September 2025
August 2025
Phase 10 will end and go into Phase 11; Phase 10 ends at #30. Perfect Timing created by the universe.
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My New Life has officially started..... I am now officially in and on new ground. I now have the right to pursue what makes me happy; with GOds help!
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From Phase 11; Will be the beginning of a new wife search; and new purpose search on earth for my new life. For it will officially start at Phase 11...
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First Love; She was right( directly) in front of me. And she never saw me! I saw her!!!!
God did not sanctify the situation between her and I. As soon as I started turning to God at the time; suddenly it was over between us... We went are separate ways; What ever that means. I saw all this potential between us; She seemed to see nothing while she was with me. So; I just gave up on her; I was completely confused and defeated. No big deal; Not everyone can like me! I mean; Sometimes the answer is No! And with that; I go back to God and start over...
I made a basic mistake. I was so gungho and excited to be with her; I never bothered to ask if she really liked me? or wanted to be with me? Was she even the right one; did she really want me in her life... Did she see us together in a future relationship or a future together.. THe answer to all the above is NO! She was never interested in the first place; nothing! I cant really say I was led on! I went to her; she never came to me.. She never liked me! O well! What can say! It was heart rendering and I was destroyed... I saw her as my wife. SHe saw nothing in me!~ I was so smashed; I really didnt want anyone ever again... I was in High School; That was many moons ago!
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Im now officially back with God starting over......
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My First Love was the last EMOTIONAL based relationship I had... And I only had one....
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Ive had a few moments here n their with other people; but no matter how much makeup they put on; they are still clowns; Clowns for the circus.... Not the type of female monster I was ever looking for.
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NOTE: I through myself away. And the kinds of side show acts one attracts when they feel low about themselves; Its like walking into the nocturnal section of a large zoo...... Its not good... and I mean that. ITs like being in a science fiction movie trying to date Martian blood sucking Vampires. Its not good.. In fact; it caused its own bizare trauma to add to the rest of the defeatism...
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I went through a dry spell of some really freaky marginal people. I mean; no offence to them; but I was way out of my baseline... I had no feelings; and I felt nothing for no one! I was a zombie who no longer cared about anything.
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So; 6 years ago It started for me; to start the work that would change me and bring me back in alignment with myself... And right now; Im now done with that first 6 years. IM BACK.
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SO IT BEGINS>..
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What does this mean; It means Ive learned and accepted what happened with my first love; and Ive moved on; all with GOds help; Nothing easy here... Nothing!
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I have new goals and Im starting out with nothing! So; Im asking God for help on how to do things for the first time.
How to have my own car ( take care of it; manage it); for the first time
How to have more money consistently; for the first time.
How to search for and attract a wife; for the first time
How to have a relationship; I have no clue; for the first time
House; for the first time
Manageable interesting vacations; for the first time...
WOrking with my talents; for the first time
Working Right with my Hobbies....
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ANd so on.....
Losing weight...
And many more things.
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How to build a life; FOr the first time
How to completely depend on God while building this new life; not just experimenting...
How to live day to day with my dreams in hand and working with GOd all the time; What is that like. In the real world with real people and places and things...
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I started a soulmate search once again!
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ANd about GOD;
When I was young my mind was ripped to pieces over n over n over by my parents; I had no parents. And what they thought of me ruled what I thought of myself; So; I did not expect much for my life because my view of myself was so low. And that will affect everything in my life at the time. My life was basically doomed.
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TOday; God is my parents... And so GOd has let me know; things will be different this time because I follow GOd and God has no negative view of me. So I feel much better about gaining the dreams I want to have now... I was already feeling much better about myself then when young; but right now; Knowing God is my new family; God wants me to succeed at everything... all; A positive light! A positive light is GOd...
So; Ill have to get used to what that feels like....
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So; I have allot of work ahead of me.
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