July 2025
June 2025
Delusional Thinking...
Well; Ive been working on this for a long while. This is associated with past people I had delusional thinking concerning; where I was interested in them but they seemed to not have the same interest...
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God has let me know that.. From their perspective " Dont go there" That is the answer the universe gave me... Dont go there... Meaning; Its not a matter of who may have liked me or not; Those people were never suppose to be in my radar in the first place; EVER!~
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I was never suppose to meet them in the first place. What does that mean. Its not that Im just a victim or something; I was; But what it means is; I was victimizing myself because I was going down the wrong pathway into someone else private life that had no knowledge I was going to show up around them; and they never asked for me to show up around them; they never thought about it or wanted me to show up around them. I was not suppose to go there!
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Its not about the other person. ITs about the whole view of this denial. This delusional denial.
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How do I say this; Its like looking at a bunch of red flags that say; DONT GO HERE! And this long before I take the first steps forward. No one had invited me.
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Its like going up a hill to a neighborhood Ive never seen before; Its like knocking on a door of a strangers house who is having success and a successful party in the backyard and I lie to get in and crash the party. And then I get mad when I get thrown out.
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Im not suppose to get mad at being thrown out. I was never suppose to go their in the first place; or even think about going into that neighborhood in the first place. I was never suppose to think their was anything in that neighborhood. However; God resently added a new twist; " I was never suppose to know about a neighborhood to go into...
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Here is another view of this... I asked God about certain people of my past; Ive been working with God for a long time on this... Finally an interesting thought. How could I like these people; How could I; if they didn't have my basic values... ANd the answer was; From God was; ITs the other way around. THey would not have had any interest in me! And thus; would have never been thinking about me... ever!~ THey would not have missed someone they would have never had a reason to meet. So; when I take full responsibility for ever starting this project in the first place; its all placed back on me. I was never suppose to start a process that would include these people in the first place. MY God! they never asked to know me; They had their own lives... They will live fine without ever meeting me. They were never suppose to meet me!
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What does this mean; It means I started it; I started this problem. When I work with God for an understanding of closure; I never needed the actual person( those that rejected me)back in my life to finish this; I was able to work with techniques and GOd and support groups to finish this. In a real way; I finish this because I started this... No one else started this; this whole thing Got started out of my imagination or compulsion. No one else is going to finish it and put a stop to it but me... I involved strangers that never asked to be a part of this..
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I knew if I kept at it Id get the answer Im looking for. And I got it... And it was an interesting answer. And it had nothing to do wtih the other person... Perfect; it was hard to acquire and it was very difficult to get to this point; It took tremendous amount of work... The answer was not easy; but do able and OKE...
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THe answer was not personal. I was never suppose to start this process toward including strangers in the first place...
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I am free to pursue My direction of my values now!
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And; what I really wanted; was to be set free onto my own basic pathway... God pathway.
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And I knew Id be in the bowling league level not the Ivy league level. This means I kind of start out with nothing but what I have. Im not able to think Im going to be accepted at the high end country clubs of life. Because I never came from that or earned that. What it means; I dont have to worry about what the important people of the world think of me because I wont be invited around them. Now I know this; Im not in delusion about it...
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Today kind of live in the real world...
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These people I felt hurt me; are passed tense... THey hold no value with me anymore one way or the other; they are just strangers I kind of showed up around who never wanted me to show up around... Never sent any signals to the universe for a guy like me to show up around...
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SO; where does that put me today! I start over with only what I have where Im at. I have no delusions about accepting I cant attract important people... I dont care about important people...
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WORK ETHIC;
Ill get allot more out of my life concentraiting on work ethic then anything else right now.
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My work ethic is opening up a bit... I have a very long way to go. Ill pray about everything.
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FAT; Being over weight and old; Dont know yet..
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