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OMNICELL
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Getting close to a new quantum leap into a new area of developme
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Im a recovery person
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Im Building a network support for dating...
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I have to start over in 2025.
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At this point Im a guy that is 40 years behind…
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So; God is back in my life

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Mon Mar 31, 2025 9:42 pm

So; God is back in my life; My original identity is being developed and brought back by GOd; It seems to be coming back or it is back. The small child in me is back and wanting to take over… This is the child locked in with God… That means the child feels safe under God and being myself again under God… That means being healed by God… But Im weak. Not strong enough for the outside world.
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My identity This is between me and God and no one else…
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SO; this person is surfacing; meaning myself. Im working with God to get all others out of the picture; those who are not suppose to be there… Im talking about Stalker criminal minded from those meetings; some people; specific people who have no business in my inner or personal life and are not invited to be so… And I have to learn to stand up for myself LEGALLY; and do something about it.
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I have to learn to be Legal..
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PIANO; Something incredible has happened; I only felt it for a short time. Because God brought back my Art History interests as a Purpose; After watching and studying numerous videos; 15 or something; maybe more; And after watching a month or 2 of videos on Art History and getting to a point of studying and starting my painting art again; And showing commitment to picking 6 important artists to study from the past; This is the beginning of being a traditional Artist again.
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Piano; several hours later;
Suddenly sitting at the piano; I felt it; the Art purpose God had brought me for the Arts was reflecking down on Piano; awakened in me several months ago; Suddenly I could feel the piano being joined into this club.

I was a dedicated committed Artist; Now the Piano Art was finding its way into this Art philosophy. This time; Identity Music Artist. The Identity is Artist; but I found myself playing the Piano and feeling the same way. Im dedicated to working with Piano as Art piece; Music creation; It really came out when I was fooling around with the piano. I was applying Art philosophy to the piano; the feeling of dedication and commitment.
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I found myself suddenly A dedicated Artist with complete purpose when fooling around with the piano… I was back; back as a Artist; I purposeful direction. It never occurred to me that when I came back or woke up with Purpose for Art history one day; the study; For the purpose of being an Artist; it never occurred to me it applied to music as well; It does; it simply crossed over into music; suddenly I had that serious attitude of commitment to music I never could find for years and years; it had been a long time ; it was a distant memory to see the Piano as Art. I could hardly remember what it felt like; it was of another person another time. And now its suddenly completely back because Im back… And I am!
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Art Purpose as independent thought is part of me; all of me; a whole of me; Or a hole within me the generates this sensitive massive interest.
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O was lost once… my life Dormant…
I have lots of other personalities for many things… And those have gone dormant. For I was fully destroyed and neglected completely… So; many if not most of my personal self was never developed; I was thrown away.
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However; God has chosen Art History as the main point to bring me back; the study of Art History; So very important to the trained or educated Artist concept… In fact its everything… Its inline with God.
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SO; At the piano I felt it; I was a dedicated Artist of Song and counterpoint.
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The economic fear of being an Artist.
I got it; I was like any other committed Artist of Hardship through the Ages.
First; let me say; I believe in being filthy Rich; Think And Grow Rich; Lets get that strait; Do I value money? As much or more then Life it
self; Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!
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Id rather live comfortably in a nice house with a pool then on the wrong side of town…
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So; What else can God bring me or give me back.
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Fantastic about music; what is happening; being able to switch it over to personal Art; as I like Art history and the Artists I find.. Fantastic to see from that Calling perspective.
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SELF.
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For a moment; I saw it and felt it; I saw my true self; the sensitive Artist… I saw it; and felt it and actually experienced it; ME! I felt it.. saw it; it was completed at this frequency. SO; Hopefully this means Im coming back to myself again.
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Someone who is quite and conservative with basic nice clothing and a place to live. I can see it; but I must come back first.. My identity; and that is happening. Im remembering and feeling again….. Im not just remembering who I am; Im feeing and seeing it and its me again; I regained it; God brought it back.
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So; Im getting glimpes of the decent self again; Havent seen that since high school or childhood… or junior high (not junior high)… Im seeing it again now. This is great; it would be most great if I could just become that person again in all strength; How nice… TO become myself again completely and live in the proper way to go with it.
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What about women; What about the perspectives toward them; Ill have to work with God on becoming myself.
