OMNICELL's Blog

by **OMNICELL** on Tue Mar 11, 2025 10:54 pm

Try, scrape, crawl, push, beg God; Starting at ground zero…. Ill do anything…..
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As the Song claims… “ It aint me; Im not the wealthy mans son I didn’t come from no senator, I don’t have a room in the rich mans house.
I believe in my country…
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I start at the beginning just like any Hero in the video game; Im the same way… I am that Hero; and that hero in the game; Hes usually a gungHo lively young Knight heading forth to make his fortune in the land… He starts out with nothing but his wits and hopefully half a brain with God on his side and his Grama’s Values; Kings Quest, a Knights Quest… and their it is…
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A Knights Quest; and thats what Im on!
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What is this looking like; A children's tale from the Middle Ages. Ive read a few stories from the middle ages… A Few tales… Several of them about a Knight seeking out to find their fortune and life out into the world. And that is what I am doing; its the same…
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God is preparing me. And this is what Im learning. Ill, dig, crawl, fight legally, push, pull, plead with God on my knees, Scrape. Climb. Try! Ill try; Ill do anything… Ill try to show up; trying for someone starting out at zero; is better then nothing; and everything is better then nothing and should be given credit. The starter at ground zero does everything; they don’t have society standards; they are forced to attempt, to try, to maybe connect if that is all they can give; anything is good… thats the fight of those in desperation; they have no rules; they must fight for what they want and hopefully; they will actually believe in it not do it out of fear… instead; after the fear; they will want to do it... see some value in it.
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Im in this place of earning my way past the smaller nonsense of life; in life; Im seeing a deeper clear picture… However; I start out at ground zero like everyone else; This is my first time starting out in life; Really starting out; and Im at ground zero but I have a wonderful attitude attempt; Hopefully with enough spiritual protection I can keep it. I have a rock’n attitude and acceptance concerning starting out.
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NOTE; Ive been this far before? No; but kind of; when I was young; but without GOd and proper direction.. and I ended up crushed and destroyed before I got started; I had no one. and no one on my side; I was completely alone; I never made it... I was fillet’d the first wrong move out in society. I reeled back in confusion. I was rejected; not accepted. Its as if I had gone from a TV world that always accepted people; from that; to no family; no house; nothing… and then the outside world where I was not accepted… I was walled off.
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It looks like I just might get their this time; self actualize into that Knight that seeks his rightful place at the Round table. And Ill work for every square inch of it… The Journey; And its all under God…
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If I work for it it will materialize.
What am I going to work to get; to scrape and fight and crawl and plead and work with God; what do I want. I want that girlfriend; that is actually a friend who is sent by God… who already knows God. I want Money; House.
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What do I want;
I want a great attitude toward cars and car insurance and maintenance… I want to go deeper when it comes to cars; deeper spiritually so I appreciate cars and having one. I want to grow up during that period of teen years I missed and before in the adolescence years; where I was scarred to death. Or the death out of me…
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I want to go so deep; I know Im on my own and no one owes me anything nor as to. They don’t have to; This trip is between me and God; this car thing. Its up to me to go deeper with God; meaning; Im not God; God is God; and work with God getting rid of the resentments and in the end; believing Im going to get a car. That is all the goal I need concerning this subject; Just to believe Im going to get a car. For this to happ...

[ Continued ]

