September 2025
August 2025
I work with the laws of attraction; I believe in them. I remember this one women; she was hot to me; red dress; heels; tall sexy to me; chemicals between us... She said something to me. That was years ago.
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I got pulled to go to this place the last few days... Suddenly this game girl come out from the back; walks over; gives me an hug and we start talking... I remembered her; that red dress. First thing I did was get her phone number. She got mine and text hers... She toxic; I dont know whats shes on; shes sport;n blue hair.. Its definitely a sex thing not a long term thing... So; its all starting to begin again.
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Women
cars
money
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I looked back today at another women in my mind... She was sent to be my wife and I missed it; I never got it. I was 2 dissociative; Bummer; but Im working with God on this...
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God is sending me more n more stuff on YouTube and in my mind and people showing up around me; women... And Im changing; its all about me getting a wife.
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I have no idea where to post anymore... Everything in my recovery world is become so meshed together...
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The pain of dysfunction...
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I met her at her Father in laws... She was with her Husband; their son. I was doing landscaping. The father had money.... Dr Trapconno... She was on the verge of a Divorce.. I didnt know; I didnt now them. Later after she was divorced; I would see her and later in psych groups. She was a typical upper or middle class soccer mom type; cheerleader in High School kind of thing; Beautiful.
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I saw her for 7 off in on at psych group... Shes an Artist. I used to try not to interact with her. She liked me the whole time. I used to tell myself; I wish I had someone just like her who is an artist. I knew she had a thing for me.
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A few years ago; after finally coming out of part of my skizo condition; dissociative disorder CPTSD AVPD and more.... After being at the bottom rung of things; I finally started moving upward.
I had to cash a check; I found myself on my bike at the bank; Covid; so couldnt go in... had to go through drive through. On the way out after finishing my business... I heard a voice; " Hi Brian". I turned from a long way off; It was her.. I looked up to God; I knew it was a sign. A sign to change.
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I turned my expensive mountain bike around; looked at the beautiful blond hair from a distance.. And started peddling toward her. When I got there; up close; I looked her in the eyes and asked her out on the spot.
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She said something that stunned me. She said Brian; IVe been divorced for 25 years. I stopped and thought; What? All of this interest in her was 20 years ago? She was flattered; she she already had someone and Goodbye...
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I realized I was coming out of my dissociative shell. I also realized just how out of touch with reality Ive been. That really shocked me.
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Tonight I was looking in the window of a store front and I saw her paintings and her picture... And when I got home I realized; My God; I was suppose to marry her (pause) 20 years ago.
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Its so easy and clear; God brought the perfect women to me; Artist and sensitive and perfect. And God put her around me for years and I didnt get it ever after I got it.....
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Man o Man.. Shocking.
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Im hoping that when God brings me people for relationships; I stop judging everything and just go out with them.
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