September 2025
August 2025
The goal is Social…
My social ability has to come back; I have to be confident and present and accept my lot so I can start out…
If I am to be in relationships.
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Relationships come at the point of rich insertion into society; where Im in the deep web of society inner fabrical; a fabric I climb on and through like a Jungle gym….
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How do I get back there; that is a good question…?
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I have to get back there… So; I get new experiences… and bi pass the old PTSD issues somehow; that flood my brain.
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I have to create a new idea of what I want to do and be and build that; slowly allowing that to over power the past. And I think that is happening; altho not over powered the social ends of some things;
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Im scared and vulnerable and this is a defeat zone I have no confidence in. So; I must work with God in some kind of preparation period; or development first. I must become on the other side of where I am hurt.
Ill keep working on it…
changing my thinking about it.
Im look for those who appreciate me. I guess… Im looking for those that are looking for me under God.
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I had an experience the other day; a women; younger then me; but older; pretty; She appreciated the music I was making on the piano… She appreciated me.
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SO; it can happen; people who appreciate me… I guess.
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Im scared because I don’t have a house to go with it. That scares me more then anything; not being enough.
I think the answer is to keep communicating this; it; keep communicating about it; put it out on the table until it has no more power… thats where this starts; and this does truly hurt; hurt to bring this up.
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I have allot of lies about my past; meaning; I didn’t do all the things or have all the power I claim to have; actually I havent done anything. I don’t know why I have to lie about it in front of others.. That doesn’t make any sense. I have to learn to tell the truth and not be scared of it. But I am. Its absolutely horrible…
So; sexual abuse and the demoralization of such things I involved in this. So; I have to learn how. I will work with God on this; Amen.
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