May 2025
April 2025
I believe Im heading into a world of relationships and work activities... Or career and family realities... Call it what I want; intimacy and occupational participation; affections and interactions resulting in the production of a thing; but with excitement and great interest.
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Wouldn't it be nice to be totally excited about doing something or getting involved in something. I never gave up what originally seemed of interest to me as a small boy; It was shelved and put on hold most of the time.. I never knew how to get it off the shelf or keep it from being put on hold.
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I still have those interests. I can see; when I speak about ART: I see my original life in grade school; and thus; that is 2 much for me; for I will loose that life; it will die...
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When I resurrect Art back into my life; I remember the surroundings a child; I remember my whole childhood and suddenly my nervous system stops all of it and switches my personality so I will not be PTSD triggered at a 1000 levels.
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The point is; That Im slowly working back into that original life; ( Its all GOd); I do the work and suddenly new things materialize... And Aint that a Kicker!!!!! I mean; thats like winning the lottery again!... I won a spiritual lottery the first time; and now this;
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It is starting to happen; I cant deny it.
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Im moving into a space where the gap is filled so Im moving into a new realm down energy river; the row boat Im floating in is heading down energy river to a new shore; and its a shore of a newer me; Parts of me from the past are showing again in my life. These parts are a most positive situation; This was a time period of independence and enterprising hopefulness. I was free and wanting to become things for my future and do things; Still to young to participate.
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Im starting to become free again...
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Ive never been free to have a career or occupation; never! ANd suddenly; However; with much work; its starting to show up; the freedom to take a few more chances and allow some positive thoughts in my imagination concerning dreams; Im seeing a more possible reality when before all dreams were gone.
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The idea I have a greater better attitude about things is fabulous! I mean; really! This is incredible.
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For some; the tiny changes and advancements I make that mean so much to me; Are nothing to the movers and shakers in the world. But for me; any tiny unforeseen change is a great leap forward of personal private endeavor; Something hidden in the deepest caves of my being; but I can still see it and feel it.. Its a hidden deep down silent achievement tamed in the mysts of dark torn layered boggy lit unconsciousness; a taming rising and seeking to get out to and find Metropolis. The light for this steam-ship does not sit on the top deck; but in the generator shaft rooms that run the propellers at the bottom of the boat; The darkness of the mind!
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THe point is; silent walking into the next unfolding grassy pathways of the unfolding unearthed realms; THe universe is creating such things within my mind... Im walking into them; and when I touch that ground; suddenly I look back and I see no past; Ive made it to the other side.
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I seem to have traveled past some of my grief; thus Im coming right back into my life!@ Not all! Not complete! but just enough to see it has actually happened; I dont know what will happened next!
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Fingers crossed; This is a big moment.. Will I be restored; I dont know; its just a start; I get what I earn. I earn By bowing down to God and doing Gods will..
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THe kind of relationship Im talking about with GOd is not a stupid shallow civilized sunday morning rant; Im talking about for survival purposes... Taking GOd with me all day long because I have to; I depend on it; My life depends on it.
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ANway; have I made myself clear; Im seeing a new life on the horizon and it certainly is making my focus an intriguing curiosity
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