OMNICELL's Blog

by **OMNICELL** on Thu Sep 11, 2025 10:30 pm

New story…
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In the meetings today. A women I know of; not very well; she is interesting and attractive. I have talked to her before. I maybe had someone interest in her; but that was short lived. Something wrong with her.
Every time I share; I can hear her tone of voice after Ive finished sharing; its like someone who is putting me down or doesn’t take me seriously… I didn’t get it at first; her strange aloof behavior around me. Now I don’t care.
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Im beginning to get it; She a weirdo… And Im ouda here…
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Ive began to get allot of anxiety from Anxiety Disorder… Why? Im growing and changing; Im wanting to break through the glass bubble I live in and come through the denationalization’l dome I live in; break on through to the other side. Well; its been happening; slowly pushing and moving forward going beyond my bounds… over n over; weakening the Denationalization. In addition; Ive been creating a new life outside the dome… I am a new plant that sprouted; a rutabaga ready to dance… and be about the shrub brush; moving from the shrub brush to the beach; catching a ride on a log across the channel to a new life…
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I just got a little closer; right up to the edge… And with the commitments Ill keep with my accountability people; ( I believe Im ready); Ill be making some small moving waves out from the beach; a few feet into the water; pushing on that bubble I live in; stretching that thing really far this time. Ill be doing some new things; things that require responsibility and stability and commitment. And it looks like Ive got a plan and Ive prayed about it and Im serious.
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The anxiety disorder; some forms of this come from PTSD; Long term CPTSD; and thus; Ill be re walking down the past ruins of a childs broken life… and through that; reliving that pain and terror and horror; and come out the other side. I really don’t want to face or feel the humiliation or degradation of my life again where I was under seige and without any control over my life from perpetrators.
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So; I have to keep to my pathways under God; Just keep to the plan and thoroughly learn how to build skills until Im good at them and complete at them; meaning; completing them thoroughly. I think this can happen; I just need to go very slowly through some of it. It triggers the most deepest of wounds… Its hard even talking about it.
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Back to the story;
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The women at the meetings; Something told me something was wrong with this person when I met them or talked to them for the first time. I had ignored the person for a year I think on purpose; I just saw now need or reason to associate with them…
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She is very attractive girl; but that doesn’t really mean anything…
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lately; around her and a bit in the past being around her; I do not like her; I don’t like what I hear and I don’t like the way she treats me; taking me for granted; I can hear it in her tone of voice; as if Im an object she is sizing up; and she is sizing up that object much much lower then what I actually am. Im almost getting the position that she sees me as disposable and weak.
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The problem is; Im not her object to be doing anything with! Thats the problem; Who cares what she thinks of me; Im ouda here. Meaning; Ill drop her as any contact immediately; and I did and I am.
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WHY IS ALL OF THIS IMPORTANT: WHAT IS THE IMPORTANT POINT;
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The importance of this action to drop this person from my roaster; is; Im worth more then to be treated this way by anyone; its a red flag to get out of there… say goodbye to this person even tho I hardly know them. I don’t know them at all.
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The way I jumped away from the person and don’t care; Like; its doesn’t matter at all; God will send me to a thousand other people who do respect me; I don’t even need to be under this persons umbrella. Its ridiculous.
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I don’t need to be part of anything like that from anyone…
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The important as...

[ Continued ]

by **OMNICELL** on Sun Sep 07, 2025 3:35 pm

So the first concept concerning my future with women is; TO Talk to them; Period.
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And the help it will take to talk to them… Their it is; And God how do I do this God; what do you want me to do here God; what direction God. How.
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So; I have to pray. I have to pray first and keep it up; to create bridges to the starting point of this; and how to get their… From where Im at now.
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And to have support for this; for the real world; Amen. Start creating stories of where Im at now… Amen

by **OMNICELL** on Thu Sep 04, 2025 3:02 pm

What have I learned today;
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I may have learned all I needed to learn today to start with…
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So glad I have a sponsor…
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SO; I tried to kill myself when young on drugs and alcohol; but I woke up; I got drug psychosis; later became an alcoholic by drinking years after I stopped using drugs…
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And trying to escape kill myself in other ways…
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So; I wake up in high school; I wake up sober; and its like OK; Now what; I realize Ive become one of those troubled people; what do I do now; where do I go from here; what do I do; I got that pessimistic attitude about living and life; whats the point; what do I do now. SO; Im actually getting it in recovery; OK; what do I do now; Its like Im in the 10th grade; I get it; Im seeing myself attitude about life; I turned into one of those guys; who tries to kill himself in verious ways to get out of here; to deal with my troubles; Im still here; what do I do now.
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However; Im awake; Im sober; what do I do now! Its like Im in 10th grade; in High school; what do I do now!