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Its already changing…
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Something miraculous Just happened; happened last night as I was playing the piano.
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I instantly saw and felt it; I was now a true and dedicated Artist; This has been happening recently because of regained purpose in the study of Art History; This happening; this purpose; this came back from God.
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I can now apply it to the skills of the piano as well as Art.
This means the authentic me is back with calling for Art; With Purpose toward Art; but it switched to music as well; both interchangeable.
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Age 14; IF somehow God changed the past and things could have been done right;
What else did I see; this was another strengthening of my original self at age 14 and younger; it was my authentic self;
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In my imagination; In that day; at age 14; If I had been protected and done things right; I would have headed to the backyard of where I was staying and began to plot out and practice an Artists life. Tht was my identity; that direction for purpose and actions; directions and intentions. This would have been a starting identity… God would have started my life out this way…
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I would have been involved in community.. I would have been involved in community allot.
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Here I am now; in the present as an old man but always working on my identity and recovery….
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So in my imagination I decide to go back in time to age 14; and something new appears;
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In my imagination something has opened up; Something else wholly Giant happened…
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I was able to see myself at the end of that spiritual phrasing; I was able to see my origional Identity from when very very young. I was able to feel it; and see it completely; I was able to see myself as whole; with nothing else needed…
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What does this mean; I was able to go back in time and see me as myself. My true self; certainly as Artist; but more importantly as sensitive cultural intelligent decent person Artist Self; or just self. Hi cultural level Self. I was able to accept it; accept myself as this; at this level.
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NOTE: When poverty hit; I rejected myself and my dreams; I did not want anymore pain living in fantasy so I simply changed who I was to a much lower simple creature with n future or hope… I had no more identity; just pain and confusion.
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But; what does all of this mean? It means Identity. I saw my true identity and felt it; And it is worth Gold. Why?
It is worth Gold. Why?
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When I was young and so broken and destroyed and needy lonely fearful and alone at age 14; I had no one and no development. I was desperate for a friend and development and a family. Unfortunately I could protect it and take care of it and look after it and feed it and nurture it; I ended up at a girls house up the street; and gave myself away; thinking I had found a friend. The person I gave it to was a demonic monster; a psychopath sociopath; sadist. And my personality of worth and sensitivity was ripped and stripped away completely; destroyed.
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I will literally have it ripped off; gone; my identity. It will be set up for the guillotine. I put my self worth and identity in the hands of a criminal minded scumbag and their evil family; and did not know. Or I knew something was murky; Well; I just didn’t know; I didn’t know the value of what I had gotten into or the lack of value; the depraved nature. I didn’t know everything was poison and I was slowly getting sicker and sicker… by being around these kinds of criminal minded sociopaths… I just didn’t know…. I was being lied to and led on. No one cared about me at that address… I was not wanted… but never knew. I was of marginal value. And altho I have value; as I was very confused; no one saw it.
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I was being led on.
I was being led on
I was being led on
I was being led on…
I was being led on.
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I was completely led down a path to my slaughter; never understood… Had no idea what was going on; no clue; it all became strange and murky. Simply didn’t know what was going on.
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By the time Im done Im thrown out and destroyed….
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With this girl up the street;
My original intent appeared to be; Make a Friend.
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However; the real intent was development because I was not in a family system that cared about me…. This means; I was going to this girl up the street to get developed; to get my identity developed. This did not work.
What did I really need to do; I needed to stay home; and work with God. But I had no parents who loved me and no one who wanted me or wanted me in that home; no one. I was not wanted.
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So; I went to this persons house ( girl up the stree) for help and to be loved and taken care of and developed; Thats not what happened; I was in the house of lawless pure evil people… I was ripped to pieces… and destroyed.
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NOTE: Another great thing that is happening; For the first time; I can see myself in my house in that city as I write this; but not up at that girls house. I say and write these things from a protected space outside that girl and her house; as if this girl is just another random person I met. No importance even to remember the persons name; Nothing. And Im saying it from a feeling of protection from the home Im in at that time; my home Im in; Parents home. Not that my parents cared about me; but what Im seeing; Im in their basement; of their home. But I can feel; its my home and Im cozy in that basement when I mention this stuff about that girl. This means I own me and Im talking about history of getting destroyed when I ventured out but; Im back home; SO; no worries. Im safe n sound back home; Thats what Im feeling; thats why its so incredible. This is the first time Ive ever felt like that or could see myself protected like that. I own me now; no one else.
