June 2025
May 2025
New Pathway…
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When I was in 3rd-4th grade; 5th grade; I saw myself in a new pathway… meaning; a pathway I would practice to build self esteem. God brought this to me; it is lowly and for beginners in life.
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It was correctly adapted and thought about; It was my journey; My personal journey with God…
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I remember preparing and being enthusiastic about it; about working on myself toward the future. Or working toward my future with others within society. Being inner independent. Becoming
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And then it was all over…
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THE END.
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AWAKENING INTO HELL!
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Several times for survival reasons through the years when very young; I tried to reach out to others for help when I was alone; It did not work; I was pulled in by smooth talking con men or women and robbers.. I was taken very easily; never even knew what was happening. By that time many of them were done with me; I was 10 times worse then when I met them. I was already destroyed and desperate and alone and mentally ill; By the time these sociopaths got done with me; I was deranged.. I was no longer present; had no identity, and felt nothing anymore toward life or people or myself. It seemed everyone wanted me died; Including God; No one wanted me. At some point; I just wanted to leave and never come back. I had nothing; I had no one; and no reason to be here. I had no self esteem; Nothing; Nothing had ever been built or developed and no one cared. I was a compete throw away; Even ghosts had a better chance of it on this planet then me…
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I had the development of a first or second grader in grade school; and that was it; and even that personality was dead; it was disconnected from me; ripped away as all things were…
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At times I felt something from the universe; or I called out for help to the universe; to God. And I could feel something; and thus; thinking the universe must be helping me; I went off into strange directions into dark territories within unknown neighborhoods of the uncharted forests… I never realized it; I got off my trail; but never saw the trail had turned from day into night; from light to darkness; I was desperate for love; anything… That was all I saw….
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HELL
I found myself invited iN. It seems that someone appeared to be looking after me; or I wanted to believe this; What I didn’t understand; God would never send me to unknown people and places and things where I could be destroyed. I was innocent and that will be my greatest down fall on planet earth; It will cost several of my lost lives…
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IN THE PRESENT>
Well; However; I ended up in mental health facilities and in 12 step recovery groups. And from this I spent a very long time; years and years just hanging around the recovery process lost. Now; After working recovery for years; I've slowly worked on those past nightmares Ive experienced and God has shown me ways out; Hiking out of those valleys of death and darkness and gnashing of teeth; Hiking out; over n over n over in my imagination. For I was snared and trapped in those places in the recesses of my mind heart and soul.
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And finally in the last several weeks; new ground; new findings; and new significant pathways; For the first time… A complete trail has been located within my imagination that leads from the center of the conflicts to the outer edges of those conflicts; to under brush strait up rocky hills to new plains; through mountain passes and strait back to civilization… What does this mean. It means Im able to turn within the conflicts; walk away; GO to the edge of the conflicts; start hiking out; using the found steep hard hiking trails the universe created for me; And this one has no snags; This trail leads back from the conflict all the way back to civilization; I take those trails that lead back to my life.
And they've been officially created; and Ive been officially newly created to follow that pathway of God; see the way out and want to take it; Im 100% in on getting out of the valley of death and starting over again. And God has show favor onto me; He has shined his light upon me…
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Why is God creating this alignment; Well; In addition to calling for it and earning it and being desperate for it; and calling out for help; I was ready. I had worked on the assignments God gave me concerning these conflicts; I was able to figure out I was loved by God but no one in these conflicts. Those in these conflicts were not asking to be saved and no one cared that they ever met me; they didn’t care about me either way; never did; Once realizing this truth and accepting it; accepting that no one wanted to save me in these conflicts. God was certainly not present in these conflicts. I was being ripped apart…
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It was time to turn and leave and never look back at these valleys of death.. I had nothing to look back at; Id received the truth; God gave me the truth; the universe gave me the truth and that changed everything; and nothing could change what the truth had brought upon.
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When I was ready; I started learning how to hike and walk and fight back; and run and build myself up so I could walk backward on command; I learned to side step; to jump… I learned to do many things in my imagination. I learned how to FIGHT BACK; in my imagination against and within the conflicts I had memories of when younger. I had God and recovery on my side. I created a literal army on my side in my imagination and helpers on my side. And with all of this help; I was able to rebuilt a broken self; created new pathways all over that past broken land; with Gods help. And I was able to run back to where I came from; or side step or jump or run backwards away from the conflicts back to my house; where I came from a few blocks away. Where I started these misguided false callings of exploration; explorations I thought were given permission by God to explore. I was wrong. I might have been called to get on my knees and find God; I was being called to go to my room and meditate and wait for God for direction and help and guidance. God was not calling out to me to take any action; God was calling out to me to contact God and stay safe.
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THE CONFLICTS FROM HELL…
However; Now; I can literally turn on the conflicts and walk away permanently into another civilization and time… This creates the ability to safety under God; I can thus start over in new safe harbors…
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And thats exactly what is happening now. Im starting over.
Im starting over because I climbed those hiking trails and got out of there; got out of the Valleys of death will not stop consuming me if I give them attention.
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I have new pathway; this is the original me; original pathway before the conflicts ever started… Before I went down with the Titanic O so many times. Because; when I went down with the Titanic; I never made it; I never survived; Jesus had to find me on the bottom of the ocean; revive me with his Angels; and slowly walking me 10000 miles from the bottom of the sea to the shore of land… In those 10000miles I learned a great deal.
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However; at some point with enough continuous want; and desperation and will to live; I allowed the universe to take over; Gods will not mine. And I allowed God to show me the real truth; not as I would have it; but the truth! And sitting with that for awhile; I reported on it to people in the recovery process; and I kept growing.
