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OMNICELL
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Posts: 1052
Joined: Tue Nov 15, 2011 5:06 am
Blog: View Blog (1930)
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- July 2025
Getting close to a new quantum leap into a new area of developme
   Mon Jul 21, 2025 2:45 am
So; I deal with my first interactive crisis
   Sun Jul 20, 2025 5:36 am
Dating support
   Sat Jul 19, 2025 6:12 am
Im a recovery person
   Thu Jul 17, 2025 4:19 am
The new message from God concerning women!
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Im Building a network support for dating...
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Setting the intention
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Wife; Family; Children; Marriage..
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I have to start over in 2025.
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The next goal is; Dating
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At this point Im a guy that is 40 years behind…
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Update to goals; second goals update…
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Search Blogs

A wall exists between me and the outside world

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Mon Jan 06, 2025 4:59 pm

A wall exists between me and the outside world where my goals are;
Here are my goals…
.
Wife
Money
House
Car
Talents
Hobbies
Education
Occupation
.
Some narratives exist and have been growing around these goals… So; there is energy movement around the environments of these goals. And movement exists within these goals… They are like plants with water and plant food and sunshine added daily; and there is growth going on and going on around them.
.
PROBLEM;
Dissociation; Anxiety disorder/ C-PTSD PTSD/ AVPD… Agoraphobia and so on… Clear sense of
Dysthymia depression; kind of a lingering long term depression for ever… In addition to defeatism and massive discouragement.
.
A Dissociative wall exists between myself and these goals. Its like Im in 2 different realities… I have been working on all of this for a long time; However; this wall remains and Im separated from whats on the other side.
My job is to get to the other sides of these things…
If I get to the other side of these things; that means I no longer think someone owes me anything and Ill assess my situation and go after it myself; I wont be waiting around for someone else to show up accept God is always with me; Ill continue to pray and work on new narratives for myself…
.
All of these problems keep me home bound and not trying something new; fear fright and horror….. anxiety and hatred and fear… deep terror and horror…
So; triggered PTSD…
.
And being cut off from my childhood and identity.
.
Ill get their…
.
Im making advancements on all fronts. However; this anxiety wall that is controlling me; its way over my head on all fronts; it looks like a giant solid 10 foot thick wall of concrete; it stops me and looms over me with its 25 foot height. Its a solid imposing wall… its a wall of control; I have to ask its permission to do anything… so it has total control over me…
.
So; that would be the wall to over come; and its linked to the past.
.
So; that wall needs to go down and everything associated with it; and all its intimidation…
.
As I said; my goals are on the other side of it…
.
And that is what I have to work on… And Ill keep working on this… as I do I get a little further inroad and I get stronger; This wall will come down at some point… And then Ill be splashed with reality And the reality of; I have my full like ahead of me; but with God help; Ill be earning what I need or want; amen… or how ever God wants to see it;
Ill be getting up to speed at the same frequency of what I want… Amen.

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
AVPD; Social avoidance
Previous/Psychotic clinical Depression
agoraphobia
obsessive/compulsive disorder
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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