August 2025
July 2025
Dissociative disorder and coming out of fantasies
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So; I recently blogged that Ive been working through the past; Yes I have; with Gods help.
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And Im under the understanding now that Ive been dealing more with a dissociative fantasy that takes my mind over ( because its weak) and cannot sustain reality. This means I was dealing with people of the past? Or was I.
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I created a dissociative fantasy about those people in my mind and turned to those false fantasy memories…
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I couldn’t help it; it seems I would turn off and then I would be in that realm with that other person play acting in my mind with that fantasy person… I was playing any role I thought I needed. But the protective part of me was creating the fantasy I think to protect me from ever being in the real world and dealing with real people.
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The problem was; I was never dealing with real people; I was always in a dissociated state concerning certain people.
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At some point I got tired of it all and wanted out. And thus; working with God I am now legally more awake…
Im awake enough that when I do dissociate into that fantasy state with that faked fantasy person; part of me that is awake knows it… Im awake now when it happens; and I can chase the false fantasy away and stay awake without it and deal with life as it is…
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So; now that Im experiencing being awake; Its strange to see a fantasy person in my head show up to appear to be getting close to me emotionally speaking…
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Im awake now when I dissociate to see this person; I don’t have to completely chase them away. Because Im awake; all I have to do is stay awake; because, this allows me to know its all fake; theirs no one really their; its all in my imagination of a dissociated condition… It very quickly disappears…
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Im much more present and really wondering if I had ever really been dealing with real people much of my life.
I may have been dealing with ghosts in my dissociated state; or a kind of Cyber brain created phantom that takes the place of a real person.
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Either way; Now with Gods hep Im much more present..
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Today I was with a friend in a truck… I looked over at the local colleges… I saw an old home. I told my friend; Id like to buy that home.
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Why was this comment interesting?
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Well; I wasnt talking from a dream state position; I wasnt in fantasy land or Disney land channel in my head. I was talking about a real house I was seeing in front of me and I was talking about wanting to buy it for myself to live in. I don’t have any money; I don’t know how I would get the money; but I was not in dream land.
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My ability to fantasize and visualize and desire is all starting to mesh much stronger with reality. They are all kind of working together now under God to create a stronger me….
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In the past I just stayed in my head; their were no real realities; That would have been to much for me. Now; not as much. My brain is stronger; thats what counts…
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It was a very smooth experience…
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My ability to want a desire appears to be much more real; a car a wife kids a house money…
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How to create art or music or writing…
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I must admit; Im much older now; an old man… senior citizen. However; really; it doesn’t have that much to do with anything…
Ive done allot of work over the years to learn success based thinking concepts and I think all the recovery work and work with God and success based thinking work; and laws of attraction; all that Ive studied has helped to change me.
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Certainly all the work Ive done on resentments and working through the past until I kind of drop away from the past. I finally accept 100% what happened; I take full responsibility for everything; Im not talking about sexual abusers who attacked me or parents that abandon me when 9; Im talking about all the trouble with the rest of the world.
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Suddenly I just kind of drop away from everything and land back on the earth… Those things I wanted to be part of are way up in the clouds and Im down on earth… I can simply now; get up and walk away; Im not attached to those important things anymore… Im only attached to myself and God.. and my inner being and The Universe…
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So; Im starting to get to a strange peaceful stronger place…
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Im starting to get it together… Im very lucky to have my life together the way it is… learning how to live this life… and Ive studied and at the base level; I kind of do know how. And considering my destroyed background; that is a pure miracle from God… and it just keeps getting better as I stay under the sovereign state of God and keep at my recovery process…
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I would just say things are so much better then they used to be. Of course; Ive done a whole lot of work for a long long time… Under God.. Listening to my higher power… Working with Sponsors and my higher power. The universe putting new thoughts into my head.
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I also have groups I go to and work on this stuff on a daily basis…
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So… Ill just keep at it… amen.
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