September 2025
August 2025
Hiking out of the Valley of My First Love
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NOTE: Their was no opportunity here! For a relationship; I was mistak'n....
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NOTE: I will continue to write blogs on this subject until this entity is competely gone from my past and present... Until this monster has no more control or influence over my past or present life. She is not gone until she is gone 100%
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This is not over! Im just beginning the fight or the assault to escape using the plans given me by the universe... Im just starting to unravel the sober sanity and alignment of the universe to that leads me out of this situation.
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The hold this person had on me; that feeling of being trapped; Im starting to un -trap the trap; Im beginning to find my way past this into the unknown forest behind it; And Im willing to go beyond this trap now; and walk into the unknown forest and get out of there…
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Im becoming willing to do what ever it takes to get out of there; And thus; the strengthening process is occurring from the stars; The Stars are helping me; for they know me; they are my guardians; They are alive and well; They teach me and they guide me. For they are Sunny Jesus; They area Holy spiritus.. They are Universe; God…. Gods Angels protect me! They talk to me….
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NOTE: This is not a Victim; this is a Victimiz’r ; This is the person who causes all this damage in the lives of normal decent regular people; This type of sadistic psychopath is a predator and stalker of normal decent people; They are a criminal minded liar and robber of all sorts of dangerous trouble to the decent citizen'z of their country...
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NOTE; The problem is my continuous delusional state to save this poor psychopath from their brokenness that I may be loved and accepted by them; so I can have someone that loves me… I want the love of my mother I never got. I want this person to love me; showing me that I can conquer my mothers love and be accepted and loved.
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NOTE: As you can see from my insane comment above; This is why the universe is helping me. I got emotionally trapped by this person. And Im trying to get out of it… Im attempting to get enough information to indicate this psychopath is nothing but a liar who played a game over me. They are not what they appear to me or claim to be or say to be. They are vicious pathological liars and sadistic predators against anyone they come in contact with. Ive learned the hardway…
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Im learning to get out of there and never return to anything like this ever again… Its very hard to do but possible… and do-able.
The universe can do anything; and Ive learned to get help from many many people.
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This person but on a complete physical false front; I never saw they were a psychopath; its took numerous months and even then I didn’t understand; it will take almost 9 months until I see all of this clearly and realize there is no relationship here; and no future here… Ive been marginalized and used...
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At some point the hold this has on me will be un-held..
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THE STARS;
They are teaching me how to become strengthened so I can escape… so I can turn around and walk out the trail I came in; This person is a lie! THeir false life style is a lie; its Sociopathic...
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Finally saw it when attending the stress of a home backyard 12 step meeting yesterday…
Many of the players at 12 step meetings; many can be marginal people of a more undeveloped shallow nature… Not all; but many; narcissists; sociopaths criminals. It can be a circus at times; but it can also be a learning exposure if God is with me and Im ready to deal with the information God is sending… .
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And yesterday I got my first shot of a new type of exposure information; I got a visual of Hiking out of the Valley of my First Love; A psychopath I had mistaken as a lost decent sensitive little girl; Young girl(women); I met as a teenager I wanted to vett and make my wife and best friend. Ive spent the last numerous years in the recovery process working with God and others to ( GET OUT) of that this experience of the past with this girl. I got played and I got fooled and I got stuck in the past. At first I thought I got played by a nice girl who didn’t like me; And maybe I did; but its more probable I got played by a ruthless psychopath I mistakenly identified as a " nice girl lost"; A lost maiden needing to be love who needed my help… I made this mistake because of how she looked and presented herself; she presented her self as a lost innocent kind of loveless person who needed to be loved. In reality unfortunately; I made a mistake; that look of loneliness was not a lack of love; it was a psychopath with no conscious; and it can give a look similar to a lonely lost person thrown away that needs to be loved and cared for. I fell for this mistake for a very long time; and in a state of confusion; I finally woke up; But it was 2 late. I was already hooked somehow.