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So; by being around that girl;
So; for years torn apart ripped to pieces and missing any Identity and broken heart’d; destroyed.
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Here I am now;
What is different; with tremendous amount of work to overcome or to even believe possible; with Gods help; God has resurrected me back again from the past; back before I met that girl when I was 14.
She seems nothing more then a history book story with a vague useless pic; a pic of evil; like a witch… but of no power and no accord; Note needed; when I tire of the story; I just shut the book and Im back home and don’t need her or her story; they mean nothing to me… Im back home finally; in the basement of that house in that new city;
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NOTE; I write about the girl up the street and How IM ok with leaving her and that story and Im OK; I see myself safely at home and not at her house when I write this stuff right now. That means My memories of no interest in her; only in the story from the coziness of that basement I see myself in. However; something greater has happened. Now I see myself in the basement of my original house and original home town as a small child from the 19’60s; My favorite time of all life. My Life; I miss so much. I loved it so much; everything that was going on; From surf music to the Beatles to CCR… Everything. Anyway… Simon and Garfunkel and Star Trek Gilligan's Island; Charlie brown specials… Christmas Thanksgiving Halloween. Anyway; the original me is showing signs of showing up in my original house when young. What does this mean; It means the origin self is coming back into the present; Thats what it means.
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I loved vacations; We always vacationed at the same place every year for years since I was 4 years old. And I absolutely loved it so much… And I cant wait to make it a part of my life again. But first I have to get my self back; Well; Im not kidding; It looks like its coming back in full throttle. Cant be sure but it feels like it and my original self and memories are showing it. These memories are of my original life that was snuffed out.
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NOTE: What God is going to do with all of this; I do not know. Im not sure physically where Im going to end up… But God is turning me into myself again… The sensitive smart kid who loved so many things of innocence. And Ill be getting all of that back; Im not rejecting it. Im feeling the whole time period again. Everything as if Its not missing because I own it! And God has made it so. I get myself back; My life back. And Im the owner… With God… So; Ill need much more then this; so; Ill just let this build and start acting upon.
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The girl up the street in the new city;
Within my imagination; with Gods help I practiced Not going up to that persons house; that girl; I re imagined staying in my house in that city and going toward God instead; And by doing so; with time; I ended up within my imagination; never taken the invitation to meet the girl; Instead I go to the backyard and practice being myself… and my Arts and interests with God in command.
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NOTE; I was a very innocent person who was being stripped of his life; skinned alive… Tortured to death in so many ways by these perpetrators.
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The Story changes of my 14 year old experiences; it changes in my imagination under God. So; in my imagination;
Finally I see myself fully able to go to the backyard of my parents house in the city and practice as a new pathway; meaning the old story of going to that girls house; it has no more interest to me. It is gone for good; as she is gone… No Thanks Satan; Ill pass… I learned my lesson. Ill home; Ill stay with God…
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So; here I am in my imagination in the backyard.
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OK; So back to the present of; Right Now!
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The Piano room; I have permission to see the Piano creation process as Art work…
I was in my Piano room;
I was playing the Piano and went into Artist mode; Suddenly was able to look at the piano as Art… just like Canvas Art; and I was allowed to apply the same philosophy toward Art; I can now use as philosophy toward music creation; I can become full Artist approach with music. Studying and refining my Artistic interest in music from an Artist perspective… With commitment and sacrifice. I seemed to be able to do this easily… Very easy natural transition.
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So; What else has happened. Suddenly I can feel my true self; true Artist self. But something else….
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I can see my true self; but I also can see my true full self at the end of the assessment of self; meaning my real full identity and I can feel it; feel who I am. Who I really am; And with it; suddenly realizing; if this be the case. Ive come full circle. God has brought me back. Its like Im 8 years old or 7 or 6 years old… 9 years old. Its like Im back… Everything I felt and remembered. The original me is back. However; there are problems; I have allot of intrusive thoughts coming in. Ill ask God for help to get them out so I can strengthen becoming myself; developing into becoming myself.

