OMNICELL's Blog

by **OMNICELL** on Sat Aug 23, 2025 12:44 am

Moving forward….
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Next level is the practice of small levels of courage….
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Im working with Courage through intimate words expressed of confession at meetings….
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Its interesting; it seems that no one seems to know what Im doing; Im putting out vulnerability in front of others in order to practice courage. After a long time of this; I start gain significant confidence in this area; the area of consistent development.
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Meaning; Im getting better or deeper in my subject interrogation of self surrounded openly by others.
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The point is; I have the general concepts from the universe of what Im suppose to do; in order to move forward; and Im working on it.
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THE MEETINGS: THE ROOMS OF RECOVERY;
They are playing a significant part in my real confidence perspective God seeks for me; strengthening to meet my confidence problems as God would have me. The rooms play developmental; forging rolls of courageous mounted; each step forward building just a little more confidence and acceptance that courage got me their… got me to that gold nugget of confidence.
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For Confidence Is Fire born within the deep abyss of the Universe; it is the language of the mountains of Jupiter and every other mounted solar system with in the universe.
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courage steps build confidence. Confidence is the essence of man; Confidence is Man… Everything is Magic; there is no logic….
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Become a Knight; fight some dragons and gain confidence… Become a Knight and fight many dragons… And gain the process that gains confidence and thus the building of courage and confidence… Let this Gold of the Mans Universe; “ confidence”; Let it consume me and make me….
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Note; Im going to meetings in the present and talking about Intimacy and girlfriends relationships; courage and confidence… And that I will take orders from the Universe and go any direction the universe would like me to go in order to gain this confidence and find the wife God has for me…. .
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And such things Im heading toward.
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The problem has been. I can not tell a women I like her!; meaning the right one….
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Even if the old style Miss Universe a beauty of 10/10 quality; even if a women that looked like that; came to my door; and I opened it and she came in; even if she wanted me; I would just sit their paralyzed; I couldn’t tell her how I felt. And I coudnt tell her I had a problem telling her how I felt… so thus; she couldn’t help me. I cant tell her I like her; if not; Im just this hovering ghost like figure that has no purpose around her.
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CONFIDENCE:
Even if this women likes me and Ive attracted her; Ive got to be able to tell her how I feel or no go! She will never really know how I feel about her; not know if I like her… Its not her fault. She will turn and leave and that will be that…
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Confidence and support allows me to stand my ground with someone if; I tell them I like them; and they are not interested. I simply walk away come back to myself and my group and start over. Its all about the numbers in 2025.
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Ive attracted women before but could not tell them I liked them; thus I lost them…
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So; its not about attracting someone today; Its about the other side of things; its about building up my inner self so I can feel confidence that I can go out and find under Gods care; the right women God is sending me for relationships and once found; I can open up to them and tell the truth of how I feel about them… Thats all I want to practice.
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I might be able to muster up the courage to stand in front of a women; with the idea of telling her how I feel; But I have no confidence in telling her anything. And at some point in my life I may have been the kind of man that attracts a pretty women; but I cant stand before her and tell her anything because of a lack of confidence… And knowing I have no confidence in front of her; I wont bother to find myself in front of anyone.
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NOTE; ...

[ Continued ]

by **OMNICELL** on Tue Aug 19, 2025 6:45 pm

Introvert to extrovert…
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Confidence build is what this is about…
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Several different forms of confidence for the development of a mans life for him to function in society.
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So; I have a foundation; basic.. Meaning; Ive now got a foundation to work on. However; that means development of confidences of different forms and shapes and sizes. Men come from Lava; the Brutal clay created by Volcanoes deep deep within the earth… Fire Ice and Light… This is what creates the Caveman elements of is deeper self..
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The point is; Im very lucky….. I get another chance…
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The problems n challenges;
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First; I have a new set of new confidence clay; its going strait from inside to outside… from deeper inside to outside… solid; However; the clay is coming out… and consistent is its nature; my strength… I remember it being developed when young. So; Thus; its happening again… and it has happened but its small and weak… not strong.
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THE PROBLEM;
It may take have a life time to regain my confidence to do anything; any rejection, dejection… I may not be here that long.
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So; I have to just keep working with God…
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I do feel with this new vat of confidence; I can see myself standing with an opportunistic mind; standing in a crowd of people and learning how to walk up to people and introduce myself and get acquainted with them. Learning how to stand my ground and talk to them; and if Im rejected; it doesn’t get to me… I just walk away… or not even; I just walk to the next person and keep trying and gaining experience.
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The key to this; I feel connected to other sources; recovery and sponsor and God and such… I have a tether line; a line with human energy oxygen; spiritual oxygen to keep me going regardless; However; how practical this is in the present moment; we will see; I will be applying myself and thats what counts.
Im getting close because I can see it in my imagination as if it exists… Meaning the new confidence; and it does.
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The key is to have escape routs when interacting with a lot of people.
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The goal is; To get the extrovert part of me is to get me around new groups of people.
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Getting around new groups of people; means meeting new people; allowing introverted women who might be interested in me; Getting me near them for this to happen. However; Ill have to be extroverted to start and continue with the journey to get to those places where single women exist… the right ones.
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I need experience.
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by **OMNICELL** on Fri Aug 15, 2025 10:32 pm

