OMNICELL's Blog

by **OMNICELL** on Mon Jan 20, 2025 1:57 pm

THE NEXT PUSH;
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NOTE: I have to become the person I want to be in life in order to attract the kind of life I want; and all under God...
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On my knees to God…
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The next push forward is out into the community…
In some basic pre situations; its already happening. And Im accepting of it.
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Occupations; Well; I guess at this point one could also call it a Hobby calling; I certainly am using my Purpose; one of them in life… Thus; I kind of mix of Hobby/Calling/Purpose/Occupation style; I wont call this form of occupation traditional payed work; Im not getting traditionally paid; its not a formal paid job… But the tasks are similar and the commitment… Its more a combination of Artistic expression/recreation/recreation concepts/social interactions/practice-skill-development/teamwork.
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ART; Im working with God on Art Purpose. One area that is seeking up on me is; If Im left with nothing but willingness; will that be enough to put out effort for Art creation. Can I break the hardened resentments within myself surrounding Art. I will try; Ill work on it. The goal is interest. Am I so interested in Art that I will create art regardless.
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I thing has been; I havent had a purpose; and Ive needed one; ( What do I do with the Art work) ( whats the calling) ( What is It for).
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However; if I don’t get that answered; Im starting to see the other motivation is from the other side; I simply love making Art. And I want to experiment and make it all day long; so I go make it anyway and play with the ideas… because I want to.
Still; id need much growth to do this; what is required is; to be at base level with nothing concerning Art; be like a person with an interest and thats all I have… And go from there as if no one owes me anything; I just do it because I love doing it or want to be creative.
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I want to feel protected in my life; so……
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NOTE: I have to learn how to memorize.. With PTSD problems; this is hard…
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MENTAL HEATH ISSUES>..
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With Agoraphobia and AVPD; and Dissociative disorder; its hard to leave my apartment into a strange world landscape I don’t fit into… The outside world is made up of people and I have to depend on them and what they have and what I don’t have. I don’t seem to be able to function outside; I just kind of collapse and turn into a walking corps; I have to wait for others to help.
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If the outside world has one thing; its; help; meaning; I have to depend on help to be part of things. I cant function out here… However; at least im trusting the process again enough to believe God is supplying an outside that is suitable for me at some degrees…
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I can get mad at why God did not give me opportunities in this life for something of the outside world. I don’t know… Ill keep working with God…
I do have to become willing and to change my mind about the outside world… I have to trust and work with God…
I have goals; I have to go with what ever God tells me to go with…. To work through things.
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So; OCCUPATIONS; What I occupy my time with; is getting answered.
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SO; I must have help in the outside world…
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Im slowly making my way out of the 12 step groups; Some have become so volatile with being stalked and other problems; its not worth it anymore…
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Im just following God…
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On the way out; others arnt helping… Have I accomplished everything I need to in those meetings; ALMOST; Im working my way out of those meetings; so I have to trust God will make me present again to exit interview the place and learn to get my needs met at other places in the real world…
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I have to trust God…
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RELATIONSHIPS;
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This is the next level; Im talking about girlfriend...

[ Continued ]

by **OMNICELL** on Mon Jan 20, 2025 5:02 am

Blog;
2 areas of interest for this blog…
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A. Relationships
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B. Art work…
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FIRST LOVE; from my early teenage years; an unfortunate nightmare that destroyed me for some 40 years: What happened; would she have given me a relationship or not. Or; did she want one or not. Was I just being fooled; and it was all a lie… I have to know… This is the next level of knowledge I want and need. She was no friend of mine.. She was never a friend of mine.
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NOTE; To move on from First Love; I must know if anything was real or not. Was their a possibility of a relationship; did she give me the opportunity for a relationship or not; Ill continue to work 4th steps on resentment work around her… and go deeper and talk to God for help. A major area of this is not completed; More work must be done.
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At this level of pain and history; what this situation did to me; I want answers. I want answer because when I have complete answers I can move on… So; Im working with God to work through this…
Ill keep working with God on this; amen…
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I kind of want to take back all the effort I put out… and take it back and keep it to myself and then give through God to new people God is sending me. I can see this was a trail run; not the real thing. So I must get myself back; my identity… and I must find out if this was a trial run or the real thing.
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ART WORK; What will it take for me to create Art work; I really need to know a purpose. What is the Art for; where does it go. I need a connection for it in the outside world; Amen…
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Im getting the feeling I have to go deeper; meaning be brought to my knees in front of God on this one.. I don’t know what else to do. I have to be brought to the bare bones on this subject… right down to the ground where I believe Im creating simply because I like it. But Ill have to work with God on this… I still have allot of resentments concerning all of this and making Art… Amen.
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So; Im talking about Pre Artist build up to creating Art. Its like; I need more basic desire to create; like I have to be forged n the fire longer for things to happen… Brought before God on my knees every time until there are no more expectations… I know Im headed in the right direction. I don’t know much more then that…
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DRUMMING; Ill need maybe a few years to prove myself. To prove it to God; God will take care of me…
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NOTE; Stalkers at meetings are also a problems. I have called the police about it; I have to call again I guess or talk to a lawyer… Pray about it…

