July 2025
June 2025
Hard; Maybe Really; But not impossible…..
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Ive spent 2 years diligently working on dealing with relationships from the past that swamped me. Ive worked on it; almost numerous times during the waking hour of everyday; and Pause) And With Gods help; Conquered it. What does that mean. Well; For those in the past; As God has told me “ They aren't my friends. Stay away from them” Said the Universe! Because; that's been the problem the whole time. I was associating with people who were never my friends. My Goal was to make a friend; start with that. I lost direction of my own purpose and got caught up in things. I forgot; the main first goal and the most important goal was to make a friend first. In the end; I was trying to make friends with people who were not my friends and never wanted to be and never could be and never would be and would never know why they would want to be. They were repulsed by me. I kept choosing people to be my friends who did not want to be my friends…
The problem;
Did God send those people who did not want to be my friends; NO! But God might send me to a God Pathway when I got home. God would want me turning around from those people that were not my friends and walk away from them immediately; run away as fast as possible. Get out of there; Go home; start over. Dont spend a second on those creeps. God has said; Not only “ They are not my friends” “ He also said; “ don’t go near them anymore”…. These are 2 very valuable individual statements… Statements of learning to respect danger and respect evil; respect it enough to stay away from it…
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The first statement; “ They are not my friends”; This would suggest trouble. It suggests Ill continue to have problem with that person; it will never stop. It suggests this person cannot be friends with me; they are neither called or are attracted to nor are they interested in being my friend; nor are they appreciative of my friendship or my inner being. If the person is not interested in me: What am I doing around them. This statement also suggests my future; For I shall never have one with this person. The last part of the statement suggest something different; it suggests I separate from this person; that there is danger; Meaning danger to my health if I continue to be around them for any reason; something bad will happen. Something bad will happen immediately; Why? Because they are not my friends. When I hang out with people who are not my friends; bad things can happen; bad things happen. IF they are not my friends; come out from among them and be on my way. Do not linger in uncharted waters….
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I thought I could make someone into a friend. I cant develop something that doesn’t exist. That's why not everyone is suppose to be close with each other.. Only certain people… I was finding the wrong people for my inner circle and I was being betrayed and destroyed because of it.
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Ive gotten the message now.. Stay away from people who are not my friends.
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Tonight had an insight thrown at me that turned my head. I really thought about this. I was talking to someone about going to meetings all the time and then going home with no life in between; How I needed to get a life.
And then we were talking about working through past old relationships. And something slipped out as I was talking… I said; “ I could have been married all my life; since my 20’s. ( paused)That shocked me.
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I thought; “ What did I say”? I said; I could have been married all my life since the age of 20 if I wanted to. I did not suggest I couldn’t be married; I suggested; I could be married if I wanted to be. I had to stop and really think hard about this one…
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Ive claimed all my life it was impossible for me to be in any relationships; Is that true… because tonight I suggested I didn’t want to be. It suggested I could if I wanted to be.
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The road is hard to relationships but not impossible.
The road is truly hard to relationships if your me. But not impossible.
Im soft; Im soft in those areas I need to be as hard as a steal ship if I want relationships. Ive been undeveloped all my life in these areas.
When I was very young I read comic books. I would fantasize in them; hide in them. I was maybe 6-8 years old. I don’t remember ever coming out of that fantasy state. I never grew up. I never developed into someone who had relationships…
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That one girl; she never existed! Thank God I know!
The one girl I liked; was a deathtrap. I was naive and innocent and I walked into the arms of a monster; more a criminal minded sociopath or psychopath. This was no friend of mine. This person was not interested in me; only in destroying anyone dumb enough to open up anything personal to her of my status level and nature. This was not a friend of mine. This; this was not a relationship or situation ship or a friendship. This was a crime; And I was criminalized and that's all. And this would stop when I left and never came back. No one ever came to me. And no one cared that I left. Its like I walked into a building with a bunch of criminals; got beat up and thrown out… And their it is… This never turned into anything physical and it never turned into a friendship… It never got that fare. In reality; it was over before it started because it was the wrong person to associate with; they were dangerous… Not someone to ever spend any time around. Unfortunately; I will have to learn this the hard way.
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So; Ive never had any real relationships ever. Nothing… Ive also never developed any.. And Ive never put a priority on this issue where I had to find decent people to date or become friends with… I never did this; I never looked for people that would take me seriously. Not the right people.
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Altho its hard; I believe its possible to be involved in relationships. I believe its possible because I just spent 2 years working on getting over an overwhelming past and I did it with Gods help.
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Early in life; I stopped believing In love or finding someone for love…
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I stopped believing anyone out there could love me or would love me. However; that doesn’t mean it cant happen or I cant work toward it happening for myself; I never worked toward it happening for myself.
Its hard; but it can be done.
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My problem has been; That specif area of development for conquering relationships, is soft with no strength. However; I got strengthened this last few years from working on the past with success; I can feel it. Now; Im wondering what else I can do to strengthen this area of relationships. Thats what I will be working with God.
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And I will say; IT was brutally hard to take on the tasks of the last few years concerning facing the people of the past and working through the traumas caused by them and moving on; Facing the realities of those situations the way they really were… very very tough stuff. But I did it with Gods help.
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Now; Id like to know what the next level of development is for strengthening that line of relationship ability and resilience.
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Ill be working with God on it.
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Past relationships worked through; What did God tell me. “ She wasnt your friend” “ stay away from her; stay away from people like this”…
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Go to my God Pathway to manifest what I want!
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WORK is the corner stone of my goals…
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Im getting better;
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Im now on a beginning writing journeys
Im now on a beginning music journey
Im now on a beginning Art journey
All creating journeys…
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GETTING FAT: NOT A JOKE.
When will I do something about this…
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Talk a little bit about the Art creation situation. Its all turned into an Art writing music creation journey; What does that mean…
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It means Im taking responsibility for what I can and cant do; the skills needed. I have many skills to learn.
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Work Ethic is needed please…
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