July 2025
June 2025
Psych forums;
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Moving into a new realm
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A few days ago I found myself in a new realm; it was if I was transformed back into my childhood where I started. But its as if I saw all the bad things I went through; I saw it in a TV movie and I was safe on a couch watching that movie with a blanket over me in a safe house on a nice street. I want to say; its not the same street I originally came from but it is. Its my version and Gods view of that street I lived on and how I wanted to live on it. Its a safe version; and its me and my identity and its the version I need to be the real me; the best me or the authentic me. Its God in charge taking care of me. No one else allowed. Im safely on the other side. I mean; Im still close and there are ruff edges. Ill turn to God about it; the universe and keep working on the manifestation of the kind of life Im interested in. My life is manifesting. Im no longer interested in bad people or what they have to offer and I can turn to God universe for help to bring about the right people and the right life and get away from the wrong one. Or keep the monsters and murder'rs away.
Im now at a place where the people of the past; many that I have talked about in these blogs are past. They are a giant movie screen.
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Sexual abuse when young is still real and scary; Ill have to keep working with the universe on that and some other bullying during the years and recent years; bullying has been happening all my life. As long as my personality has been weak or not able to be present; others have come in and tried to take advantage.
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So; I was bullied when very young and no one cared and this will go until a senior in high school; it will continue at times when Im in my middle or younger 20’s and it continued after high school; it continued when I went to work that summer at a ranch after high school. Horrible disappointment ordeal. Humiliated.
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Ive never been able to defend myself; but I never thought I would be in unsafe situations with creeps of this nature. Never thought about it. Basically criminals.
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So; I have allot to work through and maybe get help from; in order to come out on the other side of all this into a decent human being or experience.
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Ive had to become completely dissociated all my life to survive. Ive missed out on being anything other then hiding in my room my whole life.
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I made the completely unfortunate mistake of making friends with the absolute wrong people when very young and never knowing it; Not knowing it until it was 2 late.
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The miracle of now is; Ive come back to place of protected safety; Im not sure what that means; how about; sobered up.
Im now fully aware of who I was dealing with from the past; just more con artists violators and criminals; thats all any of them where. Its dangerous out here; the world is full of con artists.
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So; Ive come into another realm; its a place where I can become anything I want to. Im not part of the past anymore; Is this complete; well; its a beginning; its real; but Im still overwhelmed by the people who sexually abused me when young; that is still active PTSD and Fear!
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I was being sexually abused and other things from the beginning by these monsters.
Im not fooled anymore; basically; I still see my childhood home and remember; but even that wasnt real. But Ill take parts of it because I believe the time I spent there alone was in good development; we will see.
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However, part of the problem is being fooled by that time period; it all looked so good; but I was being fooled.. I put allot of weight into those times and in reality; I was being used the whole time; atho I made a life out of it. Ill take it to God and see what the universe wants to do with it.
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I think; because I thoroughly understand what I was doing when very young; the universe might allow me to give it all less value and walk away from it because it is associated with bad people. Thats up to the universe and me.
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I have a GOD. And so its GOD and ME!
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Things have changed; Things are changing.
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Im still very weak; Ive never really ever left my room for most of my life.
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I attempted to like one girl in my life; she turned out to be just one more opportunist sociopath monster con Artist; and that was O so dangerous. That cost me and almost cost me much more; it cost me right down to the core of my life. I was subdued and fooled by a con artist. However, I wised up; I don’t know how but I did; I guess God was with me and I got out of there from the beginning and never ever came of it. I was destroyed and broken hearted at the time; Not anymore. Now I see the pure evil of all of this. Im lucky to have made it out of that nightmare in one piece.
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Im fine if I never see another person to have a relationship with for the remainder of my life; Im just fine with it. What a horrible nightmare all of this is. Im OK tho.
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Im safe or safer…
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Im kind of at this new level working with the trust and guidance and love of the universe; Im on Gods side now; Im not lost anymore? That doesn’t mean I don’t have a full set of problems trying to understand how Im going to live my life outside; I don’t know; Im very very weak in identity and personality; I don’t have the strength to stand up for myself; Im easily walked over or taken advantage of; Im not present; Im dissociative and so criminals see this and see someone to hit on or try to control or bully; they see me as a mark; and many times get away with it; I fawn and do what they tell me; its so fast; I don’t even know what happened.
