July 2025
June 2025
Its virtually impossible to create anything in the apartments Im in. I cant even write. Meaning; using computer keyboard. Because of he clicking sounds that are coming from the keyboard. Im not sure what to do about it. I don’t know…
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Ive called the landlord. No complaints so far. But that not just the problem. Im an intelligent person; I don’t want to go through this on a daily basis.
If I open the window; its that much worse. The keyboard is heard even more..
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The goal I have is to be numerous types of artist. Meaning; Drummer; writer, computer musician; Artist.
Even the click sounds of guitar bother people above me… This is when muffled. Is it their fault; No!
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So; I turn to God. Im on housing and Im not sure what to do… Or where to go. I don’t know…
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I almost think the universe does not want me to play or perform any artist stuff; nothing!
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Im seriously not sure what to do here. Non of this is making any sense for me.
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Im not sure where God wants me or doing what.
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Im mean; it seems to me like Im in some kind of foreign country. I cant do anything in my own country; its like being in a prison cell.
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Goal;
First; its not the other people in the building. I mean. Its the building; Its not even made for someone to use any kind of computer keyboard. Im on housing. What do I do… Not write.. Not play and sing guitar; not drum… No piano.
Its the pounding from the keyboard or the pick running across the strings; especially the lower ones…
Drumming is obvious.
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However; where does this leave me. I feel like this is telling me to stop all creative endeavors; let them go; Stop imagining Im going to get a drum room so I can drum; or a place to play acoustic guitar and sing; Just stop; get another hobby. Or typing and creative writing; get another hobby…
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It was never my intent to cause problem for the person above me or next to me; I just don’t know what to do….
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The idea is; I imagine Im in a new place or building or home and Im creating in it. And it will appear; the opportunity.
Im suppose to take action; I don’t know what action;. Im not getting any signals. Nothing..
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I don’t know what direction.
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Im sick of this; concerning housing; its been this way all my life… Nothingness. No way to create; but Im a creative person.
Suicide or alcohol was my choice before living in this society.
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I don’t have any answers for solutions for a practice room. Im an old man. And I don’t want to work with God to wait 15 years before I get a practice room
It just keeps telling me that the universe is telling me to STOP.
I don’t get this.
I like creating; Im stopped on all fronts…
I just wish I know the answers; I can turn to my inner bing and ask and I have but I get no answers on any fronts in front of me.
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Im at a real cross roads.
What Id like is an answer from The universe on what to do… what direction to God.
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One possibility is a more dedicated attitude. Realizing I can do nothing about this apartment I live in; Moving to another one solves nothing. I guess. Ive been through this before; over n over n over…
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Insane all of this.
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Whats really got me bugged is; Does the universe want me to CREATE or not! This is insane… insanity.
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I wait upon God for my requests. I havent given up; The problem is; I mean; No drumming means; all things future drumming are over. If I cant drum.
Creating music stops. I mean; what does this mean…
Art work can continue; but its not the same if the rest of me cant mature…
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Im trying to develop and mature. Im trying wondering when God is going to save me here. I feel so stuck…
I don’t know the direction.
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Ive got prayers that help.
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Im right in the middle of this stuff…
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I don’t know what to do…
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I wait upon God;
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Here is a prayer I use from God. From one of my groups. Its the 4ths step prayer…
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I am to sit quietly when in doubt; Asking only for Direction and strength to meet my problems; never am I to pray for myself; except as my requests bore on my usefulness to others. Then only might I expect to receive.. But that would be in great measure…
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NOTE: Im going to have to learn to get on my knees; learn to let go and let God. And really try this experiment.
I don’t like being cut down; my whole identity. I want to go beyond it; thats what Im trying to figure out now through God…
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The solutions; focus on the solutions not the problems; but this aint fun and life aint fun like this. Never has been never will be..
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I have to bow down to my higher power and have my higher power materialize the results of where Im suppose to be or whom.
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The next level is a trust in God to get beyond all of this somehow…
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That I believe in Gods plan more for me then someones else.
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I have to take a break and then begin the great experiment. Trusting and believing God will deliver me from all of this…
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Its scary and I loose hope really quick.
“ God; what do you want me to do”
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