by **OMNICELL** on Sat Mar 08, 2025 8:41 am

Trust
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Im now at a place of learning about Trust. Im at this place of learning how to Trust God. Im at this place of learning how to Trust women; and I do not know how!
Im at this place of Faith
How do I trust myself and have faith.
Ive not been good at deciphering anyone or anything. I realize Ive been around the wrong people. If I find myself around the wrong people what do I do… I have to learn to have a base with God…
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When I venture out; I have no idea; I don’t know who to Trust or how to win out there… I don’t know…
I don’t trust anyone…
Ive never been enough for anyone.
No one has valued me for being myself as I am; its never happened. Maybe once I think when I was younger; but even that person; if I did not have a future financially; they would have been gone at some point.
So; Its all very strange; Im assuming I was suppose to have a wife and a family… Ill have to go through God…
I almost feel like; What did I do to deserve this? Everything is a dead end. Its literally like a dead end; I just end up nowhere.
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I have no interest in people who have no interest in me. And that is all Ive found.
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Im a nice guy; I can be trusted; Sure Im liked people some people; Those that cant be trusted like everything about me…
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Im looking for those that are like me; that can be trusted… It just seems to hard all of this; over n over n over n over n over n over n over…
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Ill go to God. And work with God. Ive been here before…
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The people Ive ended up with; its just horrific… Nothing could have prepared me for those nightmares of those monsters; over n over n over; Unbelievable. How did those type of people find me or ever find themselves around me; and their was no one else around me; Nothing.
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I remember only once being with a nice girl; But I could not imagine that if she truly knew who I was; the trouble Ive seen; that she would have ever stayed more then a day; She would have waited and gone out with some guy sure to bring me the money or be in professional positions. SO; I would say; God never sent her.
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So; Im looking for those people God is sending me. Thus; Only choice is to stick with God and work through God…
I feel like the concept in the Bible that states something about the idea of a lovely Doe or a wife; Someone lied. Their has never been anyone like this for me ever; Ive never met anyone like this?
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The people Ive met are not people; they were worthless scumbags; and Im worried that I did not know why I attracted them; but I have an idea; I was at the bottom of the barrel and didn’t know it… And that is the problem.
So; the question is; How do I get to where higher quality people exist and become that level in society.
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Im not really around the right people; I have never been. No one has ever seen my worth or accepted me; Nothing.
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SO; I will turn to God and work with God; what choice do I have.
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This is a hard one.
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Ive heard that its not men that divorce; its women; they divorce because they get bored or theirs not enough resources.
Ive never heard of anyone who actually likes each other or women marrying someone because they actually found a decent person that liked them. I get the impression its more about the thrills; Women find someone that is thrilling and they fall for that…
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Men fall in love with women; Women fall in love with the life style a mans money can bring them; They do not love anything. That truly is what Ive seen.
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What scares me; Ive never attracted anyone that liked me for me; for who I am. In my world; I would never even talk to someone that didn’t have my best interests at heart. Now; I cant even find anyone. Its like I live on a planet of aliens…
Im from one planet; they are from another; its like being around a bunch of corrupt people. Should I become corrupt because others are; and that way Ill fit in; No Thanks.
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All I can do is trust on God; and l...

[ Continued ]

