July 2025
June 2025
So; some of the girls in this recent episode of my development; They are truly not my friends. I got played or worse. What ever that can be. They are cold as ice with me as if I never met them; they could care less who I am; if they ever see me again; Nothing. I was simply put in my place by them. I assume a game they were playing with other women in the group to push it and see if they could put me in my place. They are certainly not friends of mine.
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How do I feel; Nothing! Im not stupid enough to fall for those things. Would I did do was fall inline with my higher power and allow my higher power to send me in a direction; and it happened and I gained advantage and experience; It was like a quantum shift; what happened. With in a few weeks to a month. I became popular with many women; and thus was see by other women and noticed and some of them taking notice began to call me out. I; in my innocence; actually had no reason to believe anything other then; they were genuinely interested in me; They were not; they were cold heartedly playing me with absolutely no interest in ever talking to me or seeing me again. They could care less who I am or that they ever saw her heard me speak or ever met me for the short time they did.
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This is what I know. I have to slowly allow God to take me over into the next threshold. It is upon me.
Ill explain.
This girl that played me. She actually allowed me to gain some very important experience down my God Pathway toward my wife; but first toward opening up to the world and dating again. I came within the last moment of actually dating someone again after numerous years out of the circle of this kind of thing.
In order for me to date; I have to be back in; in with people; with society; back in with women; within the middle circle. And that is what is happening. God made it happen…
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However; I never was able to follow through; I never received another text and the person has never talked to me since; and appears to act like I have never met her… I can see the hostility and contempt in her face; a kind of anger and stern hatred of no interest for me.
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Ive stayed to my myself now; from that crowd. Im no longer around any of those people. Im not popular anymore; I literally dislocated myself from those people. And im not popular anymore.
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After all of this; other events occurred in a truly favorable manner… a real intimacy night with many of us in the recovery process sitting and talking about dating. It was truly God created. I was in shock this would ever happen for me; to feel “ IN” again like this; like feeling like I belonged to one big family.
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Then; ;later; a week later; I told the story of change. And another women spouted out; Hey I think Im going to the park and feed the ducks after the meeting. That would have been a cue for me to meet up with this other person and feed the ducks with her; thus establishing a kind of date. And that would have pulled me over into that world… Im that close… But I didn’t; I know the person. But just didn’t jump on that situation. Another will occur.
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So; Im in this place. God wants me to learn abundance! That means; theirs more then one girl on planet earth; I may have to learn what women have to deal with in life; Having numerous girl in waiting because I don’t know which will strike that match between us. I might try out several God has sent but for what ever reason; it never happens. And then finally with enough experience; Ill be so close to meeting the right one; having us at each others frequency; It may be in walking distance that I find her. But only at that point of experience.
Im now moving into the frame of area; meaning that new describe place where I take women to the park and we feed the ducks. What ever that may mean; but it means; the beginning of actual dating. And I believe Ill meet many women first and get lots of experience under God with this situation.
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Im at that drop off point. Its hard; it hurts; I have to move on. Its like someone on the shore or dock; and the boat is coming in to take me across the ocean to a new place of experiences; but I have to leave this last place and those I see behind. And thus; Im truly right on the edge of it.
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So; I pray and work with God on this. Amen… Ill be working hard on the prayer and meditation aspect of things.
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MOUNTAIN BIKING;
It seems when I start getting my life back together; my mountain biking picks up and is back in the realm of serous hobby situations; I start buying new mountain biking clothing; I lose weight and I head out and created new trail systems for myself around town finally ending up at the main mountain bike trails; local area; and experience that…. .
And its picking up because my relational experiences are moving so forward at a pace.
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So; here I am. Its truly kind of a broken lonely time right now. But I have a sponsor I work with. And I know friends on my side…
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Lots of prayer now and hope to get me to the next level of my new life.
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THE COLLEGE GUY IS ABOUT TO COME BACK;
Im becoming myself again; the college guy; the certificated Art intellectual again. Its really incredible. Because this is for year; Im reliving my life under God; and God has all control and all power in the universe; God is literally created a scenario of me living out what I would lived out if I had been a mentally loved and healthy 23 year old. Im stepping back into that; it has fallen into me as a quantum leap about to move forward; I can see it; the romantic aspect of it and my artistic sides.
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I will gain experience that will change me into a new way of thinking and send me down the energy river pathways onto closer of my new life… ever getting closer.
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Ive missed 40 years of my life. Im 40 years beyond but what an adventure right now as God takes control and resets the clock back to the middle 1980’s; but this time; Im healthy mentally; and experience and capable and not alone. I have mass support. Really..! And hobbies and many things. Several sponsors. Certainly any therapists I might need; but Ive not needed to go that rout for years…
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However; Im not there yet; Im heading toward that new place…. A place of being a sophisticated person again taking women out on dates to the park to feed the ducks; while the rest of my life is going very well as I actually am. Making things work where Im at. But whats most important is me becoming that sophisticated person again. This is truly mind blowing and; Im right their; all I have to do is fall into it.
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Trouble or challenges; Forgetting about some of the women who dist me. One of them I actually wanted to be around; its kind of heart rendering.
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However; God will teach me to believe in abundance and that reality of life; where he will bring me 30 women that I want to be around and talk to and get to know.
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I have noticed that when an eligible girl comes along; Im very bashful and reject her and just turn and run. I have to stop reacting like that and try to see myself with someone I actually am attracted to. Ill work with God on this; nothing scares me more…
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