June 2025
May 2025
I mentioned in the last blog; What is the next step forward of growth; I believe I know what it is; but it will take much time working through the rupturing of my inner soul; nervous system; inner core; and personality. Ive been ruptured; its trying to heal or Im trying to go past the process of healing and move further into my core...
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THE NEXT MOVE;
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So; Ive decided regardless of how insane the 12 step groups of people can get that I associate with; I must remember they are the family system that has brought me up; and they are. Im now moving into a new realm; Its something Ill work at and practice; Have no idea where this is going but I do..
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The next move is to take chances in the real world by taking my higher power with me for support and direction while I take this chance. What does this mean;
Lets say I want to be an artist; it means; creating art; following through but getting it to a level of selling; taking chances to see what happens... Will I sell Art or not; will I fall to pieces if Im not successful at the start...
Will I follow through in creating good Art to be sold; and their it is. Reconnection to society.
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Lets say I want to ask a women to dance; Will she turn me down or not; if she does; what will I do or think; Here's the goal; at this point; it wont matter; because the new me doesn't care or expect anything... if she says no; I walk right past her to a new person. ANd if she says no; I walk past her to a new person.. ANd so on; At some point after getting No's Ill get Yes's. Im not suggesting to look at this realistically; I dont know how Ill fair actually going this at this present stage of my life; but I will learn to be happy regardless,
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THe point is; will I fall apart because I thought things were suppose to be different then this; Not anymore I think; I dont expect things to be any specific way. Im simply stepping out with God and taking chances in the real world. I have no idea what the outcome with be., I dont know. I dont care.
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NOTE: As for relationships; Im beginning to feel something; the idea that everyone wonts relationships; Im interested in finding someone who wants one with me because we both admit we want one.
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I dont need to get bent out of shape about it; just keep aligning with my inner being through meditation.
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Im trying to make a point here; its an experiment... How I will I hold up; I dont know; Ill practice and see what happens and let the universe help me... Ill reach out to God as Im doing things and not expect anything because I dont have any guidelines to go by that I am to expect things from others. But I can learn to ask for what I want.
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I believe the universe will lead me to the right tribes for asking for what I want! We will see.
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The point is; its time for to learn how to practice stepping out on my own where no one owes me anything.
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I Remember when young; no help; no development; just neglect and lost and thrown away and no one cared; nothing; completely unbelievability. No idea this was going to happen for me.
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So; Im at this point because Ive gown up again in the recovery process and Im at this point.
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Ill pray about what it means; I may mean finishing art and selling it somewhere; THe process; that means it has to be good enough to sell;
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It may mean meeting new women and asking them out.
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IT may mean meeting new women and putting up with those who see no value in me and learning to move on from their prejudice. And I mean that. Ill simply work with God on things and work with GOd on taking chances; taking GOd with me.
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So; basically Im a kid that has gotten to the point by working with others; Im now ready to step out with GOd into the real world and take some chances and see what happens; learn to deal with the outcome whether good or bad... ANd not take it personally because no one owes me anything. Also; to not give up; move on to other circles if I have to but dont give up... Thats the idea.
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NOTE: Creating walkways down pathways from where Im at to my objective... creating then in my imagination.
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I may end up at much higher circles of culture and education and try my hand at chance taking; we will see. I dont know; Im like a 12 year old taking chances for the first time on his own.
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