July 2025
June 2025
Stabilization; Going to my Home again…
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When I was very young and lived in a neighborhood; I had a certain kind of life built up; it was basically private; I kept it to myself; Somewhere between 4 ½ to 9 years old.. I would have continued if I not been thrown away…
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Think of a Christmas show; How a child feels when their watching a Christmas show…
That feeling of fantasy… or being; or being in that moment.. How that feels…
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The few years I had as a small child; I built a network for myself… A little one; out in the neighborhood I lived in… I loved my life for a few years when young.
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After brutal amount of years of recovery work of all sorts. I woke up this morning and felt it. It felt the same way for me.. I felt I could return to that neighborhood and probably walk around and feel the same way… And that is what Ive been working for all this time; to come back to myself before others got in the way and tried to separate myself from myself and God…
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I felt it when I woke up; It was authentic; and In my imagination I could see myself as that little kid; me being myself again. No blocks… Nothing… As if I had come back to myself. Considering the amount of work guidance and instruction from the recovery process; I earned it. Its real. I got what I earned. And Ive been working with the universe God Jesus On this for a long time…
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Its a gift for following Jesus… Its a gift for trusting God. Its a gift for turning to the Universe for help. This is how the Universe gives gifts. The Universe gives me myself back from when I was very young.
Now that Im back to this point; What ever that means; I wont ever go backward. No one can take it from me. I earned it on a giant traversing trail thrust in the middle of a journey from where I was at to back under Gods care; Gods Pathway…
I was told by God to let go of all things and I shall enter beneath Gods care again; as I was when I was a boy; I said yes; I will try. And with Gods help; it has happened. Everything is gone… The only thing that remains is my relationship with God and my full bright beginning life as a child before the dark horrors came…
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So; Under God; I am able to enter Gods city again; the city of the inner child… Im centered back now…
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What does this mean. I don’t know yet! Its like saying; Im able to feel like Im me again in my old neighborhood; I have my sense back like I did in my old neighborhood. Im back. I can imagine Im walking around in my old neighborhood; but what does it mean. And it means Im myself again restored feeling wize. Ive still got my pych problems; but the other side of me; the emotional side.. The side where I own me; where Im me again; innocent under God… Me again; feeling safe to remember my dreams. Not there yet… However, getting their…
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What does the future hold. Ive been working for many things for a years and years and this was one of them. To be able to imagine I walk my old neighborhood and Im me again while walking the neighborhood. Like Im back with an old friend on to sides; Im my old friend and my neighborhood is my old friend. Getting myself back again…
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Where do I go from here.
First; Pray meditation. Start writing goals I always wanted to accomplish when I was a boy..
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GOD Pathway….
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I guess; experience on a daily basis what this all means and go with it; start living again like when I was young?? What does that mean; I will let the spirit of God lead me.
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Amen
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