by **OMNICELL** on Sat Jan 18, 2025 6:08 am

Objective and Goals
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Life is based on what I believe; In addition; my goal is to finish an objective… That means finishing many small objectives… And thus leading to an over all finishing of a major intended objective…
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For example;
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My main goal with Guitar playing ultimately is; to be a front man at times in a band; playing some forms of lead and rhythm guitar…
That means I would need to be at the intermediate level for guitar playing. I would consider a starting position in a band Im a member; as intermediate level. I think at that level with the right mates; I could be a guitar player in a band… Assuming we are all at the same level…
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I can see myself imitating the onstage dress code and appearance of several rock stars… and the way they play and hold their guitars…
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My point is; concerning guitar;
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Very small goals that I can accomplish in general first.. and these goals add up at some point to being a better guitar player or more experiences guitar player and this leads to an intermediate position; earning it… Im at a novice level right now.
Im not always aware of when these smaller goals are accomplished; instead; I just practice and get involved and at some point after much struggle I find myself advanced from where I started; I can play several songs; the chords; when in the past would never touch them… to hard; way to advanced.
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ART:
Its the same struggle for Art as anything; setting to big objectives has been impossible; In fact; setting any objectives as been impossible for most of my life; that recently has been changing with much much work. As I move toward accomplishing a goal of aligning myself up to create art…
My first Goal is to; set things up correctly. When each smaller objective has been accomplished; I find myself at a point of beginning something more advanced and real. What does this mean; it means Ive taken care of the problems associated with starting a project in art. I used to be baffled by Art problems; especially setting up the computer and art software; maybe I felt I wasnt that smart… I struggle with things; working with Simple Art programs scared me intimidated me embarrassed me. Now;’ Im a little more open about showing to others Ive felt limited when working with Art software; the technical side seemed over my head and maturity level.
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Im one of those people that wanted and wants to live in a dream; I do want to express my feelings threw art; However; I want the work done for me; And in reality; that cant happen. I must learn to have a value for doing the work or the rest will never follow; Worth Ethic comes first.

Problems that used to baffle me…
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The problem was I could never finish a smaller objective;
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If I had 100 objectives in art I needed to finish; it was all to overwhelming for me; I just gave up dropped away…. I just had no faith; what was the point of finishing an objective… it wouldnt get me anything in life… I would bring in the horrors of the past; The full meaning of my past and life would be brought into and triggered by the work I wanted to accomplish in Art; thus; I would be so taken over; my focus; by the past; I would never get stared on accomplishing an objective in art…
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I was affected by the past;
I had a morbid outlook upon life considering all the personal losses I experienced…
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Things are different now…. Are they? Well; Im more willing to fight for what I want. Really fight for it; and its showing. Sanity or stabilization is showing up a bit.
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And I have fought for what I want; Ive got allot of psych problems associated with taking action; and this had burdened the process greatly; and so its tuff deal. However; I keep at my objective of imagining objectives that I want to finish…..
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So; The goal is learning how to Think; the goal is learning to finish these smaller objectives; and in many cases; they are not so small; they a...

[ Continued ]

