Its already began.///
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My habits are starting to change; This is significant...
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This means Im in control of some of my thinking not the PTSD. IT does not mean I dont have PTSD long term; it just means all the recovery work is paying off.
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Im starting to consider the universe and God magical; magic! And its magic that Im working on...
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Its magical to ask God for help and the help God brings is magical; its at the level of magic.
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Everything is magic!
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First significance of change;
The Habit Of Cleaning...
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My habit of cleaning has began. Ive been working on this. Now; when I get up I write affirmations on loving the feeling of cleaning and and sweeping and scrubbing. My goal was to create a new apartment by cleaning it so thoroughly it becomes the apartment of my dreams. If I can do this I can do anything. This is important because it means my impulsive nature is thus changed to something constructive; very constructive. I get into the habit of cleaning everything and keeping it as such; and organized thoroughly... And this has been missing from my life in all areas; What does that mean. To be thorough in cleaning things up could mean; in playing an instrument; in practicing; making sure I finish what I start; thoroughly practicing a bit everyday until Im better; not skimping; instead; put myself out for more practice everyday... It can mean grabbing the broom every time I get up or scrubbing a door or counter top or bathroom shower area... It can mean writing lyrics daily...
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Its a kind of habit about cleaning up and staying that way; keeping clean and making it a life style. IT means a change of life style. It means following through on paper in a plan and in real life; and it means praying about it all the time; everything on my knees for what I want... let the magic Of God lead me and take over.
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Its happening now for cleaning.. My whole place is being stripped of everything and starting over. My goal is that clean look. Organized look... Prayed over organized look of stations. Several stations of the tings I like to do... kept organized. And Im learning how to do this by practicing everyday... and its been working... As I mentioned; Im going to have one cleaned apartment and organized.
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I plan to use this concept of through all of my endeavors; not just cleaning. The principles are the same. Its a kind of altra responsible; to respond. respond-ability. To respond with fervor and gusto.
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Why is all of this so important and a first of its kind as an adult? because its a sign of me taking over my own life and managing it any way I want. I can have as much success at this as I choose to work. Ive proven it; meaning this first habit of cleaning and where it will take me... Its a habit of highly successful people.
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This is also a fist of beginning the real ascend out of the whole of misery and hell ive been in for much of my life... It begins to show a respond ability for my own life; to respond with immediacy; thus eliminating any trouble or neglect. ITs the first of its kind and its been a gaol of mine for a Long long time; only a dream years a go.
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Let me also say; This has become a habit; not just a whim or a wish. This is an authentic habit; its becoming a way of life. A successful way of living. And I can see it branching into so many other areas of my life; thus learning how to follow through with immediacy on all areas or endeavors of interest in my like... any where from photography to painting to how I treat people and how I keep my bedding washed on a regular basis... That kind of thing.
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As God continues to show me how to grow as I follow him; and pray to do his will not mine over n over n over all day long on my knees; I literally pray on my knees about everything; every move waiting on him; and I wait for the universe to put the new thoughts and directions in my head; As I go through these rituals I realize I can probably do anything... meaning I can take things seriously; finish what I start; learning how to respond to what Im doing very quickly so I can have a solid running at the finish line; and is that not all that I ever wanted in this life... to have a solid run to the finish line...
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I always thought my father would be their for me and be my support; never happened and I krimpled up into a ball and never came out of it. However, God is giving me that support now. And Im starting to get strong from it.
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I wanted me real social life back; Im tired of spending my time at 12 step meetings with some creepy people and sociopaths; not all are; but a few spoil the baking cake....
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So; I want out; I want to move on to a normal life again....