed; am I still the same… just a pipe dream all of this.
Well; At some point Ill be put to the test if I want to continue only registered through my imagination and my will to hang on..
Dear God what can I do to further my goal for a house if I cant see anything in front of me in the present.
Amen.
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The same can be said for a Girlfriend or Wife
The same can be said for a Car and Car insurance
the same can be said for the procurement of money
And for a drum room.
Im going to have to put out many many more hours of work toward these things then I have been.
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Remorse; ruminating about the past and what I don’t have; ALL OF THAT IS OUT>
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Pour me; Poor me; Pour me another drink; IS OUT! IT HAS TO GO.
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Im working through righteous resentments and dissociation and they have to go concerning these matters.
These are blocking my ability to move forward. I have not had the character for any of this before. And a large gap resides between where Im at and getting my house.
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Amen.
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