by **OMNICELL** on Fri Mar 07, 2025 5:59 am

Manhood;
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That is the next step; The next step forward is my manhood…
This is the manhood I would have learned growing up; And that will never happen under that regime for they did not care about me or what happened to me. The good news is; It can happen under Gods sovereign state and it is… Im showing up; and thus because Im in Gods realm in Gods sovereign state; I get to work with God on it.
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Im at that place; Im in the middle of it right now; that Gap area between boyhood teenage-hood; Young man hood and manhood. And Im making my way up the ladder of manhood…
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Its all God directed; Im a little kid inside and God is has taken my hand and is leading me on a journey to my manhood; And God is my Mother and My Father; and God is leading me; Guiding me instructing me, taking care of me on this journey to my Manhood.
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Most things I want in this life; they require me to be a Man. And the things I want are in the middle of society. And So, God has a plan for me to change; change from where Im at into this Man to get the things I want… And that is what is happening.
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Why is this so important or of value right now; Well; I have several levels of foundation. And so Im making a smooth transition to Manhood; That would be the perfect utopia concept; Kind of; Their is no real smooth transition to manhood; its all brutal and caurse and ruff. However; Im a-bit-uz to the idea of it and further more; ready for it Kind a… I am; However,…. Im still a small child inside being taken by the hand of God; taken on the hunt… and learning…. God has me… Im accepting… God is the Treacher; God has my interests at heart… The Universe is on my side.
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I have to become a man in order to show up to the things I want; I have to become a man because God wants me to become a man; A Caveman to survive; And God will turn me into one if I desire what is out on the hunt and I do.
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If I am to hunt and have success as a hunter; I must become a Caveman to do so…. I am turned into a cave man.
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But how is this possible without ever having any parents and being stripped of my life when young and completely lost; and later addicted to substances ( For a short amount of time; but a convincing amount of time)and vastly mentally ill. What do I do. Well; God has the resources and techniques and tools for such a job; and when I become a student the teachers appear. For me; This is all under God; In Gods sovereign state.
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As I mentioned above…
First.
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1. I GET to do things today; This is the new change of attitude adaptation. This is a real philosophic change. This is internalized as a way of life… And I got this from my 12 step meetings…. I have a philosophy for living and it is based in Attitude; a change of Attitude; I GET to be part of things today… its an appreciation.
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2. Work Ethic… IF I work for it under Gods sovereign state; it will always materialize… This is from the 12 step meetings I go to. I have changed it around with Gods permission to suit me and my situation. IT means that; since Im under Gods sovereign state and under Gods supervision and control; I get perks; being able to work for something under Gods light; it will always materialize in Gods compound; his tribe; His living area that I belong to. When Im In with God; I got extras; and this is one of them; If I work for it; it will always materialize. ( The key is; I have to always believe; and this is possible if I work with God; God will show me how to believe; The Universe will teach me how to believe). This means for me; this is an add on to the laws of attraction and success based thinking; thinking like the wealthy; doing what they do; thinking like they think. However; all things are done and taken to God first; I co create my life with God. I co create with God for my future; A Wife, Money; House,. Car, Career, Job; occupation, education; vacation; All things… including t...

[ Continued ]

by **OMNICELL** on Wed Mar 05, 2025 1:52 pm

So it begins…
The purge back into society; The purging of living on memories; The purging of being stuck in a time- warp that repeats itself over n over. This means a full immersion back into society. Its more like the purge creates a running affect; its energy directed; that is the full immersion missile. Society its self is an identification. Ive learned my lesson and no more escaping from life; ( Im trying to escape from the escape). Life is the escape because I say so. And for anyone or any man to get this far in life; is a good thing. Its like coming home. Its more then coming home. Its coming back to God; its coming back; and that is a good thing; a lucky thing; a fortunate thing. Its life; as we know it!
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Benefits of the Recovery process
Wht have I gotten from spending half my life in 12 step groups; Ive received riches; but in what form?; Attitude. What I used to clamor about; about being a slave. Now; my attitude has changed; Now Im reverent that I get to be part of life. That I get a chance to step back into it; truly incredible; truly. A door has been opened to me; and opportunity; not given to everyone; But its given to me… And Im taking it and have been taking it for a long long time; for Ive been traveling back in forth in n out of these doors. But now a newer door has been offered me; a door of openness and closure. When I walk through this door; I wont want to ever go back through it again. Ill be staying in the present again because life will be bearable to me for me in the present; For God has re structured everything for me to live in the present and win.
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NOTE: What do I mean by Win! Well; I get the same life back I had before when I was a kid; but I have no desire to have the scumbags( The bad people)( Strangers pretending to be someone else) in my life who fooled me when I was young; Ive become aware of what they are; and they are no longer needed to make me happy or to feel stable by their trickery. I have a life built underneath their deception they know nothing about and never will; its life where Im being taken care of by God; and they have no part of it.
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I win! …………………………..
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Its pure riches. I really don’t know; if I compared what I have to someone that inherits a billion dollars; seriously; would they really have more then me. Well; Im a man that likes money. I may not have much right now… ! However; I believe everyone aught to be rich; filthy rich; rich enough to ski every day for the rest of their lives. RICH! Full a cash; thats what I think.
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I never got a chance to dream like this when I was young. We will see… I mean. Ive never pursued any wealth before… Not until getting involved with God and success based thinking processes… So; havent pursued anything like that yet! Dont know; Ill work with God on stuff.
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My life is coming back; Im so very lucky regardless of what or where I came from; To be able to go beyond what I experienced or where I came from; incredible. Under Gods directive; to come back to society ( or feeling safe that altho within society not part of society only by choice)( but still part of society)( not living in a false dream world). ( I have a dream world but its through God)( the rest of me is here on planet earth); to come back as if I never left; Like it was all a dream; all the bad things that happened. And I never lost out; Instead; God just replanted me somewhere else. Its almost like winning the lottery. I listened to God and God replanted me and I sprouted; re sprouted at the new location of where he planted me; But I had to ask his permission for his help; I had to ask permission after getting his help. I had to ask his permission for help; and he helped me… and their it is…
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I was fooled in my dream. But Im not in my dreams. Im in reality; I take my desires to God.. And I learn to live out my dreams…
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I did not re sprout as someone else; I was g...

