August 2025
July 2025
Strange things occurring… or new social developments.
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The one thing missing from my life is and always has been a girlfriend. That is someone that is a women that is a friend; best friend.. who I can rely on and love and care about.. and connect with… Is just been non existent my whole life.
It could be Ive not been around the right people.
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What ever the reason; Im a sensitive intelligent person; Im creative. No one is interested… never have been… Nothing…
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Most of the people Ive practiced on socially are in 12 step groups; and they are not the nicest people. Not the kinds of groups I go to. Lots of sociopaths and narcissists; so many things are based on looks in those places. Im old now…
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I believe God has at-least one person in mind for me…
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Ive had no one who is at the same level of my personality. No one even cares about my personality; nothing… No connection to the human race; nothing… No one. This does not make any sense to me….
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Im working with God on this right now… Im learning how to love again maybe this might help; I don’t know.
I do not believe God made me to be alone…
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Ive practiced with people in these meetings; mainly being played conned and manipulated.. Fair enough; not my cup a tea.
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Ive had women far far below my level of frequency act like they have an equal chance with me when they have no chance at anything…
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Ive been scared to venture out into the open world; Now; Im a bit less scared…
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Im not sure what level of people Im suppose to be around; but they need to be intelligent and sensitive. Ive had no money… and Ive used that as an excuse; but things are different because Im working with God. But still; I feel like Im going out into a hostile world.
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I feel like Im going out into a world where Ill be hated and rejected and scorned and laughed at. I have to imagined there are people out there that want to hook up with me as a boyfriend; God is sending the right women for this…
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I feel like Im not enough; like I don’t even qualify. No money; no house, no car… I cant let this stop me; but I live in a land of shallow people I feel.
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I can be convinced that this world does not want me… anything to do with me; thats the way its always been… They didn’t like Jesus either…
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Still; Everyone I meet; many of them are way way way way way way out of my league; to a point; it seems like they are all rich and spoiled or something. I don’t even qualify. Being a human being seems to mean nothing.
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So; I have my level of fears and humiliation.
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I guess I have to want it bad enough in Gods eyes to be at that frequency… I guess.
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I guess you have to be a Billionaire to have a girlfriend these days. ..
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Ill have to tuff it out and work with God…
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Im getting to a point where the 12 step groups are not needed for this.. they are; I mean; potentially for family like people; so Im not alone; but Not for dating… Mainly because Ive already learned what I have to learn to show Im coming back socially again.
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If no one sees me as long term relationship material; Im around the wrong people. Im scared to death that the right people would never accept me… So; Ill have to work with God on this…
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I would think a sensitive intelligent nice real person authentic would be attractive to people; Ive not found that to be the case; They are more interested in thugs either from jails or rich sociopaths with constant money flow.
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I will continue to work with God. Technically Ive never been around anyone that cared about me ever.. nothing! Zero….. Those are not the kind of people I want to bring into my life.
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Im scared that the kind of people I want to bring into my life are way way way out of my league… They have found quality people that bring in several hundred thousand dollars a year in finance. Im out of luck is the way it feels. But I have to work with God on it.
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Something is missing; Im not getting appreciated by anyone… Its more like I get judged and spit in the face through prejudice of one form or another.
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I can ask God what I need; at times it seems all Ive had was love once; thats all I had to offer and those that fell under its spell seemed to recent me because I wasnt the shallow minded rich football player they were looking for…
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Im scared that everyone is looking for a stabled rich guy; no personality needed…
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Ill have to work with God on all of this. Getting more confident is the goal now; and trusting and working with God…
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Thats where Ill start…
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