September 2025
August 2025
I'm in Limbo Land; What does this mean; its a kind of maturational process from being the other broken mentally ill self; the victim self; the specific person of jagged colored personalities created by the negatives and fear horror of the past; I'm going from those people; being walked or driven or flown by the universe until I'm not those people anymore; I've been slowly lifted from those lives and moved with some momentum; slow momentum to a point that my focus is on god and the universe and what is happening in front of me; so much so that I've been traveled to a new place and I don't remember anything of that other world; I don't have to and I don't want to; I've moved on into something that is preparing me for something completely new.
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I'm now practicing in this safe vortex of the holy spirit. its a changing room. I'm being morphed into something completely new.
I'm fare away from what others call the past; almost to a point that its way gone beyond just being out of sight out of mind; Its way way way out of mind. I've traveled many many miles; so many I don't remember what happened. I've been God grown in a special incubator; I was replanted from; like a seed of self; and grown. This was done while at the end of the last segment of that last life of hell;
the last breaths of that dead well; before that; much before that; I learned on that death planet to do as much as I could; and I escaped and found recovery on that death planet; And then paradigm shifts; God came and took me away from that planet of cruel death. And now I am becoming that seed that turned into a plant and grew into a small tree and is now being transformed from God Universe planetarium where I was re created into a human; I'm now in the vortex zone where I'm being transformed into a human again but this time my mother and father are the vortex; the holy spirit; The universe and God and I have no need or memory of anything else. Its not necessary; I do not look back to the death planet to get feed or identify; its all history; its just dead history of another time and place.
Does anyone remember what happened at the turn of the 19th century; Lets say the 1890's or 1901? Probably not; Its to fare away; its so fare away; its history; its only in history books; no present modern person is connected to such abstract distant things. In a sense; its all closed dead history. And in many cases for most maybe; a closed history. Something not thought of ever again. Its dead history. And its much more then that; I was not dislocated from that history; I mean: I had dislocated myself from it while on the same planet millenniums ago. I had already fought the good fight and walk away from or ran as fast as possible away from the trauma horror; from the center of pure evil. I ran from that into recovery.
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Then something happened; I was so fare away and had gotten as fare as I could; God rescued me to another world; another world of planets in a different time and space.
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I am now a new creature in the vortex interim learning how to walk and learning how to read and learning how to use my arms and learning how to see and communicate again. I have no history; nothing; but I am always aware of what happened.
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Its like I remember that I was in a car wreck; but I was so young and had amnesia; I remember the pain and that I went through it; but it is so long and distant. Its as if I was pulled from one life into another. Like I was reborn literally into a complete other humanoid from the ground up. However, from the background I came from. I am new but I'm old as well. But I'm not. I'm bran new. and I have no history. I have only the experiences of slowly working with God as I wake up again from a strange sleep into a new world.
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The old memories I have of some of the players of the past; they are just old memories of ancient stage coach robbers. They are ancient history that I do not want attachment to; that is what is new about me. What ever I believed about those historical figures of my past; At this point I consider it all lies; everything about them; pure evil manipulators. Thats all they were; nothing to remember everything to run from. I still have some residing memories. I'm working through things; I'm working through triggering of very powerful old memories re accruing; re creating themselves on staged fake information of people that were not what they appeared to be. knowing this now; their power is slowly leaving my presence. They have actually left my presence but their un processed memories have not. In many cases; I was fooled by them; they were dangerous predators; I was fooled by them completely. And I still have the naïve memories or opinions of them in memory form bombarded my thoughts. However, they were tried long ago and found guilty and thrown away; Now; I have the work of getting rid of there memories and in some cases; some avenues of memories were never processed and they still have power and fear. They still influence me; but It matters not; I'm a new person and these are memories of an old person from another time and history; They are not mine. And thus; these memories need to leave.
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I'm now on the exciting adventure of a new life and learning and opening; My inner being is opening up a new world to me if I call for it; I'm very fragile and do not know how to function much in this new place. I'm like a pre born person kind of; but I'm born but I'm not able to walk yet or talk; I am able to start seeing what's in my imagination put there from my inner being. And I'm slowly heading towards those things and each will have to be re learned or learned for the first time how to interact with this self actualized manifestations.
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I'm becoming a new person with a new set of structures and taught by God and the holy spirit. Jesus is teaching me himself and has sent his helper Angles/guides to over see my development and directions and to help me when take new chances to learn new things.
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My inner being is my guide. my inner being is the lower frontal area of my guidance system; He is alive in a the way the universe God is alive. He is alive and build out there in outer space but he resides as physical in me as well. He is the connecting point of the guidance system from the universe. He puts thoughts into my dreams and imaginations of what I really want and what's best for me and how to get through the paths of least resistance to accomplish this; The universe is my friend.
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Trains;
As I prayed and was within the beginnings of asking the universe for guidance on my Purpose; suddenly Trains; from no where; Trains in my imagination. I've always loved them and had a train set but my apartment is to small for one. I could get train software tho.
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However, what's at the deepest part of my soul. I want to go ride the old steam engine trains of the old west. I want to go find out where they are; in what parks; you know; the kind one can ride for half a day and then have lunch; that kind of thing.
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I began to look them up on the internet hm? vids; and I began to find them; but it was murky. Ill keep looking for them. I may have found one in Main Or New York; to far away kind of thing. And then suddenly out of nowhere a thought; It opened up; it was from the Universe; Amtrak. I thought; Hmmm? Amtrak trains.
