Blog;
.
Lot of changes going on of importance…
.
Basically;
As I work with God on FIRST LOVE; She is simply disappearing. Her value has diminished to the point that the feeling of her is flat.. Shes almost gone in a sense… When I say that; I mean it! Her affect is flattened. She is slowly disappearing. As I move into Gods sovereign state. More n more the part of my heart owned by this First Love when young; The child in me is putting his elegance into God instead. This means a shift of power… the innocent child in me no longer sees any value in that monster… The child in me has come home to God by choice; it could be no other way. My goal was to present the evidence that this person was an evil person and not what they seemed; Thus; I was hoping with Gods help that the child in me would began to see the truth and evidence presented and decide to give up their interest in this person and move toward God… And thats exactly what they did. However; God plays a major role in this.
.
It means FIRST LOVE is thrown out! And my heart and personality is owned by God again; owned by me; not by that person.
.
When working with God; Gods only real motivation is to get me out of there as fast as possible. God is already aware this is a jackal and is evil. Having continued resentments for this person is a waist of time; its better for God to clear me out of their completely; leaving no trace; and to have that (hooked-to-the-devil) part of me hooked on her back in Gods arms of safety. This is satisfaction of safety… I am safe again. And that is decent feeling of living under the sovereignty of God. Is it completely over yet; no! But at this point this war is over… Its about God coming in and claiming what is Gods… And God taking it back. Meaning. God has stood up for me; Gone into this Jackal and taken back my heart; my identity and my soul that was taken… and now my heart and soul belong to God and are with God and within me again.
.
So; How do I feel? Well; Im now dealing with another problem. My life has been so beat up and torn apart by these Jackals out here in life. Take them away; suddenly; Im a guy who never had a girlfriend. Never had a wife. Never had anything or anyone ever. Nothing; zero… And has been treated as invisible; completely.
.
So; Ill work with God on that… The world has been hostile toward me. Im hated by women; not all of them. A few like me; a very few; but they actually see value; but 99% would never marry me. The other 1%; I don’t know them.
.
Heres the deal; God can do everything and anything. Believe me… My heart and mind are almost restored back to when I met that First Love person. That person is now a complete stranger and Im the one who looks at them as they are the outsider. Ive got God or Im IN with God… Their out! And this is real; And this is just one example of God removing the evil from my life; When God removes the evil; HE removes it! Its like coming home and looking on the carpet and seeing that stain (that stain; That big coffee stain) The one your brother created when he tripped with the coffee pot; the one filled with that black camp-fire tar like coffee he was trying at your house. You love your brother; but that stain is permanent; You tried everything. Its OKE; its not worth the fight; Its a huge stain; no problem; but one would have to replace the carpet or the big floor rug; No big deal; it can be replaced; its not that big. Its all good; its been a few years now! . GO to sleep; wake up a few hours later; stumble out into the living room; sit down at the computer; watch crime channel; create music; Not paying attention; my eyes wonder; Im looking around; and I notice something is wrong. I double back; I look down at the ground to the far right… No big deal; I continue to look at the screen… I stop; look back at the floor; at the carpet; No big deal; But then suddenly I see. The carpet is a nice shade of Well; carpet shag green; My favorite early 1970’s colors. Then I see; NO STAIN. I stop for a moment to get a grip. “ Thats impossible”. Because; It is impossible… But it is possible; theirs no stain; not anymore… Is gone; its vanished.
.
When Im in Gods sovereign state and I badger God; and talk to God directly; Things that are enemies of mine and Gods; They go away from me. God now owns me. God has legal rights over me; and anything that causes me harm; it goes away… and soon I watch the unbelievable; it disappears. These are those miracles people talk about when dealing with the church or God.
.