by **OMNICELL** on Thu Jan 16, 2025 6:26 pm

NOTE

Right Or Wrong is a good things for the heart and for survival; … Principles in the universe are Based on Universal principles…
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But Life is based not on Right Or Wrong; Its based on Belief. Belief is based on Magic; And Magic comes from God Universe Jesus Holy spiritus and Santa claus…. And Gods Blue Angels… His Army; My Army… The Galaxy Justice league
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God; Universe; Sunny Jesus, Holy spiritus, Santa Claus…
They are all living stars; They all know each other and they are part of a collective group; They speak and talk and hear and sense and see and they transmit information at frequency; That means they are alive. They talk to me…
They are a group of stars that run the Universe… It is them that I pray to; for they are God, Jesus, Holy spiritus…. And Santa Claus…..
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Life is based on what I believe.
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I have to believe….
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And as a Brilliant young man told me today; I must have Faith in what I believe; or, why would I be believing it… Whats the point.
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And what this young man said to me; slammed it home. I simply do not have that; that ability to have faith in anything….. I am learning because the outside world is telling me…. And so I have allot of work to do.
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I love Pleasure more then I like work. And so I lost everything. I lost all standards… And I sunk into a hole at which I could not get out; not without being broken and ask for help.
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The fact that I stopped believing in anything including anything inside of me; I stopped. This was wrong.
I was wrong; I made a mistake.
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Life is not based on Right and Wrong… However; the smart man believes in Right and Wrong and staying in ones own lane. Life is based on what I believe will happen to me…
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If I believe in having a car; I will see it
If I believe in having a wife; I will see them; they will appear
If I believe in having alots n lots of money; This will happen for me; It will appear…
If I believe in a house; it will appear
If I believe in talents; they will materialize
if I believe in Hobbies; they will materialize…
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If I believe in performing as a musician and learning all the music first before the performance; it will materialize…
if I believe in having friends; they will materialize…
And so on…
I stopped believing. Now; Im asking God for help on how to believe again in what I want; and there are plenty of books and information.
I like to use The book; Think and grow Rich; Napoleon Hill. And laws of attraction coaches… Thats what Ive been pulled to.
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IF I want education; It can happen if I believe; I must believe first and then I will see it…
If I wan occupation; I must believe first and then I will see it.
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I must ask for faith concerning what I want; Sure; its embarrassing that I want something but have no faith for it; fair enough; I ask God for help; and I ask God for support.
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If I want more money; I work with God and do with work under God; under Higher power; For the higher power God is the power… that is where power comes from; And God comes from the Universe; that is where the power is… And tapping into that power and its brought back to me… For the deeper universe is where I get my power and my life is ran from.
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I have to believe first; and then I will see it.
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And in this area of Faith and Belief; This is where my work is.
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For; I block these ideas in my mind before I can get started; Thus; their was no outside source blocking me. I blocked me and I cut down my own possibilities; I cut down those plants in that energy garden; plants with such names as; Future wife; Future money; future car; future house; future family.
I cut everything down. I destroyed the whole garden so I didn’t have to look at it; but without knowing; I caused a grave mistake. For I had cut down my self; and my only hope.
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Thankfully I kept The universe Galaxy justice league with Sunny Jesus; G...

[ Continued ]

by **OMNICELL** on Tue Jan 14, 2025 12:06 pm

Goals;
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Drumming
Money
Car
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These are areas that either need improvement or need to start…
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DRUMMING; I don’t know; This is about getting under it; under God and below God and in front of God and praying for it; flat on my face; hands out in front of me; helpless before God…. And showing Im willing to work with God on anything… Its up to God; I have to try. Im not sure what it is about drumming. So; Ill get below it; and talk to God… to make it part of my life or not… The challenge is places to play… I have to talk to God about it….
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Car; same thing…
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Social
Performing music…
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cleaning things up….
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Its all about getting down on my knees to God and completing through these things with Gods help… Facing some things I cant face or have not been able to face.
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I put many things before God that I made into God… Gods. Now; I know better…. No more of this; I talk to God about these things and work through them so I have no doubts… Or until I have no doubts…
Things get worked out…
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All of these things before God; where Im pleading before God helpless… and asking for help and giving myself over to God and letting God decide…
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And I take the girl who lived up the street when I was young; Working with God to a final conclusion on what happened their. God knows what it is; I have done enough work; I did finally come to an end of working on it in general because I was able to move on just enough; I got the message; its not a good message regardless of the direction. But I have to humble myself to continue to walk on and walk away and move forward. In many cases; I feel like I got seduced by a Witch! And I think that is what happened here. Ill continue to talk to God about it; probably learning from this one experience to the end of my days; and thats no problem for it will be history; and history lessons I can learn from. When Im with my new wife; it will have been worked through… God will help me….
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A WIFE>
This scares me; because Ill have to completely work through the past. Ill have to work through FIRST LOVE when I was a teenager and many other things; so Im present and able to handle things. However; I must remember; under God; God will bring me the right people. God will choose.. Amen…
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I wont be choosing; God will. Thus; I must get under God and in front of God and reach my arms out toward Gods in helpless on my face and on my knees and cry out to God to save me and help me. Help me God… Reach out to God helpless and in trouble; and for help…
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So; I do have an edge or advantage; I can do this; Get on my knees before God and see these things all the way through… all the way to the other side.
Much like a boat that leaves a country; makes it all the way across the ocean; and waiting and waiting; and finally indicates that land is near… And getting off the boat; and stepping onto the land…
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And being on the land getting on my knees and worshiping God and praying to God for help… and Thanking God for I had made it through the storm of travel all the way to the other side.
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I have the ability to see these things through; And that is the big test here…..
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This is a test about putting out a subject and showing God I trust God enough and my self enough and Im smart enough to work it through with God to the other side. And so; that is my work now. Amen. And I have to trust God to see it through to the other side and accept the other side; when I come back out into reality… and wake up… wake up from the dream…

THE NEXT PUSH

Art Work; FIrst Love; and Drumming

Objective and Goals

Life is based on what I believe

These are areas that either need improvement or need to start…

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