Changes are occurring; Possibly for the first time since childhood; a glimps; Thats all I can call it; A glimps of being connected to something within society.
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Ive been working on goals; Mainly reconnecting myself to goals created within my imagination. My goals are my primary interest in my life;
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Wife Family Children
House
Car
Money
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These are the primary goals to reconnect at this point…
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And with time n help; and the vanishing of resentments; It looks like and I can feel; Im starting to connect to life and myself again; I believe again; and Goals are the catalyst Im using to believe in life again; They are on of them.
These goals; Goals that used to be a pipe dream; and impossibility; Seem possible now; not some fictitious fantasy
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When one asks me about my life; I would say Im getting connected to the idea of aWife, House, Car, money. And because I know how to think. Meaning; my thinking has been trained for some time; to; Think and grow rich; These goals are starting to stabilize in my imagination. Im working toward these beliefs; all day long in one form or another. I do not think about much else. And that is truly a miracle. Its a miricle that my mind; a place of sorrow and hopelessness and insanity as been changed into a solid work horse of practical thought ability. I place where I use my imagination to dream and not hate. My mind is a place of building not destroying. My mind holds Ideas of a real future instead of a Crypt for a suicide watch with no hope.
Goals have taken the place of hopelessness…
This means my desires are becoming real attainable goals. My mind is on my goals; what I want to manifest for the future; that is what Im working toward… I have nothing else in my mind. My Mind has been trained to think in terms of success… I see goals and I use success based thinking processes to make these desires real; with Gods help; to make these desires come true. I am working with God on them.
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The point is; Im getting stronger at it; this idea of goal setting. The idea that Im coming into ground level with my goals within reality; meaning; I believe they are possible; Because of this; a new soundness has taken over my mind heart soul n vessel. Im very close to feeling like Im part of society again; not on the outside of it.
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Im believing again. And actually; thats all I ever wanted; I wanted to be connected to society again with no past; start over; and that is what has happened. Or is happening or shaping into.
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Im not there yet!
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However; To be this sure footed concerning my goals is a remarkable thing.
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Ive paid a great price; long suffering to be in recovery.
Ive kept my mouth shut and stayed out of trouble at many social places; marginal wavering people can cause lots of problems. Ive had to “ Take it” “ Suck it up” “ be treated like a punk and not fight back for the betterment of my future”. Ive let lesser people push me around and Ive done nothing in retaliation” That I don’t end up in troubles-ways.. I did this for the knowledge I gained where I was learning; learning about basics again in life.
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Now for the first time; My goals are replacing some of these bad thoughts of the past; Im believing in things again. My connection to my goals are going from a fantasy Idea to; possible. I mean; Im seeing myself hooked into my goals; connected.
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In the past If someone asked me if I could get a house; I would say; Who cares; no one loves me anyway; whats the difference. Why Bother. Why bother with anything… No one loves me; theirs just no reason to be here…
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Now; if you ask me; Could I obtain a house; I would say. “ Universe; Bring it to me any way I can get it!!!!!!!!”.
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Im getting very close to simply being a go get’r of my dreams with no negative thoughts getting in the way….. No Past; No Noth’n. However; I have lots of PTSD problems and dissociation; but I also have my Success based thinking training and lots of 12 step groups I can attend…
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Does this mean Ill actually have a house, a home. I don’t know. Im an old man. To be strait; my time has been shortened on planet earth because of my age; However; its all been worth it; Even if I never make it out of Goals stage; the idea stage…
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TO get back a life; A life where my only thoughts are on 4 goals in my future. NoT bad! Really! To have my mind and soul and heart so focused in on my desires and non stop attention to it; Not Bad. To have my thoughts on hopeful things instead of hopeless things; Its all been worth it. Its like getting back part of my life; a part that was stolen from me. I have plenty of purpose to work toward these days. I have hope today…
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Do I know how any of this is going to turn out; Will I have A wife a house a car; 100000000000 dollars; be full of money. I don’t know.
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I know this; As I work on it; I continues to get sharper and sharper. And the universe supplies more n more info for me to believe and to keep working toward; working on my dreams and to believe they are possible; altho I don’t know exactly how this will happen. Or if it will happen. I don’t now… but its all been worth it.
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Its taken allot of work; many many years of hard work to get my mind in this kind of training.. And if it can reverse and replace the thoughts of horror that happened to me when young; Its all worth it. Its always worth bringing back decency to a place cowards ruined life for everyone. Its worth every penny! Where their was death; there is life…
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I am so very satisfied with this direction a decision made.
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I have much to work for and toward and to look forward to…
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Does it really matter if it really happens; any of this at this point; These goals; NO! Not really. I would have gained a journey full of Right Thinking that has straitened my life out and my belief in myself and my future… The journey has been just as important as the possible outcome. If I do obtains some of these goals in the real world; it will be the icing on the cake. And certain I demand it.. meaning; Ill continue to work towards it; what I want; everyday.
I wont stop… Ill keep at it for the remainder of my days; but at this point; Knowing Ive made it to this checkpoint in the journey; This landmark; this Anchor point along the journey. Whether I get my goals or not; My soul and my mind belong to me now; they are once again mine… My soul; my identity, my mind; They are once again mine; They are being taken care of by me and God; looked after…
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My relationship with God is supper strong; God is my Father; I am his son. God is the oxygen I breath; God oxygen is life its self.
I have so much hard work purpose in my life. It would take 200 years to accomplish everything I want; So; Im not bored or without purposeful living. No end to what I could be trained to accomplish… However; I only have one life.. And I got started learning the best I could at a way later starting date in life. As I said; I may end up with nothing more then the journey to these desires; but that in itself has been enough. The journey has brought my life round. If by possible these goals actually materialize into real things; that would be even better.. But not necessary. However; that is the goal tho. Their is an outcome to the goal journey; to manifest my desires from Thoughts to things..
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The outlook for my life right now is very good.. very bright and sunny; much better then it used to be; and thats all I could have ever asked for. Thank you God; Thank you God; Thank you God; Thank You God; Thank you God…
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