God does not allow bad things to happen to me in Gods sovereign state; God makes me clean from that. I have to ask him. Usually this has to do with getting over people of the past that used me and crucified me when I was innocent and didn’t know what was going on. God has saved me from those situations at this point. Gone into my heart and taken it over. Gone in to that past; gone in grabbed my heart and worth and value and brought it back to the little boy in me. I only know God now. I don’t remember those other people from the outside; My heart is owned by God; I dont remember those other people. I only remember God. And that is what is happening; they are starting to vanish and God is making their value of less and less interest over a very very short time period. Like; within a week; they have declined of interest or feeling like 60-70% perfected. Of-course Ive been working on this stuff for several years. However; all that work means Im showing God Im serious… and God believes me and is helping me. God is power; I am not; I have no power earth; God has all the power in the universe…
.
So; Im starting to be owned by God and taken care of God. I talk to God directly these days about everything I need; I tell God what Im thinking and want help… And in Gods sovereign state. Im in Gods sovereign state.
.
NOTE;
For a moment; I had to feel it; the horrible horrible feeling of never having anyone; No love; no one ever interested in me. Nothing. No one loved me; no one thought about me; Nothing.
.
And I had to see it; I was invisible; Its as if Id never met a girl or a women before… Ive been looked over all my life. And I had to feel it. Thats also what it feels like when the truth comes up front. Im in Gods sovereign state; And when the past is gone; and the false have fled; what is left but an empty field. A field that was never used to plant anything ever. No one was ever interested in it for any use. No one ever farmed it. No one wanted to; it was of no interest. It was invisible.
.
WHAT I BELIEVE: WHAT I WILL ASK GOD.
I believe God; I believe that God; while Im under Gods Sovereign state; God will replace the old and new flowers will begin to sprout up.. they are created by God… They are also under Gods sovereign state. And I will meet those flowers and date them; and marry them… I am asking God..
.
I have this feeling; this wont take long. God Loves me; and wants to help me. Always has… We will see; but I think this whole thing of girlfriends and dating and wives and houses and families; I think these things are going to sprout up from the ground sooner then I think…
.
Im not sure; Im in the fields or presence of such things… Not yet; but kind of… Im feeling the whole beginning of things; Its like being in the building of a thing; but one is not in the corridor of the shops… But one can feel it; I know the halls are going to open up into large mall areas of great shops…
Its like being in a busy town with lots of movement. Im out and about; Im not part of anything yet; its like Im not present yet; but God is setting me up to be part of things at some point because it is Gods city and God is in control; And Im being looked after.
.
At some point; Ill be married; ill have a house car a wife and kids… And ill be sitting in a front room and looking back at when I was sitting at this computer writing this. We will see. Ill talk to God about all of this…
.
NOTE: And if I may say so….
What is happened to me; the direct communication with God; feeling safe and free to look up and just ask God directly; share what I am feeling and asking God; what do I do with it; or about it… directly; this is what 5 year olds do all the time…
.
It feels like what I was doing with God when I was a child; I had a giant immersive relationship with God; and God is who I talked to and listened to and walked with… And worked with as felt the grass on the ground or saw the fish in the creek or watched the bugs on the trees; or ran from the bees when I through rocks at their hives… built shapes from gluing pine cones together… Or looked up at the birds.
.
THE OUTSIDE WORLD:
The outside world does not understand these things; these things of a child. The Bible claims; the meek shall inherent the earth. This means adults are walking around in touch with the power of the universe the way a young child is in touch with it… Its a secret kind of thing… only children and the meek shall ever know….
.
The outside world does not know God… And to think they will treat me with spiritual respect; as such is insanity; it will turn into a state of derangement once the world gets a hold of me and twists my top off. For the world sees me as weak. And if there is one thing they hate more then anything else; its the showing of what they consider weak. And everything in Gods kingdom that makes God great; is hated out in the real world. The world feels a hostile revultion towards weak; a loathing repelled aversion. A decent person is laughed at in the world... Decency is considered the truest form of weak...
.
I WAS LOST NOW IM FOUND:
For better or worse; Ive independently done allot of work in the spiritual recovery world process; and were I was once lost; I am now found. I am found again and will continue to get even stronger as this spiritual energy river flows and I expand with it… Amen…
.