I do not believe the psychopath really understood the human fear or concern I was experiencing. I believe the psychopath just saw some human weakling hanging out with her… She could not really figure out why. And at some point she tired of it and dumped me; in a sense. Before this happened; I was on my way out after discovering she was a sociopath with psychopathy. When I discovered this; she was a sadistic sociopath with psychopathy; it was over for me. Unfortunately; I had already fallen for a future with her. But who was the real “ Her”?. No real “ Her”; existed. The person I thought I was Vetting didn’t exist. I honestly don’t know who I was trying to Friend in those days; I was creating a friendship that would lead to a girlfriend and then a best friend and a wife; That was the idea. In the end she slipped up; She got bored and then I saw it; I saw who this really was; a pathological liar; a sociopath or psychopath with a criminal mind. No nice girl with a nice personality to marry existed; This Young girl; Women; female sociopath; no way this 2 faced murderer is ever going to be anyone's friend. I had made a big big mistake I couldn’t get out of; I was snared. I had tried to fall in love with an opportunity and I made a mistake; "no opportunity existed".
An example in my imagination!
One can look at it this way; its as if I fell in love with someone I thought was presenting themselves as single when in reality; they were never single. They always had a boyfriend in the back room. I was the one who thought they were single. I never took the time to find out; and in the end I will pay for it because no opportunity existed for me with this person because they were never available; And this is just an example; this is not what happened when I knew this girl. However; maybe. Maybe she had other boyfriends and could care less who I was or that I was visiting her. She was still not available; she was not attracted to me; I didnt know! She had no interest in me; I didnt know! She was 2 faced and could not be trusted; she was never on my side; I didnt know! She was never going to be a friend of mine; she was not my friend; I didnt know! I had no idea who I was dealing with! But I thought I did; I was wrong! I was 100% Wrong...
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I thought she liked me and I was special in her life and her eyes and I believed she felt for me the way I felt for her; she saw me as an opportunity to be with a decent person that loved her and wanted to she her higher level spirituality; How wrong I was… This person did not care for me or my spirituality; that meant nothing to her as I meant nothing to her. My actual presence had no interest to her; She just saw this guy hanging out around her for no reason. We were young….
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The point is; and I think Im making my point; I simply made a mistake; I thought I saw an opportunity that actually didn’t exist. Their was no human being to work with here. This was a psychopath… I had made the mistaken identity thinking this was a broken person needing to be loved. When I corrected my view of things; it was 2 late; I was already hooked in.
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Ive spent the last several years working with God on getting “ UNHOOKED” From this person and that sitaution.
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FOR THE FIRST TIME:
Yesterday at a meeting suddenly I aligned with a specific concept opened up to me from the universe; Some sanity returned to me and I saw myself hiking out of this monsters valley; this First Loves’s Valley. I was strong enough to turn and head out; start hiking down that trail; up that marginal steep climb; Hiking right out of that Valley I walked into that would lead to this young womens house where all of this started..
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I WAS STRONG ENOUGH; What does this mean; It means I was sane enough and strong enough to turn and walk away. I had enough Angels and Jesus and the Holy Spirit; God; Universe on my side; I had an Army from the Universe helping me. And they have been; and Ive been getting strengthened; Its like a war… And Ive become strong enough to walk out of that valley of this evil person… Turn and Hiking down that trail that will lead me back out of that Valley for good; back to safety and my original life.
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The point is; I realized yesterday at this meeting; I have to become strong enough and trained into becoming strong enough to simply turn around and hiking out the way I came in regardless of the Sirens callings.. Calling me back…
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And I am becoming independent enough and strong enough now… For I did it for the first time yesterday in my imagination; and thats what I was looking for; Ive been working toward this ability to gain my sanity back to a point of just walking way from a mistake… And thats exactly what I did…
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WHAT DOES THIS MEAN; It means the work is paying off. Im getting a head full of sanity concerning this situation; the level of danger I put myself in by getting involved in this situation. And Ive learned that strength and asking for help and having an army on my side is the beginning of sanity in this situation; so I can leave as I had come in. And thats what I was given permission to do.