Its happened again.
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Through the online dating channels; with some really really good stuff Ive fallen into; Im now officially going out; looking women in the eyes and practicing. Im learning how to hold my own eye to eye; Man O Man O Man; Women are much more confident then when I was out there in my youth. I mean; Man. But no problem; Im a guy; Thus; I own them… At some point Ill be able to show them that I like them enough to prove it… But man o man; this is the real world; and practicing with real women eye to eye is the ultimate and original way to get this job done.
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I practiced on a few women today… This is in addition to all the women and people Ive waved at today from my bike.
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But up close and personal; Im looking at them in the eyes with no flinching; Nothing! And holding my own. They are holding their own because they are so young and energized and confidence.
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Thus; Im in a new level of training; gladiator school dealing with the goal I have… And Im now officially unbelievably outside in the real world practicing with real women face to face; eye to eye; and they are complete strangers… I do not nor have ever built any attraction with these people; They are simply strangers Im meeting on the moment; and I have to stay eye to eye with them and just look them strait in the eyes what ever feelings might come up in me; hold my own Baby; And their it is; over n over n over n over n over; gain experience… This is the next level God has for me; to develop. This is my next level of development; It requires nothing more then for me to look a women strait in the eyes for extended periods of time regardless of whether she is nice or not… its real competition; My God these women are confident…
NO PROBLEM… I want theyre bodies more then they want to win an eye contest… So; Ill keep at it…
What am I trying to say. Im trying to say Im in a period of eye contact up close and personal… keeping it PG… Conversation.. basics; if they love me or scorn me or want me or hate me respect me or not; No flinching on my part. Ill keep working with God on this; I might have to go through 500 women to gain this specific level of training… I wont be leaving this level of training.
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I do know some basics and Im on the right track; Ill just keep this up for as long as I need be. Im missing much experience in my life; if not all experience of this sort in my life. So; Ill keep it up; as I slowly get stronger. Amen.

by **OMNICELL** on Fri Aug 15, 2025 4:24 am

It happened again; another connection…
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This time I was watching TV shows from the past of my generation… “ We’r the young people and we’v got somth’n to say”;
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So; from my childhood I was watching the Partridge Family; All young kids wanted to be like Keith Partridge when they grew up… He was a great example of how we were like in those days… Those shows represent life fairly well; when when I was a young boy in my childhood. Its like looking at a merrier in time. More importantly; it represents my identity at that time period.
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Something happened as I was remembering. I remember those shows when I was kid; I remember watching them; so re watching them again is just like being back in my childhood.
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However; Something strange happened; Suddenly I was thinking about women and connecting with them and not feeling good enough.
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Im the guy that was goofy around women; I didn’t have any training from a big brother or friend or uncle on how to pick up women; Meaning; meeting them; courting them and so on; into a relationship; I did know anything… So; I bungled around once in awhile; And I kind of randomly mindless fell into a girlfriend; and unfortunately it was more then just a horrible horrible disaster… Most of the time it was someone fare below my value system level; so much so; I was fairly unhappy and confused most of the time; resentful they were never the right kind of people for me; but always the wrong kind of people completely.
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I still don’t know what Im doing; but Now atleast I have a more constructive attitude about the whole thing.
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Im the classic guy that looked at women as always being way better then me; I didn’t have a chance with. If they were really pretty; I simply gave up long before I would ever get near them; I was to intimidated by their looks and would run. I felt bad inside if I got to close because they wouldnt need someone like me; they had a million options. They had so many options I would never put myself into that situation just to be humiliated.
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Also; I was so unsure of myself around women; I just could not be myself and joke around or act like everything was OK.
I was to shy and never felt worth much around women. I just gave up and never got near them anymore and went off into my own world…
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MENTAL BREAK DOWNS>
My mental break downs; The many Ive had; left me similar to being like someone with a stroke. Literally; very similar.
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Meaning; Ive really only been able to go to 12 step meetings speak and ride mountain bikes most of the time.
My Mountain biking is what keeps me sane.
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Heres the point; Now; Im starting to rehabilitate; Im working with a better attitude about getting better; to learn how to get back in touch with society.
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Something happened when watching these TV shows of my past; and then I watched some dating channels on how to talk to women or date; And suddenly I realized I never felt anywhere near good enough about myself to date anyone. Im not sure I feel any different right now; But something happened.
Suddenly I felt connected; aligned with my worth and value and I said to myself; “ I can do this”; it was like I was connecting to my own independence…
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I was at that frequency again I remember when a kid growing and secretly believing in myself and my future and wanting my independence. And suddenly I felt it again. It happened; I connected… I connected to that person of the past; The me of the past that would grow independently. And felt really confidence and good enough about myself. I felt good about myself; suddenly confidence; like I walked into that frequency. And suddenly I said to myself; Im good enough to take a chance and see what happens. Im all good; I can do this; I can take this chance regardless of the outcome; Im good enough and Im worth it… but its more then this. Its like; Im somebody; I can do this… I felt good about myself.
And I don’t t...

[ Continued ]

by **OMNICELL** on Fri Aug 15, 2025 1:42 am

SO; Something has happened…
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I connected today with a women; I did something; I kind of flirting joking; a connection; Something that has never connected since age 14; and well; well before that; How I was when very young; ages 5-9…. My authentic self. My real growing self…
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So; I connected with my heart with things; I could not be in survival mode; or I was in control by taking chances; even if half the time I was in a heightened level of awareness.
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I remember this connective feeling when skiing as a child up on the Hill; the Ski Slopes…
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This connection came from God; it came from my inner being; But what was it really; what it really was;
It was the protected child deep down low coming out; feeling safe; feeling free; feeling practiced; and “ Bam”; A lightening bold right throw me to that girl; BAM; right to her heart; right from me. Like sending a lightening bolt right into a girls heart; and suddenly I felt it; I was completely back at a complete moment; like when I was a young child. BAM BAM BAM; And their it is; What Ive been working for; for the later half of my recovery process… And it happens; and it happened to today.

Moving forward….

Introvert to extrovert…

Its happened again; next level with women development

It happened again; another connection…

First Real connection of my new life developing...

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