September 2025
August 2025
It seems Ive crossed into the next level; its been happening; all these changes; sometimes twice a day..
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Im hooked up around new people. THey are getting closer... Im starting to rise back into society again without anyone from the past ( take this with cautiously; for me this is huge; for someone else;
they would only see a grain of sand change). I can feel it; It started today; a real solidness of a very small basic; but it exists...
Its like finding water on Mars; it exists; and thus; will continue to grow slowly. The more discovered.
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I had no family; What I had in its place was horrible monsters and abuse. So; no learning and total survival mode... for years and years and years and years of defense... Until I was completely shut out of myself and life and civiliZation...
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Now; Im coming back. The way Ive been sharing at meetings and the people im talking to; Im coming back again.
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I have a specific area of dissociation; its real bad; but its smaller but deeper then it used to be. it used to be spread out all over my realty; a full spectrum of it. Now its much smaller area but very deep and wounded... As I work and work and work on my condition; even this break in reality continues to slowly have new information brought to it; Consider information to this dissociative wounding; like blood being brought into a broken shoulder for healing or a broken leg; hematoma...
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Im beginning to see the results of years and years of work. Im starting back into the rise of society again...
NOTE: THe change feels like Im back in my house again as a kid; Like Im really their. Like it was never taken from me. Like Im back in my childhood again as me...
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THis type of rise only comes from those in a family system who get loved and taken care of; who can express themselves safely... have goals; in touch with goals and God and self. And it looks like its sticking.. Slowly coming back... And its from all the work from the present in the recovery process and God.
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Im slowly coming back in the face of all I lost; this means; Im reasured Ill be getting all new stuff; people places and things; I believe...
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ITs so nice to know Ill have a life; but this life will have all its needs met WITHOUT the phony sinister evil fake people of the past who where never my friends and where nothing was ever real or safe; but i didnt know it wasnt safe until it was 2 late..
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Its a beginning; I can feel it;
It reminds me of someone in the gym whos been working for months n months to lose weight and get in shape. After numerous months of working out; They randomly look in the merroir and realize they are getting stronger. And they weigh themselves and realize they have lost 30 pounds.. THey did the work and suddenly several months later; things start to change; and thats whats happening for me. After decades of work....
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Things are starting to change; Im moving up the ladder or frequency of life... Ive done the work but now its starting to really add up like never before....... Its like walking through walls to another dimension.
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The areas I was dissociated out of are slowly showing signs that life is growing within those realms; its starting to show up. And Im starting to show up within them...
WHere thier were gaps; its now filled with new memories and experiences and people. it reminds me of when I was really young; but this time; Im not around the same people. This means; My manifestation for a new life is happening.
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FIRST LOVE; 100% has been tried by the judicial system within me from God; SHe had been found a murder'r and has been kicked out by GOd from my soul; my nervous system and first my heart; and now my head...
Technically now: God has done a thorough investigation on her from within me... and she is now been released from my head...
Its been like Ive been possessed by something; by hell; by the devil; locked in submerged; all this time; ITs like Ive been possessed by a demon all this time. God has rescued me... Thank you GOd!
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Strangely as my life comes back to me slowly; in a disabled state Im watching this all happen as if Im a small child looking out the window of my house; and I see it all happening outside.. Im in-side where Im safe.
In fact; the positive side of my childhood has taken me over as if Im living it again; Im not just back somewhere; its as if it never left.. and I have very little if any other history... in fact; I have no other history.....
In my soul its pure inner being. pure me again! Im aligned with myself again.
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So; I feel really beat up from the street up... Im exhausted... Ive watched this battle waged by GOd for my soul and my life and God has knocked satan out... dragged him outside and tossed him back into hell!
I seem to be coming back slowly....
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As for the girl. I dont know what to say; pure evil demonic presence. Never get involved with evil; ever!
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God has rescued me...
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IM NOT COMPLETELY BACK IN MY CHILDHOOD; I am the child; sort of. Im a new creature a combination of ME when a child and ME now working with GOd as God is saving me. Its like; the monsters of my childhood; That part of me is not brought back. Meaning; Im 2 parts; one part childhood and one part recovery person working with the universe... Still me! aligned and authentic I guess. This is all new to me kind of; all coming on so fast. The reality of it; going this fare...
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Im showing signs of standing up for myself; Im talking to others about how I really feel and Im talking to others most about how to regain my future again.. All good signs.
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NOTE: God has brought all these people and places aligned for all of this to happen...
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I seem to be attracting women again; and Im wanting to sit by many people at tables in groups so Im not on the outside of things...
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Im recovering; and its all GOd all Universe...and its all good. and it keeps coming; everyday... like an energy river that flows and flows... As I give out more n more each day to others of what God and how GOd has helped me...
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My view of my first love is dwindling into a black cauldron of horror and disgust; ITs almost scary... all of it. More n more my opinion of that person is no longer personal and no longer valid; Just as a criminal put into prison for destroying many peoples lives is no longer of interest to anyone; no one even wants to remember them they are so evil or disgusting once found out what they have done... Its like that. I get my innocence back or my life back with all the sunshine I remember; and the evil is sucked out into the outest atmosphere never to be seen again.. She reminds me of the devil; a evil subject on a criminal channel on youtube. Where its a 1 hour documentary on some murder'r... a murder'r who is found out; doesnt get away with it; and is thrown into prison for the remainder of their lives never to be heard of again... For God saw all and was accountable as a witness to it; ANd GOd has rescued me.
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Thats kind of what this is like... Its like Im puking up the pain and the poison associated with her and her sicko family... and God has hold of me slowly walking me toward heaven and away from hell...
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As I mentioned; Now; the universe is teaching me how to get started again in life... kind of. Im still really disabled mentally from all the trauma... and I dont function mentally doing anything; not yet; but Im willing to practice and there it is... we will see what happens; If I can practice at something. Sunny days ahead!@
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NOTE: Ive worked through hundreds or thousands of issues and hundreds of people and maybe 10 of the most important people of my past! This FIRST LOVE was the last of them... Ive been at this for a very long time. And She is gone.. And Ive been kind of just hanging around myself feeling the strange feeling of not having that noose around my neck everyday. And many other changes are occuring.
Much of all of this is about coming through dissociative disorder... Thats what this is really about I think...
THe First Love I had; this is associated with my childhood; because I was trying to escape when a teen; and that teen had only his childhood; and I put everything into that other person; all that I had; and it turned out this was a set up and I was murdered. So; it wasnt just the teen in me getting murdered; it was all of me from my very beginnings... all of me was murdered. So; all of me was put to sleep..
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NOTE: My first love; was only a small segment of those who murdered me; all my life from early life it had been done to me over n over n over... She was one of the last ones to destroy me; but she wasnt; still more things after her that happened. But she certainly was the last major personality of evil to deal with or process. ANd only with Gods help.
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MUSIC;
My next goal has to do with music; I dont know if im ready for the outside world or to contact the outside world at this level; I dont know... not yet; Ill have to work with this disabling condition and see if I can touch the outside world a bit; see what happens; ill have to go very slow...
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