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So; Ive got to look at that and work with God on that.
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Im not sure of the outside world.
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Im slowly making my way back to life. Ive made it past the past.
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The past from the ages 3 to 9 has to be worked on. Heres the deal; those years; they meant so much to me. I was such a good decent kid. However, I was in a no win situation and I was being lied to and fooled. No one was really looking after me accept me. And it lasted for a few years but how long could it last for. Unfortunately I got used to a regular system of living; I felt secure for awhile and stability; However, when young the stability was completely faked; the anchor points I was believing in. I was destroyed and heartbroken and way beyond that; destroyed and not interested in being alive anymore when that was stripped of me.
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However, because Ive come through so much; I know all of this to have been a game from evil criminals. I have to continue to work through that time period; pray first; let God take over first in order to help me. And to help me work through all of that. This was dangerous time and I didn’t know it. It was never safe being around these sociopath criminals; never; but I was so young I never knew it.
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I tried creating in my young mind a place or a way or a system for everything to seem alright and it looked as if I might pull it off; but I had no chance. Both guardians( whats a better name for it); legal assigned over seers for children; both of them were planning the whole time to destroy children or have someone else do it. All evil; all of them.
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I was able to try and make a life for myself when very young and I did try. But I never had a chance and never knew it; it was never safe and I never knew it. I had no idea until it was 2 late.
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It had all ready started in the first grade; the problems of neglect. But I didn’t know it; I did but I didn’t know what it meant; I was 2 young; there was no one looking after me at all. No one cared; nothing.
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IT will get worse.
I do remember being pulled into adult stuff between these over seers; I was manipulated. It doesn’t matter because its all going to end in my death at some point; no way out; its all a game.
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Today; Im still affected but I am on the other side of things these days; I can see the bigger picture of things and not buy into anything of that nature anymore.
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Ive kind of learned to take some respond ability for myself and my own way and own life a bit; not much; its just starting. Its a step into independence. And its real and a connection with self and self actualization and independence; real independence; thats whats happened here. And allot of this is about God and having a safe place to trust and work with; and that is God. And hopefully I can get back to feelings safe again in the present; Im not sure how God is going to help me with this; all the bullying from the past; Im not sure I will ever believe its safe in the outside world ever again.
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My future indicates 2 areas;
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One; getting over bullying; this means getting over PTSD; CPTSD; Sexual abuse; Agoraphobia brought on by to many assaults in the real world. It means recovering and getting stronger; can this happen; I don’t know what this means; Ill work with God on this. Ill keep working with God on this; I have allot of un answered time periods to work on.
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Im just kind of outside the fence now. I used to be in the prison camp; Now I'm outside the fence and no longer care what happened in the prison camp; metaphorically speaking. So; working on getting stronger with the help of Gods direction and what I attract to get stronger.
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Two; Success based work; This has to do with studying Billionaires and following what they do; and thats exactly what Ive been doing for the last 7-8 years and Ill continue to do so. Ill continue to work with God on my goals and manifestations.
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Old dreams awaken;
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Do I need old dreams awaken; I mean; I can but I think they've all been answered. I mean; whats happened to me recently has in a sense answered that I have the ability to act and move if I want to and God supplies the ability and manifestation for it; its already been answered.
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The old dreams were inline with an old way of dreaming and life I had when young. Ive not lost that; Ive expanded beyond it. Ive expanded it into reality. So; any of those dreams I COULD HAVE if I wanted them; I mean; actually that direction of energy is not of importance to me; I wouldnt feel safe doing it. Ive changed my mind about everything.
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I still have my dream desires Im working with God; money or truck or maybe another place to live; safety security; more money for the sake of security.
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Im working on all that.
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Im working on manifestations.
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Ill keep aligning with the universe and see what shows up.
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As for relationships; I don’t know. Id have to get into shape and clean up; do I want to go through that. I don’t know… I guess. We will see; has to do with food intake and losing weight.
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I don’t want relationships; Ive got one with God; I just want to be safe.
Our partner
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