June 2025
May 2025
The purpose;
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The main reason for working on all this stuff on these blogs and all the praying and such; to get to a point of taking responsibility for things that have happened in my life with others.
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My main complaint has been how I've been used or treated and not understanding why I was treated so badly horribly; Discarded the way I was discarded.
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The goal is to finally get to a place with God; praying non stop. The goal is to ask God for forgiveness for what I've done to others until finally I can see the my real role in anything and learn to follow through so they don't happen anymore. Not sure any of this makes sense.
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So; Concerning the girl up the street; resentments; The goal is to look at what happened; keep at it until the truth comes through.
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Ask God to forgive me for what I've done to her. If her pic comes up in my mind; ask God to forgive me for hurting her or harming her or using her or manipulating her and so forth; until I finally get to a point that a spiritual opening occurs.
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What does a spiritual opening look like? Suddenly I can see that when I look back at a person who was involved in my life and trouble came; I can look back and see only my role in it.. Why is this important. at some point I can follow through completely. What does this mean to follow through?
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I can ask God to forgive me for harming the person. Suddenly I can see myself in that situation in the real world and when I do something to harm; could be something very small; I can respond immediately. I mean; I can see it in my imagination with that original person in the past; I can see myself following through with that person; Im responding immediately in the situation and following completely through; if I can do this in my imagination; Im breaking through the whole concept of ressentiments; Im coming back to life again taking charge of my own life again.
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Nothing scares me more than fixing a romantic problem or spiritual problem with a monster. I'm not really interested in that; I would rather not; and let them go. And then slowly walk away. However, I'm working with God trying to learn how to fix resentments from the past.
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What do I have to say about the GIRL UP THE STREET; from my past; very little at this point. The fixing of resentments; seeing my ability to respond to the problem with immediacy fixes the problem. I start with asking God to forgive me for what I have done; and the only thing I focus on is my role in the situation; and every time I see that persons face in my head I automatically turn to God and ask God to forgive me for my roll in harming her.
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At some point; I began to see myself follow through to a point of completely answering the problem and following through completely.
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The key is; I see it in my imagination; following through; this happens only through growth.
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When I see an image of them in my head living the good life and I become the victim suddenly and in anger; I immediately torn to ask God to forgive me for harming them; lll do this 20 times each time I think of them.
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God is trying to teach me how to break through in the present with real world situations.
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I'm starting to get it; starting to see new pictures of myself breaking through in the present with others of choice; I can see it in my mind. I can see myself breaking through; thus meaning I can also see myself breaking through with those of the past who took advantage of me.
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Am I making myself clear? Not sure; I think so; part of it.
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ITs all a really good thing; When I can take my power back; Not care what others think; ask God to forgive me for my harm of others over n over and learn to follow through suddenly in the real world Im following through with real world situations and suddenly I realize I can follow through with those old resentments of people I went silent on. I can fix those situations. If I could go back in time I could fix those situations right after they start; I can reverse them before they get out of hand.
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Why is God doing all of this; possibly preparing me from something in my future in the real world.
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THE GIRL UP THE STREET;
My God; I must have more to say about her; right? Doesn't seem so; I'm getting to the core of the problem. Resentments against her are the core and I'm getting solutions from God concerning the answers. ANd the answers are to clean up the mess before it ever starts; that's the answer; and if the mess bleeds out onto everything; stop playing victor or avoider or victim and just go clean it up; clean up the problem; go talk to the girl; tell her everything; plead my case and wait for an answer.
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Biggest problem I had with THE GIRL UP THE STREET; when young; she wanted something; but it wasnt me. It was what she thought I had to give her. THe real me had no value to her; I meant nothing to her. So this is an example when starting out with bad people; no good is going to come of it. She was a bad person and there's nothing I can work with.. No direction; nothing can be done. Its possible to become friends again over n over; but nothing will ever change; the person sees no worth or value in me as a person; and that's what happened when I was young with her.
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In the end I called her and asked her if she wanted to hang out; she said NO!~ And that was the end of that.
In my opinion she should have said yes; simply based on my value as a human being; but she was not interested in my value as a human being. Thus we back track and ask the question; if I'm around the wrong person; then how did this happen that I found myself around this wrong person; I was around the wrong person because I chose to meet her when offered. And there it all is in a nut shell.
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Why didn't I leave early and never return. I was seduced very easily into believing she was a hurting sensitive person that needed someone to love her. Was this correct; NO! This is what I needed for my own life; I was projecting it on to her. SHe was actually not hurting at all; she was just played a role with me. WHy did I make a big deal about it; why didnt I just leave; I couldn't; I was hitched or caught up with this; I believed it because I wanted to. I didn't know someone was playing me. I didn't even know someone wanted to. I didn't even know someone cared to. I wasn't expecting this trap. I wasn't expecting a trap. In my mind I thought I had met a nice girl; I did not///; The question is; how any of this happened in the first place.
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The point is; 2 different people with different sets of beliefs. One lawless one not. I go by laws; the other is an opportunist.
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I'm a decent man; the other person was not a decent human being; nothing. Worthless and that didn't bother them a damn bit. Ment nothing to them; but should any of this be my business concerning my opinions of this person; NO! Her life was not my business thus my only later role is to work with God to see my role in the situation and slowly work my way out of my involvement with this person.
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So; my goal is to see myself separated from this person from the start. The only way for this to happen is to see myself with my own life without this person... and thats where the trouble starts. That is the big big restoration.
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Satan is the one who sent that person my way... It was Satan trying to trip me up and destroy me; that is who she was working for. And I was destroyed; never saw it coming; caught my weak areas and I was without defense. It was an act of Satan by Satan; She was just a minion of Satan; millions of them. I got caught and didnt want to admit it.
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THe key is to comeback to being me again as I am without the memories of these parasites. THey were sent by Satan and worked for Satan; more tho; they were all Satan and I got ripped to pieces by Satan's minions when I found myself wondering in there fields...
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SO; as I work through these Satanic disasters; One area that Im heading toward is to regain my identity without the need of the other person involved in my in inner voice or mind; no remembrance; nothing; that is what Im asking GOds help for; FOr this to happen; I must see the person who whom they really are and what they were really planning on doing.
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Satan sends others; Ive met them; they've tried to play with me; but I refuse; it goes nowhere from the start.
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So; the work continues; to get a stronger relationship with GOd at an inner level taking over the positions of MOther and FATHER.
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Working with God to see a brighter future where Everything is always working out for me...
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And I have to get rid of people like THE GIRL UP THE STREET; that continue to influence me. Getting rid of there negative influence on my life.
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I got taken; or Huck n Jived. I got blind sided and knocked off the tracks.
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The goal is to admit what happened; who did it and why; and get back up on the tracks and keep going.
I didnt expect to be literally knocked out like this by someone; but they were murders; not surprising; I met them because a murder'r in the family system I came from met them... I mean; it was to close for me to understand what was going on.
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I also broke a rule I understood; What they will do to others they will do to me; Im never so special they wont steal from me if they've been stealing from everyone else.
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