Im talking to other people…
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Ive noticed something;
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Im scared to get into a relationship; up close with certain women… its to much for me; Im to scared.
However; Ive noticed something…
Im much closer
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I mean; like a few feet from girls.. ( women I mean); I have to remember; this is 2025. In my time; we called them girls; adult women; They called us boys…. Adult men…
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The point is; the gap is closing… Im closer to their frequency; the frequency; the level at which women reside for relationships; the level relationships reside…
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However; an authentic gap resides… Its an untouched place since childhood. Its a place of a 7 year old.
I never had a mother; so that space; I never entered it. Never… Im guessing or I assume; it was a place for my mother; something my mother would have allowed; intimacy of security and caring; affection; Something I never got… ever…
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Ive never seen any modern women care; they certainly never cared about me getting this kind of care; so I just dropped away from them… No one cared about me so I dropped out or away….
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Now; the work Im doing is getting me closer…
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However; although I can kind of see the first of the new plans; It doesn’t mean Ive experienced anything yet.
I must take it all to God and allow God to take it further. And; I must imagine… Imagine Im close up in that gap between myself and a women; and interacting at that level gap.
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I can see this gap as what to work on… .\
I can see working on this gap as focus; instead of focusing on a specific women of interest; its better just to take this part of things to God. And work on them.
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I can see it; its me the small boy look upward to my mother; the connection that never occurred. And Ill work with God on this connection.
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I can also see my mother betraying me and neglecting me abandoning me… And no one cares… I can see the sadness of it.. and fear…
Never having a mother…
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This closeness that never occurred; Ill pray about it to God for help with this; and write stories about being with women interacting within this gap…
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Amen.