In my imagination;
I never have to go up to that girls house to get developed. I do not need to go to her house for my development; Nor do I have to go to my Fake Grand parents house for my development; Dont need that forced experiment either. Not anymore. And if this be the case; I don’t need these memories anymore; Its because I have my own new memories being built right now with a new life and a new story. I have a new life and new story recreated from the Ground up through God… Regenerated. Its not perfect. It would be really good if I had more money and a car and house and could feel allot safer right now.
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This is beyond empowering.
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This means an almost completing of the past concerning this girl from the past; and fake friends from the past and fake relatives and Grand parents; worthless scumbags; criminal minded sycophants. The ability to let go of them; thats what this means.


In the end I win under God.
I end up regaining my full personality and identity back through God; That means this girl from the past; who lives up the street; she loses.. It means the sycophant fake Grand Parents I was forced to live with; they lose I win… I am resurrected; but because that situation was so horrendous and terrifying; and destructive; it will take many many more years to ever get over and feel like I can be myself around other people… Fake friends who had no business in my life; same thing… Even school systems trying to trough me away… I can go beyond that…
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By getting my true value and self back; my identity; I end up seeing myself for who I am. and saying to myself; “ I would never even be seen around some scumbag like the people I visited when young; Why would I even think about such things; I wouldnt in a 10000 years be seen with people like that. I have nothing to do with people like that; or in common with those monsters; Those people scare decent people… Decent people never go near them or even think of going near them. My frequency as a human being is on the opposite side of the Universe from those type of people. I have nothing in common with those people; If I be myself I wouldnt even put out a frequency of such levels; it would never cross my mind to go near people like this.
However; I was in such a state of desperation…
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The miracle; all this; I get myself back; Im no longer believing I missed out on something by doing so…
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Being myself; my real protected self; Myself; I would have never wanted to or needed to venture out to someones house where I would be played or teased or led on or gambled with or taken advantage from…
I never saw it coming.
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Now; knowing who I am again with hope; and getting that part of myself back through Gods permission. I would ask the question; Why would I even bother ever associating with the wrong people again. I don’t even have to.
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NOTE: I have to work with God…
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So; God has brought me back. And that means a clear picture of myself; and that means safety.
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What I am getting back is the real me when I was protected and loved.
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And that is a high frequency.
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The fact any of my life is coming back is incredible and a bloody miracle; concerning my identity… It was destroyed when I was 14 years old and many other times; However; in this case; brutally. I was at the mercy of who ever I wanted to help me. And I ended up at the house of criminals; and was destroyed….
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Today; My original self appears and thus no need to take that part of self( myself) to criminals… I don’t have to. Its been developed back; Ive gotten it back.
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When I was young; I had no love and desperate; so I was looking outside where I lived for anything or anyone to love me or help me.
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My point is; its no loss then; that this person who conned me or fooled me is not needed and never was… and will be. I was taken advantage of by murder’rs cons n thieves.
And its re enforced as Ive gotten back what they ripped apart and Ive gotten back what I wanted help with. And it didn’t come from them.
I don’t need their help… Ive gotten myself back.
Its very empowering…..
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Its a feeling of being myself again completely but still beat up from the street up; Im still in the real world and can still make big mistakes Like the one I made at 14; and I don’t want to do that… As Jesus has told me; “ Omincell; Stop hanging around those people and this wont happen anymore”. When I stop associating with those kinds of people this wont happen anymore…
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However; I see myself as back and I continue to come back even tho the original life and family I had and house and friends and neighborhood is not their; but with God it is… and Im back I think. I am getting very closer. If I was in my original house when I was a kid; I would feel very much the same As I feel right now; Im not sure thiers that much difference right now; and that is a good thing… That means Im becoming myself again; authentically.
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So; from here; as I write; Im getting thoughts about my future and what I want. I would like to come back up to speed to be a regular middle class level guy; But how? Thats what I will work with God on.
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God in a real sense has brought me 100% back to that boy I was; when I was a kid; Im back… back to being myself again as If I lived on that street and house and neighborhood.
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The boy that used to roam around the house as a kid; he is back; He is back! Its is me! Im back…
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Now what….
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Now I pray allot and ask God for directions. How do I get back up to a normal way of life; healthy middle class life. Well; How about 5 million dollars; That might help; Ha H a Haa
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Other problems;
I still have to deal with Stalkers at meetings… God still needs to give me a way of getting the right people on my side to take them to court…. Or what ever God wants me to do; They are lawless and will stalk me outside the meetings….
