10 women I could marry; Thats not the problem….
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I was talking to myself loudly this morning; 5 in tha mowning!
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I was thinking that I couldn’t trust any of the women Ive met; ever! Who then am I suppose to marry. After trying to work through all of this in my own brain. I finally knew the answer; it started to come to me; “ Bow down to God”. Humble myself before God on my knees with this subject and Ill get the answer; The answer from God!
Well; I got an answer…
As I was talking myself; I did say to myself; suddenly; “ I could marry 100000 women if I wanted to”. I stopped for a second and kept walking… and suddenly it hit me; “ Wait a minute; what did I say? I said I could marry 10,000 women; Theirs 10,000 women I could marry” Well! If this is the case; I thought easily and simply about it; “ Why then am I not married; if I have 10,000 women I could marry”; And the answer is?
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I could marry them; any of them easily. So; in a state of confusion; I asked God; I asked Jesus; and Jesus quickly answered me and said; “ Waiting on you!” Meaning; “ Any time you want to get married; go for it”. “We up here in heaven have always known this from the beginning”; Said Jesus!
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And as I was thinking about this and feeling it; Suddenly I saw it; a flash picture of my Mother in my head! And thus; that is why Im not married; I knew what this meant; I was abandon by my mother and father; and never grew into or past or developed in adolescence stage and never dealt with getting over my parents. Ive been standing watch all this time for them to return… and its much more then that.
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Never Moving beyond parents; Never being developed by parents;
All the learning and developing with parents I was hoping to get; meaning; that they loved me; and when I knew they loved me; I would move forward. But that will never happen; they didn’t love me. And I have to work through this and them anyway; work with God to move beyond them; through them and leave them behind… and grow beyond all of this; until Im emotionally of marring age…. I have to grow up through those years; from childhood through adolescence and young teen years into young adulthood; And this has to do with my parents abandonment… I have to grow up with Jesus and God and The Holy Spirit and the Angels... But no parents... I have to imagine I have new parents from God and God is taking care of all this history so I can re grow up again through all the undeveloped stages of life...
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I never got over my parents; And so; that is where the work is. That means I work through those years of not being loved; but being alone; I work with God through those years; I end up working through them and saying goodbye to my parents; even tho I never really got anything from them and no development ever; nothing and I still have to say goodbye to them for good and move on; move on from them; And that is the problem… or a problem; its a big problem… and so that is where the work is… Its sad; its tough; tough as can be.
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So; That is whats stopping me. I have to let go of my parents; And their it is… Im not only keeping watch waiting for them to return to show me they love me and that Im a good person ( I havent worked through their loss); But also; I havent worked through any development to move on beyond 8 years old; if that. Because they never developed me; Im an adult 5 year old.
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So; here I am; but at-least Im getting an answer…