September 2025
August 2025
New Blog…
.
Adolescence years…
And this area is what I have to work on… Ages 8-14-15-16
8-13 in age…
Ive worked up to this age in many cases…
.
Activities and relationships…
.
In the present; Activity growth continues to impress me. Any growth in this area is an unlocking of a doorway. In many cases; This is a doorway locked up when very young; and I will never ever be able to move beyond it when young; However; with enough recovery; these doors are opening and Im consistently but slowly showing improvement.. Im looking for solid consistency; And; Im getting it… its minute(small) changes and more solid consistent changes.
.
For example; In guitar work; Im still playing!!!!( That is a big deal). I have made some progress from very beginner to more of a student beginner… Im learning more chords and fooling around with more songs; Ive advanced. And advancement in this area is all I wanted; I wanted this consistent advancement identification; small; but consistent; slowly meandering forward… showing growth. I dropped away from guitar this last week but picked it up a few days ago; maybe yesterday… However; Im back playing songs again and practicing chords. So; Im not dropping out for 10 years this time or 30 years...
.
So; walls in the adolescence period concerning learning something new and breaking through; these walls have been broken through; Im showing up on the other side; Getting better at something consistently. Im slowly showing some accuracy of change and advancement. Not dropping out… Im just not… I take breaks but Im getting better and not dropping out; miracle ; amazing. Very lucky; I have worked at it; with God; its all God...
.
Relationships; A whole other animal…
.
The adolescent period saw the destruction and end of my schooling; the end of further growth with any new relationship developments; Saw the end of any interactions in activities. All things stopped. All family gone! However; All relationship concepts; building relationships; anything dealing with relationships stopped and I was scared out of it; frightened out of it. Fear and terrified out of it… completely from then on.
I had no family; everything had broken up; broken apart… no one was ever coming back… No more relatives; That whole group went with my father; and he had left; later I found out no one wanted him; his relatives; Non of them trusted him or wanted him around; Thus; that means; They never wanted me around. SO; in my young life when I was brought around them; They were pleasant to me; a small child; Little did I know I was not liked or wanted and not wanted around them ever again. I didnt know. When my father abandons this family system; I will learn very well what the reality of his relatives mean; The reality that no one wanted us in the beginning. So; this whole part of my innocent childhood is beach-wrecked. No more cousins or aunts or uncles or Grand parents on that side of the family; its as if all were erased.. Like I never knew them or had them in the first place. All gone...
.
Sexual abuse; bulling in schools; all school concepts shut down; locked doors inside me. Being moved away to various places because Im thrown away; no one on my side; no one cares; nothing. No one..
Ill shut down numerous times from within; no one cares; no one cares what happens to me; nothing…
.
All previous friends are gone. Meaning; their were not really close friends; not the ones I thought I had.. they were lying; they were never my friends; I was being used. As soon as I have problems they are gone or 2 facing me. Suddenly they are not with me in spirit or mind; suddenly they are looking down on me acting like they hate me and are better then me… Shocking; I had no idea.
Unfortunately I will try at times to make new friends; it wont work; Ill end up around the most rotten of people; but smooth talkers; and I will be used and destroyed; led on smoothly and then sunk. I am completely innocent… I have no idea what Is going on; I have no defenses up. But those who will try to destroy and ruin me; they know exactly what they are doing. I did not know the kind of horrible monsters I ran into. I have no idea; Ill be complete dismembered emotionally spiritually; raped on the inside. Set up and destroyed as a human being. Unfortunately; Ill put all my eggs into one basket on some of these situations; only to be ruined and destroyed.. Ill be a human crippled by this time… No more functioning; Nothing; No one cares; there is no one; nothing.
.
Gone; everything Gone; as if I had never been born and had no identity; nothing!
.
IN THE PRESENT: So; the work Im doing; the work Ive done; Now; as to letting go of resentments; and Ive done fairly well. However; one last person still devours my time and attention and focus from the past; but most of me if not all of me is so tired of it… I want to let it go. Part of me is more scared of having nothing to replace it. Another part of me sees a kind of social status by knowing this person and Id be letting go of that. Even tho its not honest.. I had no real friendship with this person or relationship. I had nothing; I just wanted to think I did so I could live off it because I had nothing else going for me… I had no self esteem and this built me up a bit; made me feel more connected; unfortunately it was all faked by the other person; I really never got anywhere.
Im slowly letting go of this persons memories and the triggering of her image in my head…
Many people of my past played roles for me when I had no future or family; This girl was one of them. Unfortunately; she was a fraud fake; she was no friend of mine; Ill end up walking away destroyed.
.
So now; I have the opportunity to continue this work and getting rid of her out of my mind and nervous system and body and memory.
.
These people have to go from my deeper memory and be replaced with something good for me that is new; and that can happen and has been happening slowly. Im replacing it; My real self is replacing it. And so the more I work on self; the better things get… God is bringing about a new life and that is replacing it..
This is still scary and brutal to let go of. But I must; I will; I want to… Im going to… Ive been working on it…
Trauma bond; thats what happened… and Im working through that… Horrible…
.
.
IN THE PRESENT:
The Adolescent period;
.
So; Here I am in the adolescent period; looking at it; right on the edge of it to work on it… Im right there…
Its a time period of horror; like being in a prison camp; I mainly completely shut down and many other bad things; because I cant escape and I have no family; nothing; Im completely alone and thrown away…
Here I am now to deal with it. I still have meetings; and I have sponsors I work with from meetings. Im not interested in therapy because Ive been there… still could but….
.
This will be a rocky time of it…
My self esteem and maturity never got developed. I did not get developed; I was completely forsaken. I basically was heading into the world of criminals… I was becoming that criminal mind set; I had been completely thrown away… I had nothing; no one; no one cared about me; and I was already mentally destroyed and ill from being given away and abandon and destroyed.
.
There is feelings of tragedy to rebuild the adolescence time period as God and I rebuild it; tragedy because I wont be building it from any original base; No original family or friends or school friend or neighborhood; Nothing; and Ill be remembering sexual abuse and assaultive experience; where no one can be trusted that I live with; nothing. Im a throw away…
.
So; massive triggering Ill go through in many many forms as I work with God to actually rebuild this unfortunate horrible death like time period…
.
The good news; Im right at its door with plenty of support; So; I think Ill work through it once and then do it again and again re strengthening it; working with God to keep pulling out the bad and the old and replacing it with the good… Just keep working at it over n over n over… amen…
.
So; Ill start praying about it… and see what plans start to begin to take shape from my higher power; what info comes from the universe… amen
.
So; Im at the starting gate….. Time to pray.
Our partner
Who is online
Registered users: Bing [Bot], Google [Bot], Google Adsense [Bot], Google Feedfetcher, Majestic-12 [Bot], Ralphleave
- Home ‹ Board index ‹ Blogs ‹ OMNICELL's Blog ‹ The rebuilding of the Adolescence period
- Contact • Advertise on Psychforums • The team • Delete all board cookies • All times are UTC
News
Site map
SitemapIndex
RSS FeedCheck Mental Health Matters
Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007, 2014 phpBB Group
Time : 4.034s | 22 Queries | GZIP : Off | Load : 3.83
Time : 4.034s | 22 Queries | GZIP : Off | Load : 3.83