[ Continued ]

by **OMNICELL** on Mon Mar 03, 2025 7:04 am

The main goal is to get over FIRST LOVE…
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What does that mean; it means there is no more First Love; but Im still being controlled by it; by the memories…
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They have a hold of me. Im now working that I have a hold of them. I want to break through. That is what is important; breaking through… Thats what Im working on… Thats whats most important right now. Nothing else is important; just this.
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I drill through this by getting way below Gods shrine as I pray to God and imagine Im drilling through the earth under God with my hands… meaning to become humble so that God can bring me a new life.
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The point is; when Im humble and Im underneath or below God; I have a chance to look upward and take an interest in a real life; Not a bunch of rumination from the past. I can actually look forward to something real. Thats what counts…
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I know its all a lie; all of it in my head.
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Ive broken through many things with Gods help and Im going to break through this as well. It will be like a Water breaking through a dam… thats the goal; just have to keep at it until I come out on the other side.
It could be this persons memory is also associated with the time period of sexual abuse; they are both tied into each other. So breaking through one breaks into the other and that might be whats stopping my mind from going forward.. What ever it is I will be attempting to break through; Ill working at it all the time; This is the most important aspect I have; to break through this and come out on the other side to start over again.
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I just want my mind free of the lies. Its like Im drunk with resentments I don’t even want anymore. I don’t want them; they are making me sick; drunk and they are a place where I avoided to; like an addiction. I don’t want to avoid anymore. Im trying to set goals for my future… These things have no place in my future life… I want a new life.
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So; its like breaking through a wall. Ill keep at it moment after moment after moment. I dissociate and avoid. And Im going to beat this thing and break through; God will help me.
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Ive made allot of progress but I have to keep digging in until its all gone. I have not broken through anything.
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I broke through concerning occupational stuff; Music Art and Writing creating; it looks like; Im just now seeing some break through at deeper levels with writing. However; Ive been breaking through with it anyway. Guitar has been breaking through. Memorizing lyrics has been breaking through.
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Many areas have been breaking through.
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Now; Im on to relationship stuff; and that means breaking through to the other side. I don’t know how long this will take; but Im getting wholly tired of it. I don’t want my nervous system hanging on to anymore; Im getting mad about it… Im tired of it…
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I think I have to go back to 4-5 years old; 3 1/2 years old; ask God to help me break through.
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It may take 6 months; I don’t know… it will take what it takes to be free of this; I want my brain back; its mine; I want it back; its been living in a swamp from the past; living their; I want out; I want free of it; thats what Im working on.
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I have to continue to get up to speed with this until Im full force under God and breaking through… breaking relationship problems into the present. The fact Im a victim is true; but now Im being victimized by my nervous system protecting me. I don’t need to be protected anymore. And I want out.
So; Thats what I will be working on. This is wholly frustrating.

In through the Vortex

Im now at a place of learning about Trust

MANHOOD is where I am going

So it begins… The purge back into society

The main goal is to get over FIRST LOVE

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