July 2025
June 2025
New basic Blog areas….. into the future
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A new dawn…
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Relationships
Activities…
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Dissociative disorder and how it has affected me; and what needs to be worked on…
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Concerning women of the past…
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NoTE: In my writings today; Im not suggesting the women I was interested in were safe or someone I should even give a chance at dating. Some of the women I liked turned out to be horrible horrible pathological entitled people. They were sinister and with no remorse… Showed no empathy at all. Am I suggesting those are people I should date; certainly not. I will have to work with God on my choice of type of people I really want to associate with… Ill need a much nicer decent set of people to associate with. However; regardless; Im suggesting in general that no one owes me anything if I didn’t or could not ask them for what I want. Expecting strangers who don’t know Im having problems; and feeling they will save me is not a good strategy plan. Its better for me to take some responsibility and walk to the therapists office and work on my problems with that therapist…
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concerning a girl I would be interested…
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Did I ask her out; No!
Did I tell her how I feel; No!
Did I tell her I liked her; No!
Did I tell her Im interested in her; NO!
Did I make a pass at her; NO!
Did I ask her out for a date; Not friend just friend friend date; but Girl/boy Date; romantic date; NO!Did I ask her out but not make a pass at her; not letting her know what I wanted or that I was interested in having a girlfriend? Yes… meaning! I asked her out but did nothing; but never explained why. I wanted to develop a friendship with her; once that was
did I tell her Im a bumb and funked out my whole life but she is worth the fight and I don’t want to lose her.
Did I ask her for help. Did I tell her the truth about me; and ask her for help and that I didn’t want to lose her…
Did I ask her out to be my girlfriend; to be steady with her; or did I ask her to marry me?
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NO!
NO on all questions.
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So I asked sunny Jesus; I said to Jesus in heaven; I talked to God; and God answers me in many ways…
God answered me…
I said to God; she is a witch. She was not with me nor cared about me; I meant nothing to her; How was I was suppose to take any relationship serious with her…
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And Gods answer “ Omnicell” “ You did not have any relationship with these women” You never started one. SO; you never had one; THEY OWE YOU NOTHING!
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From God; “ If you never told them how you felt Omnicell; and if you never told them the truth of where your actually at in life so you could ask them for help; and if you never explained to them that you wanted a relationship with them; but you needed to talk to them first about what is going on in your life”; if you did not explain why you weren’t moving forward with them; They owe you nothing because you don’t have an established relationship with them”. THEY OWN YOU NOTHING>
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IF I don’t have an established relationship with them; They are perfect strangers… It goes no further. Ill have to tell her certain things… communicate somehow that I authentically want a relationship and ask for one or be willing to talk to her about it; if one wants to try and move things along to a romantic ( One has to ask) relationship. Feeling something for someone is not enough; seeing potential in someone is not enough. If I want a relationship with someone; I have to ask for it. If they say no; then I have to leave. Go back to God and start over.
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Most of my work dealing with the past is about clearing out what I thought and what they did and who they were; and what I did or didn’t do or who I am or who I am not… My short comings; their short comings.
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However; a giant wall that is apparent that cant be erased. Regardless of the person; if I don’t communicate what I want and ask for it; They cant owe me anything. If Im in an established relationship; Then I can ask for more.. If im not in a relationship with the person; They are little more then strangers. I cant ask a stranger for anything; I don’t have a relationship with them.
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When It comes to women; I am the gate keeper of relationships; I decide Yes/No; on who I might be interested in bringing into a relationship; However; to open the gate; to allow someone to come in if they want; I must tell them I want to open the gate to a relationship if they are interested. But I must communicate. If I do not; they owe me nothing. If I never talk to someone; And never tell them Im interested in having a relationship with them or I want a romantic date from them; How would they know…
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What if I cant tell them or communicate to them; Well fair enough; But the women Im interested in is not responsible. She has nothing to do with it.
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Do I have a problem; Yes! And I must seek help; but not from the same girl Im interested in… I must seek outside help; start with a therapist.. This is not a some strangers problem. This problem is inside of me and needs outside help with the proper agencies of help.
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Ive had times I thought it was the womens fault and responsibility to help me; the one I liked; But how can that be; She is a stranger; I never asked for a relationship; so I don’t have one with her. Chances are I don’t have a friendship with her because that takes just as much work and communication as a romantic relationship. And if I could not tell her how I felt or ask her out; whats the point; I have no established relationship with her; and thus; She is a stranger. Why would I think I can take my problems; real problems like this to a stranger; They are not a strangers responsibility. She owes me nothing.
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I need to seek professional help.
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The point is I have a major dissociative communicative problem that will affect me in all social reality based situations. The solution is not more failed attempts to start relationships; Instead; How about a good psychologist for help.
I learned this the hard-way…
If I never asked her out; she is not my girlfriend… She is not my girlfriend until I ask for her to be my girlfriend and she wants to… My friendship with her was not established either because I could go no further in communication with her to establish it or its purpose.
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NOTE: Many times I thought women should be like a neighborhood sister; Or a sister in my family; They should read me like a book; and understand my problems and try to pri me open and help me. However; Women that are strangers to me; women I have no established relationship with; These are not sisters from my childhood or neighborhood when I was a kid; These are strangers who owe me nothing. They are not suppose to show up and diagnose my problems and be my therapist. Why? Because I have no relationship established with them.
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NOTE: The whole problem is; the major problem is establishing a relationship; Asking for one. That is the problem. If that is the problem; The only people I can go to help for this problem are professionals unless Ive got a real bother or sister or friend or established friend or something that wants to help; That I can add to the raster for help.
Im trying to make a point; Strangers I have not established a relationship with owe me nothing.
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And I need not take anything back to these people. Instead; start over by getting counseling. I joined allot of 12 step groups to go with it… Got a re established relationship with a higher power through those 12 step groups.
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ACTIVITIES:
Music;
Music Music Music!
What I have to learn; I love love love creating music; I am a natural Music creator;performer. Im sensitive to it; Yet Ive fought it all my life as believing its a nowhere going set of abilities.
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Now; I have a different perspective. The music is in my blood my heart soul and everywhere else within me. Its a brutal calling.
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In this life I should get really good with music and making music all the time.. That means its kind of an outgrowth of me. Its not about money; its about my inner identity. As a part of my natural life; not something I depend on or not depend on for my livelihood or social. Im all about music creation and being in that world; its so natural for me. So; it needs to be the for front of my interests all my life. Im not suggesting it get in the way of any other interest. I want to have several interests.
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MONEY, CAREERS And such… Well ; This is another area doomed for me all my life. Dissociative disorder; not being in reality any longer. I was severely mentally ill; never being able to work; going nowhere in confusing job choices that were going nowhere.
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However; its the same problem I had with women… I could not go beyond a certain lack of personal development. Developmental; trauma disorder; lack of maturity So…. I could not connect nor start anything I wanted to start…
No one seemed to care what happened to me or what had happened to me.
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WHERE IM AT NOW:
Im slowly losing my resentments for a world that never understood….
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I want to take responsibility for learning how to build my life; get back on my feet again . Learn to accept my problems and work with them.
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GOD PATHWAY:
Im all into meditation and walking down that God Pathway first concerning my interests; manifesting my interests through Goal; my desires.
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I have a lot of work to do to grow up from the emotional age 6… Its all Good; God will guide and help me and help bring the right people who are helpers and severs to get me nurtured and matured and back on my feet again. I go through God today; not some stranger up the street…
Our partner
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