September 2025
August 2025
Heres is an advanced subject concerning relationships. This is a Tuffer subject... This is a subject that causes most pain.
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Because Im a loyal person; I met people and gave them my loyalty. I was innocent nice and naive; they did not give me their loyalty. They gave me their lies...
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I thought I had their loyalty and respect because I am such a fierce nice loyal person. Never in this life did I think I would be caught in this mess where I gave my loyalty to worthless shallow spoiled elitist trash... Who were the absolute last individuals on earth to ever associate with if one is a human being. I had no idea.
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I gave myself away; and I got destroyed doing so. I was suppose to be safe. I thought I was worth more. In reality; I was never protected and dont know where I would have hidden. I just wanted friends and to be a normal person. but I never got the chance.
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I got around all the wrong people. I didnt know I was being groomed or set up to be used; and it makes me mad because I was set up...
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So; how do I get over this; thats what Im working on.
One problem is memories; I have memories of being near people or allowing people to get near me and they were never my friends nore cared about me.
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I have a hard time seeing myself as they saw me; as nothing but a nobody to play with and discard. ANd Ive got to pray to be able to see myself that way; to see and to feel what they were feeling toward me so I can see and feel the truth of a thing.
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BEST FRIEND growing up.
I Was able to work through this situation rather successfully. I had proof from when young; I knew what this person turned out to be. I saw it with my own eyes. So; this was not a friend of mine; this was someone that was allowing me to show up at their house; They thought I was inferior; a latchkey kid. I certainly didnt see myself that way... I was doing them a favor because I was reaching outward into the community for my life. THey had no business judging me in the first place; But in the long run; I had no business being around people that wanted my demise.
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I was never working with God on finding the right people. I ended up around people that had smiles on their faces but never respected me in the first place... thought they were better then me the whole time... and really thought I was some inferior bum... Unbelievable. I thought they were my friends; I was so incredibly wrong. I mean; 100% Nothing made any sense; However; later; I found out what they were really like. And it wasn't hard for me to change my mind completely about those people and move out or move on or move forward and never talk to those scumbags ever again...
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FIRST LOVE:
Not so easy. Its showing up hard; She did a good game of grooming me and covertly; completely; I mean; I had no idea I was being used by some user; I never bothered to check that kind of motive.
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So; Im working on turning her into the same thing I turned my BEST FRIEND INTO? Proof they were nobody in my life! And its happening; slowly. I have allot of bad memories associated with this idea that I had already gone through these things several times before; and after meeting her; it was happening again.
THe biggest problem with first love; its like; its happening again. And I have to accept it and learn to see that person as nobody; I got groomed; hook line and sinker. I mean; I had no idea I wasn't meeting a close friend or best friend that would be my wife; It was all a lie set up by a someone committing a fraud.
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Many people were frauds with me when younger;
I gave out a fierce loyalty...
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I had no business giving out any loyalty to anyone... And that's the lesson I have to learn; I never did meet any friends; anyone worth any of my loyalty; I got conned by several people; and I had absolutely no idea I was being manipulated or groomed or conned or anything else. Thats the part that bothers me. And thats what I have to take to the universe. I want proof. Meaning; I want to remember something; anything that I can see they were conning me up close. In some cases It has been revealed to me. I want to be able to see it clearly so I can move on.
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BEST FRIEND
As for my best friend growing up; I got outda thier; the recovery process worked; I was able to see clearly what this person really was; and I move on very quickly...
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As for my first love; much slower; its the same exact story as my best friend; I was conned. I had no one there that liked me or cared about me; they thought they were better then me but I never saw it. I mean; I saw something; but I never saw it.... I was played; this was not a loyal person or a friend of mine or a nice person. And that is the information I need to prove to myself; to my inner child that Im missing nothing here; there was no friend here. And that is the work here...
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THe Universe has moved me on to yet; another level; A new set of ideas.
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My primary goal with the universe is to move me on from my first love. To stop it in its tracks; to prove no one really loved me or cared about me or was a friend of mine or even thought about being a friend of mine.
The goal working with the universe to have overwhelming evidence that this person was a fake; they were playing me from the start; had absolutely no interest in me whatsoever; Nothing! That their motives were sinister.
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ALtho I was innocent and looking for my future friend and wife. This would not be it. unfortunately the reality of these events not only disgusted me. I was thrown mentally over the edge into a massive depression and break down. I never expected some scumbag to come along to do this to someone.. Certainly not me. But they did!
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THE UNIVERSE:
As the universe opens up little windows to me; I begin to get slight difference of information; and this information is leading me to believe I can continue to get over this person; work through the faultiness of this situation; the cruelty of this situation and actually move on.
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Im feeling it a bit; Im seeing it; the universe is moving me on to re fallin love with someone else new... in my present for my future! Its the same internal me but cleared out or healed and moved on to someone else.. That is where this is going; if I can hang on long enough and believe.
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Im getting the impulse from the universe that the Universe tried to save me and get me out of there; get me away from that girl when I was young... To pull me to safety because I was working with GOd from before for a future... And God would not allow some domen to destroy me completely. ALtho I got destroyed completely.
I would say God tried to send red flags over n over n over; I just didnt care! The real murderous nature of this individual was murky and hidden. I was being groomed.
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The point is; slowly the universe is helping me slowly regain the memories of my original self; THe innocent me. And that is happening and I can see the universe kind of happy that Im choosing to work through this and give the universe another chance.
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Things had to be different next time; i have to be able to see the predators con artists groomers; I have to become aware of them.
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GOd never intended for me to meet anyone that was trying to kill me in one form or another. So; I have to learn to trust God again. ITs not easy. I blame God for not saving me when young...
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I can see the beginning of a part of me looking for another wife.... a best friend. Having a life together.
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When I was young; after this incident with these disgusting people; I could never be in any relationships ever again.
Sure; I tried to hook up with some strange women here n there; but it amounted to nothing and these people were strange; they were not right for me and Felt nothing. I felt nothing anyway... I had no trust or belief anymore; not after what Ive been through...
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So; to work with God and be able to get over the FIRST LOVE I had; to see it correctly for its corruption would be a miracle; a miracle Im praying for. Thus; I can move on with the universe guiding me; and find and or attract the right type of people from my tribe; and find a wife; one the universe set out for me to have and be with. Someone that is a helper that really is compelled to help me develop and grow or what-ever it is I need. Someone that truly wants to help... get involved. Someone matched up by the universe... Not like the nightmare from before...
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I never expected to get involved in a nightmare. However; signs before it happening; signs. I just didnt really know about them...
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So; I can see the universe getting me back on track the way I was suppose to be when young; and the universe will re introduce me to a life worth living with decent people more of my character.. Wouldnt that be nice.
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The point of this blog is to suggest I moved forward down the energy river with new information about my future.
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