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Where Do I go from here.
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NOTE: I could use a car; money and a girlfriend to go with it… God; are you listening…
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Ive gotten three main elements back in my life.
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1. Purpose; Art History
2. Artist Purpose and philosophy applied in the direction of Music creation… Meaning; Music Artist.
3. Identity; Original child self identity. Im myself again as I was when I was a little kid; God has personally brought it back to me; God has allowed me to witness and feel this identity again and see it and feel it as part of myself again. Ive been able to stand outside my past and now witness my original self come back to me when I was younger in trauma… Ive seen God bring that part of myself back.
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What Now; where do I fit in and with who; that I may be safe.
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Ive got to work with God on this… .
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IF I want a life back; what does that mean; Does that mean money for house and good place to live; What does it mean….
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Ill talk to God about it… Work with God on it….
What comes next.
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I don’t have any of the fake friends who were never my friends; non of those people are around anymore… Nothing is around anymore.
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NOTE: I Saw this picture of the Beatles… In this pic; John lennon was in Art school; 17, 18 Something; he didn’t even have the main band together yet; Steu Sutcliff was still his base player; a friend from Art School…
Its hard; I look at Lennon and the back drop; the military green storage units behind him and the box he and the others were sitting on. And I just want to go home. I want to go back to my time period. It all felt so cool and right to me; it was just a cool time for a kid… anyway… Im so grateful I don’t have to just talk about what it would have been like; I lived it; and I lived it as a kid; something that others could only imagine. It was an absolutely incredible time to be live and to be a kid in a neighborhood In America in the 1960’s.
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The fake people are not around anymore; but I am; Im starting to be; The original me is back. I just don’t have any original house to go with it yet…
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I even have the original way of looking at things. If this keeps up; Im going to be back; be myself again fully kind of. I mean; hopefully I will be. We will see if the Fringe ends of things come back to reality…
it appears that the child in me is coming back full and intact. And it feels like a teenager agedis running him and his life; and that would be me. Accept Im an old man now; but thats Oke. I don’t mind… All is really incredibly super good. The relief Im getting right now is astounding… However; its not all perfect; but theirs less fear and heart break…
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However; this sensitivity has to be protected in good neighborhoods.
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I have to be protected in good neighborhoods. In safe decent places…
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I have to be protected by 4 walls.
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Ill have to ask God and work with God on how to do this; Dear God where do I go from here; Amen.
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In real sense; 20 million bucks would answer allot of questions; Id have a house and car and live in a nice neighborhood and so on… have nice friends.
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Thats how I see it; Money. So; Ill talk to God about it.
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Id like to have a Wife. I think Im getting closer to this possibility but I have to be at a higher frequency.
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PROLOGUE;
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So; ill write this at the end…
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Today I have no resentments… Nothing. Everything is in the past; Im in the present alone; all my past stuff is basically in the past; well; it is in the past and more n more of me is showing up from different time periods; showing up to join me in the present…
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Im no longer fooled by the lies…
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So; more n more of me is joining me…
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What does this mean?
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The only thing I have left to focus on is the present. Even the adolescence stuff has been worked out.
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I am already playing guitar every day consistently for a long while now; and I work with others and the idea of purpose has rejoined me; came from God; For Art and Music creation.
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What is left.
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Well
Girlfriend
Girlfriend turned to Wife- Family; If this is Gods direction for me.
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House
Car
Money
Money; for house and Car and girlfriend then wife!
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I was walking around neighborhoods of my home town. I secretly asked God; “ God, are you going to get me a house?”.
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Whats interesting about that; This is the first time Ive ever asked God for a house. I meant it because; Im free; free of the past.
The only focus I have is on a car and a house and wife.
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It would be nice; we will see; if God drops 20 million dollars in my lap; I could really use it! OK God! Smile…
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And I mean; their it is…
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Ive been in the recovery process for a long long time working on all of this stuff.
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The only thing I have left is
A House
A Car
A Wife
Money…
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Thats what I will be working on with God… Things in the “ Right Now”. Allot of others stuff as filled in… I mean. Its crazy but its true…
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I still have mental illness disability stuff; but I just don’t got anything else… Im here now in my home town and Im asking God for help please… A car; A wife; Money!
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Amen….

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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