In my mind and imagination I would create stories; I would write stories of success before it happened… of what I wanted; I would write and write and write and write and write…
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And then finally a few days ago; something huge happened; An opening with a Pathway from conflicts of the past; An escape rout; I could turn from the conflicts; turn and walk away from them; leaving them as they rage; leave the conflicts; and slowly see myself walking up the side of the mountain hills from the valley below; slowly making my way out of the valley and mountain range; out of that mountain range onto new hills; and they would open up to a whole world of yonder civilization.
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The point is; I don’t have to go back to the valleys of death because I don’t want to anymore; I don’t need to; don’t have to; don’t want to; I know to much about them; and its costs me to much; Im no longer interest in what the conflicts are spitting out at me… the mind twisting and the false losses if I leave; The lies… Nothing is in those Valleys of death accept the slow demise of my life. I lose nothing by saying goodbye to them; following God and leaving… taking the hard hiking trails to a new life back into reality again where God has me start over…
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God literally erases this past. It is erased because I get to start over at the beginning again before I entered the Valleys of death. I got to bi pass them and go down new pathways under Gods strict care… into a new created life co creating with God.
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NOTE: I was never CO Creating with God in the past; I only thought so!
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God has pulled me away to new worlds and new trails to follow to get back into my life. And a life is created; is beeing creating… Ive been working with God at the same time creating…
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I now have a new world right here; right now; to escape into. No past… Once walking out of those valleys of death completely; it adds one more knife into the heart of all that evil; sending it to its graves…
And GOD HAS CREATED A NEW PATHWAY; This is identical to the original pathway of my childhood; its back. And this time. I no longer have any desire to take the false path I took when younger that got me destroyed over n over n over. Today Im learning in my imagination to take the new path that God governs… This pathway requires new leg strength. I have to be in shape to handle this! This requires to be a bit stronger. So; Ill be working on that. Nothing of quality is free.
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Today; the discovery from God is this.
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One major problem; NO SELF ESTEEM…
The problem is beyond Low self esteem; ITS NO SELF ESTEEM. And God has now re created my original pathway; a self esteem discovery pathway; Ill be working on personal self esteem issues… Ill be walking it; as if I'm in 6th grade on a personal mission… to practice beginning skills and work with God… Things I missed when young.
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Its a simple concept and trail. I walk this trail and along the way God presents me with new things and information to work on. Something easy and simple is discovered that will help my self esteem grow slowly. This is the pathway I wanted to work on in the beginning.
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When young I was fooled; When I attempted to find my way alone;
I was miss guided onto a death pathway;
All conflicts stem within this evil other pathway.
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I got into conflicts with people I thought were going to help me with my lack of personal development; that's why I was around them. Unfortunately they had no self esteem either and couldn’t help me. Or They were indifferent to me and never cared about me in the first place; They had lied and never really had any interest in hanging out with me or ever seeing me again. I was a throw away to them… In some cases being thrown away from them caused new trauma levels as bad as what my parents caused me; it was like the world was a giant death machine and everything wanted me dead…
At some point Ill turn to drugs… And then later Ill drop away from life; turn to drugs and turn to alcohol and other addictions. All of the rejection and pain and lack of development and addictions and drugs n alcohol and dropping out of everything; will lead me finally to my own demise; and that will land me in the Nut houses/ The 4th floor of Hospitals.
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Recovery world; where everything spirals up and keeps getting better and better;
After years of recovery; Here I am; and after several years of working directly on those past conflicts; Under Gods care Ive been given the ability to turn and walk away from the conflicts in death valley. The enemy who lied to me and harnessed me in; they loose their power and I gain my power back… and my identity. And with it a way out; And thus; I start creating pathway experiences of Hiking out of that death valley back to civilization.
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So; As Im walking out of death Valley; Im also here now; working on many other new areas of my life to develop in the hear and now… God has now allowed me how to figure out or have permission to do both…
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And; God gives me a discovery; LOW SELF ESTEEM: NO SELF ESTEEM; And thus; the answer to my problems in so many areas. And certainly the answer and problems with relationship building or interactions. I would meet people and have no strength to hang on or follow up or follow through; Nothing. Zero… I could not follow through with a relationship; it was to much for me… I would drop out.
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Today; God is taking me down a SELF ESTEEM Pathway; I walk this pathway at normal curious speeds… a few miles an hour; I look around while Im walking; to see what God pops up with that I will interact with or learn from. God is in complete control; it is Gods will; Not mine. And I must be in Gods will for the Pathway to continue to appear manifested. Once I loose God; I no longer see the Pathway…
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Anyway; its a very simple basic situation. Ive had no self esteem. And God is taking me down a pathway to develop… its simply humble and very low ranking to the rest of the world; its not on their radar; its not even seen; Im only distinguished by God; Im afraid the rest of the world sees it as nothing and unassuming. The world considers people like myself that have to go on basic journeys as these as; Of low birth. Im low ranking in the worlds hierarchy … And that's OK. Its all very private and personal for me.
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Its all very good and innocent and decent and surrounds an alignment with God; and God rewards me for my dedication and commitment to trusting and working with God; I get a trail system to develop on all my own to build my low self esteem or ; NO SELF ESTEEM condition.
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So; here I am….
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And as I said before; I can see the other pathways that led me to my deaths; they are right in front of me; I can remember them. But today I don’t have to take them; Im now taking a new one; new pathway that has been re created By God; However this pathway has God all over it; and God in control all over it; its got rules and the conditions are; Im not in control. Im not running the show anymore; God is; Gods will not mine.
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