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The lie is just about over with!
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Im getting stronger… Better; More independent…
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Not their yet; almost!
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Im still caught in the lie! But getting their.
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NOTE: One big confusing mistake. I was brought up with the idea; “ Im a nice guy; Im a great Guy” Im a decent guy” Any good women would love to be with.
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I will learn that finding a women of the value to respect me for who I am; this is a very hard thing to do. God can do this for me. But its like finding a needle in a hey-stack; As they used to say in my day…
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In my day of old; in the old days; TV shows were plagued with women presented as every man would wish to see them; They were presented as pretty blonds who were looking for a young man of decency and good character; a Hero in their own lives. The idea was; the women would discover the young man being this self developed hero; And see his value and live happily ever after. Unfortunately that is a lie. That is not what I found women to be like. That is a mans fantasy of how they want women to be like; and TV shows were full of this kind of thing; this romantic male version of life. Unfortunately I never found anything like this in real life; I never found any women interested in falling in love with anything except maybe someones money; Money that could create a life style of protection and being provided for. If a man; Any Man had enough money; He could get any various amount of women to act out a male fantasy role for him; she would play the lost maiden and he would believe he had someone who he could fall in love with; However; its conditional; only if he had the money.
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LOOKS; However; If the guy was ruggedly hansom like a movie star; He could also get a women’s interests… She would not be in love with anything. She would be attracted to him physically; thinking he is “ HOT” because of his physical appearance.. And this would also build fantasies of her social position by being with a man of this caliber.
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In either case; The man could be a worthless sociopath criminal; it didn’t matter to women; they were looking only at is wallet size or physical appearance.
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“ SHES LOVES NOTHING”! She is in love with the life-style these men can give her; nothing more. And chances are she will get bored.
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She will always be in love with that first guy that swept’d her off her feet; that Good looking guy that treated her like garbage but she “ Loved?” Anyway! She Loved the Fantasy…? Anyone after this; she is using for money or to simp on!~
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Am I making my point!
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God can bring me a decent person for a relationship; if I go through God; and Gods Kingdom; God first; The horse first; then the cart. I failed to do this when young and found myself down a trail I did not know and into a neighborhood In parts of a dark Forest I did not know!
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NOTE: My thinking alone cannot bring me a decent person for a relationship; My Will does not work! Wont happen. It must Be GODs Will! I need the help of the Universe. The Universe/God; Jesus; Holy spiritus! I am calling out to the creators of life and Universe for help to bring me someone like them; of their nature… Someone decent like the creators of the Universe; with the same energy as God; that is what Im looking for; A HELPER; created by God; By Gods energy that was created for one reason; TO HELP ME! TO BE MY HELPER…
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And for this; I must go to the Creator of all things GOD; For God to attract and bring this person to me under the care of God…
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The society I live in is ruined and corrupt. No way on my own with my own will and thinking can I attract anything other then a criminally minded sociopath who is fooling me; Thats the best Ive been able to come up with… Gods will tho; can change all that; through God Universe; all things are possible; The universe has power; I do not have power.
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All my life was looking for women that acted like those I saw on TV shows; “ I never found them”. I did find that if man had good enough looks and or enough money; women would play the role of this “ Lost maiden that needs to be found and rescued”. In reality; women were looking for a life style; Men were looking for love. I believe women love children; but no one else...
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NOTE: Most men will be divorced. The women they are with will become tired of them; Bored;
Hypergamy will set into these women and they will always be looking for something better; and always wanting to move up; They are in love with nothing! They are in love with life style. Did God created them this way? I dont know!
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NOTE: Women don’t seem to need to be “ In Love” With anything; The Idea of being “ In Love” With something is a male fantasy!
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GOD CAN CREATE THE ANSWER>>. When turning to God; meditation and alignment with God; all things are possible… All Good things are possible.
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