by **OMNICELL** on Sun Aug 31, 2025 5:12 am

Went to a meeting; talked about social anxiety; Because I cant even deal with anyone in front of me because Im terrified of all of it; the idea of a relationship…
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The only remote relationships Ive had; the goal was relief from social anxiety disorder. Actually; I just wanted to be loved by a family; The girl finally gave up why I was at her house; and soon; the whole thing just crumbled. I got mad at the girl for not understanding.
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What I needed was lots of support I didn’t have. Now I have some levels of support.
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When I take this stuff to God; I get one answer back; Just follow they guide from one of the Dating coaches I watch; ( a very good one); Just do what he says and stop trying to make women into men when Im talking to them. Im talking to a women; I have to talk in a way that conveys my interest in having a girlfriend or a wife… I have to create the excitement and interest in her so she can decide for herself. This is specific language associated to women for the purpose of courting… This is not One man talking to another; that wont work here; And thats the way it is; either adapt or go home alone; Women are not men and never will be; and never will I talk to them as if Im talking to a guy about a football game…
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Im starting to get it; get in line to the rules of the universe; Fine; I give; Ill do it; Just take orders.
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As for relationships; interactions; dating to going home with someone; I have to learn from the very ground up; all of it.
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Im starting to realize; I never learned anything concerning relationship or dating or women or taking women home or romance or sex or anything.
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I actually was always looking for a family system to hide within because of my anxiety; thats all I ever did. So; I never really had any relationships with anyone.
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Now; I would like to learn how to talk to women and have this all change.
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However; for a New Design for living ( a concept out of the 12 step groups Im a member of); I need relationship with God; support/ sponsor; and I have to learn how to take action. So; taking action can mean simply prayer and writing new stories about the new life I want; or working the steps with a sponsor.
However; in my case; it now means something more real world. If Im working on dating; It means; learning how to go to new places; meet new people in the right tribes; and success with these people means; they will offer introductions to the women they know. And thus it begins; I begin to work with real women I may be able to date and interact with for romantic purposes; Thus; I have to learn how to meet them in introductions; flirt with them creating romantic sexual tensions; and then get their numbers and call them for a next basic date and go from from there… and a whole of more stuff.
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So; all of this interaction requires allot of work and training on my part. The anxiety disorder makes this type of interactions with people; almost completely impossible; I mean; Im in a true literal state of shock n terror. However; something wonderful has happened and continues to happen.
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My ability to accept the things I cannot change; and the courage to change the things I can; and the responsibility associate with showing up and doing the work for a thing; Im much more developed then I realized for general living and I have allot of support. So;
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I think barely I can do this; but I can tolerate doing this. I can; but seriously; really; it gets really vulnerable and absolutely freaks me out to have success with women Im attracted to; My God; its like fantasy to me. I do not feel good enough for such things. However; That wont stop me; but this is really going to hurt going in this direction but in the end I will grow up a bit.
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What I will learn;
I will learn; Im able to go after my own interests; Its OK. Im not the first independent that has had to go after what he wants.. ...

[ Continued ]

by **OMNICELL** on Fri Aug 29, 2025 11:04 pm

Social; Flirting with women; Officially has began
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This is a very important aspect of life right now. Im studying a dating coach on youtube; a very good one; Basically its about talking to women… creating attraction; once created; creating dates; and from there; girlfriends. And their it is; to start with…
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And all of this brings me closer to women. And thus; women tribe.
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Im using the laws of attraction on this relationship dating stuff; for this is one of my goals; relationships. This means; I have to imagine I come into a realm of vast women; and then I meet women and be within women tribe and women nation; thus women all around me; for me to flirt with and date... and talk to and be friends with and go do stuff with...
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I know what I want; I want my life back; I want the ability to date again; I want girlfriends; I want to create sexual tension in women... Because; in addition to a girlfriend; this would mean my social life is back… .
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So; Writing about women and meeting them; and the kind of women I want to associate with.
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I am studying how to talk to women until I become a master; Im stuying some sites on how to be social with women; flirting with women; meeting women; watching this turns to dating… and from their; I can take it from there… Girlfriends… and so fourth; its means Im back in with society again.
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So; I have to imagine Im talking to someone and they want me and Im attractive to them.. and they naturally want me.
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FLIRTING; This is the power…
And its been happening; Im starting to take the suggestions of the dating coaches and practice flirting; Im using their techniques for talking; for flirting and creating tension; Sexual tension; romantic tension.
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Im now officially practicing… I did this today… Im learning; its not that easy; not at first; I have allot to practice; However; its already having its effect. Im losing fear of women very quickly; Why? Because I desire it; Im desporate for it; to get better and out of the black well I crawled from...
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Im losing my fear of women because very quickly and suddenly I remember Used to talk to them and have success with them to a point; I was very young; but it did happen.
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and am practicing how to talk to them; lots of interactions; give n take; this Im interested in...
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lots of flirting practice; Suddenly I remember; Now; instead of looking at women with no confidence; I can simply sit by them and practice different forms of flirting and talking and interacting and practicing; and this has taken the edge off…
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FLIRTING AND CONVERSATION PRACTICE WITH WOMEN;
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This will be hard for awhile; Im not balanced at it; Some times I make it sound like Im picking on a girl; next; it sounds like Im practicing social on a girl. At other times Im acting… and this can be seen; And I am; all of the above and much more; if Im going to become good at flirting and charming and talking to women; and that is the goal here. This is what My whole perpuse concerning women Is turning to… This is where its headed…
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However; there is much much more to it…
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GRIEF>>>
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So; allot of the pain and problem is grief… Grief from a past I remember that will never show up ever again; its all in memories; and as I move forward all of those hopes n dreams die with that past life; Its like watching the Titanic in a movie; and realizing Im on that boat. I can see myself on the boat; all my hopes n dreams; and suddenly in a state of panic; I can see myself helpless and scared; Im going down the with boat; On one side of the scream are visual representations of my dreams and life n goals; On the other side is a video of me panicking as I go down with the ship; And as I watch the end come; I see myself drawn and slip away; never to return; and with it; all the dreams and goals of that past age; all vanish within the haze of reality…
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[ Continued ]

New story…

So the first concept concerning my future with women

Sobering up

Went to a meeting; talked about social anxiety

Social; Flirting with women; Officially has began

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