September 2025
August 2025
I was sitting in a meeting as I slowly work with God and get better.
.
I saw this women across the room; I know her kind of; I mean; ive seen her for years and years but never interacted with her; and for good reason.
.
At different times she's shown some interest in me. I may have thought she was cute; but then I think the devils wife is cute; So; its a sign to leave it alone! She appears to me to be evil; and always has...
Im not suggesting Im not faithless and evil; as I always have been; but not really. I mean; Im not evil. Im messed up but Im not evil... I mean; I hope not! Im not evil. I have a conscious!
.
The girl across the room uses men as if they are inferior; Shes like a shark encircling prey; Its a more sadistic kind of thing; thats what turns her on. ITs her ego! She wants to look important like she has power on earth when with men; Thats fine; Non of my business; Please dont make it my business; Im not interested.
Id like to sleep with her; but for free! ANd nothing is free! I mean; their is a price to be paid if I ever got involved with her.
.
Sometimes I look at her and study her because she represents what is not safe. It doesn't take long to come to the conclusion she is not safe and never has been safe...
.
Yesterday I sat down and she got my attention from across the room and gave me this big wave of both her hands as if to say; " I SEE YOU"; Like Im starring at her all the time because I want her; of course I could care less; Im seated in the corner across from her corner; I have no choice but to look in that direction; regardless; it wont matter; I dont want her and never will. And thats probably more of the problem; I wont go near her and that doesn't do well for her status with other people... Thats my story on it... thats been my conclusion for a long long time... Get involved with someone like this; and their already stabbing me in the back; have cut one of the legs out of my chair before I sit down; and pocked holes in my coffee cup before I ever take a drink; all with a smile on her face as if everything is fine. I ignored her yesterday; as it was a kind of narcissistic attack; what she was doing; kind of a gas lighting situation with her waving at me as if I was desperate for her. or that I secretly want her; Ive seen this used several times by these evil types... These are people to stay away from... Godless. Fair enough!
.
Another women in the room; she gives me attention; she is really cute... adorable kind a. And she connects with me and just looks at me secretly in a kind of strait forward look; like we know each other at an intimate level; and at first it looks like I have a girlfriend potential; But then working with God; I get this bigger picture starting to immerge in my mind. I begin to remember her from before when she was flirting with others guys giving them all the attention; Im in the room and there's no other men to give attention to; only me; So I get her full attention. If the other men Im thinking of were in the rooms; she would be giving them all the attention and I would never see her or have a look or glance from her.
.
I think the universe was trying to say something to me; that Im not special in her eyes; "I mean nothing to her" SHes just getting free quick attention from someone. She has no interest in me although she makes it look and feel real.... Its not!
.
.
I stopped and thought about all this. And I thought; My God; I would like to meet my wife
.
Certainly; if i want to meet a wife; I wouldn't be in the meeting rooms Im describing; but it has happened with other before. However, No way!
.
.
AM I FIATHFUL?
.
I thought about it; I want a faithful wife; meaning; I simply want a faithful person; women; not someone staring at other men all the time; Nothing makes me more vile or sick to my stomach; I mean; why would I ever take any interest in that!
.
I want allot from these women I meet; but am I faithful?
.
I thought about it; I have to work with God becoming faithful to GOd and then allowing God to bring the life I want.. Have I done this; NO!~ Ive tried a little bit; Ive got to work on it much harder; ive got to take the character flaws that are blocking me from God and work on all this and get better at it.
I claim I want a faithful wife but am I faithful. I will ask God how I can become faithful to him. How do I pray and what to say to be faithful to God. I would like to have enough faith that I can attract things from God... God bringing me things because I am of GOd; so I attract what I am. I attract God things.
.
Attracting evil is such a waist of time and space and energy... I seem to attract evil but nothing of God. Nothing... makes me wonder what Im praying to. Am I secretly praying to the devil; because thats what I seem to end up with.
.
I do not want to spend my time with middle class Christian s from a local church; that makes me sick to my stomach; Those are not my people. No disrespect to them; but they are not my people. They are simply strangers; not my culture or my tribe or my people. They dont speak my language. No Thanks; those people scare me!!!!!
.
I do pray to Jesus Christo fantastico... So; Ive read the Bible millions of trillions of times... and that is part of my religious affiliations; So are UFO's and Star Trek... The Universe; Source energy; THe vortex; my inner being and the guidance system of self with universe... Its all part of one bigger picture for me...
.
I would like to find my group of people; certainly its not in recovery meetings rooms with half baked evil people. Thats not my tribe either... But I need the recovery so I go to the recovery meetings; and there it is...
.
The recovery meetings are filled with great people and 99% to 100% are great; and if I add that they are broken like me its even better for my recovery; a number of these people also have trauma problems; The problem is; they are either about emotions or co dependency or chemical addiction alcohol addiction or hurts habits hang-ups. Nothing specifically about severe PTSD or CPTSD and resulting mental conditions stemming from the PTSD or offshoots caused by the severe stress of the PTSD> . A number of the people are trying to get off years and years of dangerous hardcore drug abuse or alcohol abuse.
Although I was a substance abuser because of trauma; its not my main issue; altho it did become a concern a few times; but I ended up quieting.
.
So; substance abuse on my scale is not quit the same thing as the hardcore drug addict but its enough to get me in those rooms as a legitimate user who wanted to stop... The problem is; PTSD is the main issue and substance abuse is second tier but important... However, going to meetings strictly about drugs or alcohol or emotions or codependency is fine but I feel like THe PTSD is choked out; my identity with trauma is choked out. At meetings; I have to always bring up substance abuse and then add trauma issues afterward and try to meld them all together. Sometimes Ill bring up D.I.D. But; ya know; it just freaks people out and most dont really know about PTSD...
.
PTSD
PTSD these days gets thrown around the recovery rooms allot at times; the problem is; only certain combat vets from the VA and certain civilians actually have real disabling PTSD problems.. Im a civilian with that problem and there really isnt any place for guys like me to go to talk about it and recover from it... meaning; in meetings. THe VA Guys and Girls have there own world through the military to talk to... I dont have anything; I have to create my world with all the recovery processes I can find.
.
Im wanting meetings concerning (D.I.D. Dissociative disorder and CPTSD...); because these are my disabling problems. This is where the work is at this point; always has been So I long for trauma 12 step groups...
.
Our partner
Who is online
Registered users: Bing [Bot], Google [Bot], Google Adsense [Bot], Google Feedfetcher, Majestic-12 [Bot], Ralphleave
- Home ‹ Board index ‹ Blogs ‹ OMNICELL's Blog ‹ Faith
- Contact • Advertise on Psychforums • The team • Delete all board cookies • All times are UTC
News
Site map
SitemapIndex
RSS FeedCheck Mental Health Matters
Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007, 2014 phpBB Group
Time : 4.431s | 22 Queries | GZIP : Off | Load : 4.11
Time : 4.431s | 22 Queries | GZIP : Off | Load : 4.11