I began to obsessively study about Amtrak trips from Youtubers who write vlogs about there pro level touring trips on the Amtrak trains. They make there living riding trains and taking trips and vlogging about it. SO; I began to study these people and there knowledge and soon began to get a feel for things.
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If I took this trip on Amtrak trains; where would I go; And a thought materialized in the back of my mind. Remember Id been looking at trains for about a month on you tube learning about the different trips and trains and how they operated around the country.
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I think the first thought I had was a basic smaller trip; something I could start with. And this slowly began to develop.
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Suddenly It was important to have a destination; Like a trip; where did I want to go. I had no idea; Its been a life time since caring about doing anything in the outside world; I don't care; it used to mean nothing to me; I had no more dreams. Suddenly I have dreams again. it has been building as I have been building.
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There is a 1000 reasons not to go after something or participate in life. Suddenly For the first time since childhood; I had 1 reason TO participate and go after something in life; everything; because I'm becoming human again. I'm not dead; I'm alive; that is why? that is all one needs; thus I must learn to fight for what I want. And I must learn to start wanting things again and go after them; But where would I learn what I want. INNER BEING! My guidance system knows what I want. I start praying and start meditation.
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Suddenly I picture starts to immerge. I want to go to? Hmmmmmm////
A few days later more information . I can feel it but not see it.
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Finally Im seeing desert and sand and heat and resort and stuff. ...... its very social lots and lots of people tourists who have come there; thousands of them. My inner being searches the child mind with in me; It suddenly appears; GRAND CANYON. I have this deep need to go to the Grand Canyon. This was a a few weeks ago. I just kind of let it sink in. Grand Canyon. I know nothing about it; Only what I read in books as a boy and that was a long time ago.
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I decided to look up trips for Amtrak; and there it was; several trips to the Grand Canyon. Something was pulling me in that direction.
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My original interest was in trains; trains I could ride for half a day or all day long; old steam engines of the west kind of thing; like a theme; you ride it all day and have a complimentary dinner with the package kind of thing. Spend the day with the old trains; ride them and have dinner. That was my original intent.
Seeing that Amtrak had 500 destinations; I looked it up and read about it; and I mean; I could take this train for rides for the rest of my life. But where would I go and did I want to go.
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Without knowing it; The Grand Canyon has a Grand Canyon railway; it runs out of William AZ; This train is part of the Railway Hotel in William. William is 62 miles away from the South Rim of the Grand Canyon and The Grand Canyon Village.
The train runs everyday at 9:30 in the morning; taking passengers for a 2 1/2 hour ride to the Southern rim of the Grand Canyon; its destination is Grand Canyon Village. Drops people off; comes back at about 4;30 or 3:30 picks up the people and takes them back to the Hotel in Williams Az.
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From all this; I studied all the packages from a specific site concerning Amtrak rail vacation packages. I started to get a feel for things. Next; I looked up Grand Canyon and what to expect if I went down there by Amtrak.
I you tubed it. I found all kinds of vloggers info on YouTube. I've learned a great deal and got to see video tape of where to stay and eat and all the activities in the National grand canyon park.
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And from there; I began to take chances and actually start calculating what it would cost to set up a trip to the Grand Canyon.
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One apparent thing that is most important; the universe led me to a Train; the Grand Canyon railway that crosses the forest from William Az to the Grand Canyon Daily. And that is why the universe sent me the grand canyon information. I had no idea of this until I began to study. The laws of attraction. Thus a train is found just as I originally wanted. So; Ill keep studying.
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Money is an issue; its an issue because I have to learn to not give up on it. I have to keep it alive. Everyday. I mean; I have to; I want to be taken care of; that is important but I also have to be a creator and put out the work to focus on money money money. I have to learn; and I have to learn to believe.
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I'm now praying for personal interactions with the right people to re establish development I lost or never got from the ages of 4-10 years old. So I can develop. God has to bring the right people; I'm not going to look for them or the situations.
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Id like to do some traveling and I'm now putting it out to others I know; hinting; " IF your ever going up to Sedona or Grand Canyon take me with you" kind of thing; opportunistic; just kind of putting it out there.
I'm talking to God about it; where I start. I have social connection needs and will work with the universe for the right situations to occur or show up around me for the right kind of help from the right people; I'm really disabled in this area; no one else can see it; but us who are disabled make sure they don't see it and we make sure we are not around anyone for to long to discover the under person hiding within this body.
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Do I start tripping; meaning; a real summer trip; just go to Seattle to start with? Maybe; Ill talk to God about all of this. I'm curious to see who shows up to help... Maybe I can help them; the universe knows. Knows what I need;
It was a bad time being thrown away; I was bullied and destroyed and in survival mode. Got know where.
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So' the next blog I think is about getting help from the right people; practicing relearning where I'm ruptures socially. Learning how to trust again and feeling the sorrow and agony of a young life that tried so hard and was hated and spat upon just Like Jesus was and crucified. It was the same thing.
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So; the next blog is about learning or wanting to go out and become social again and do things and have trips and plan trips and activities and do things in life and use my talents and interact with others and be open and forward thinking gaining personal experience and regaining self again and feeling I can protect myself again.
So; Im heading back out into the world is what Im doing and Im telling or asking God to prepare me as a human being with practice with my condition.
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