July 2025
June 2025
Social ability opening up a bit; showing future promise
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Before I dealt with First Love; I had become popular for a few months in school at the time; social ability promising; unfortunately; nothing more. SO; it was like I was coming back to life from complete trauma. It started with social; I appeared to be coming back socially around others my own age; not everyone; but I was able or willing to latch on to some others and try to survive was working.
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At some point one of those was a girl who lived up the street; FIRST LOVE. Unfortunately she was a spiritually and psychologically diseased human being; A psychopath in my opinion or sociopath with psychopathy tendencies… When that was unearthed; it was over; I was destroyed crushed and felt humiliated and worthless. I thought; “ My God; I cant even make a friend. I cant even find a decent person to be friends with” “ Is this my fault; is this an example of my lack of worth in society; No one wanted me or wanted anything to do with me. I was a loser; a failure who could not find one friend; or any one decent to associate. All I ever did was attract sociopaths… I just gave up; I turned into a reverted 6 year old and mentally broke from reality into massive depression. And gave up. Just gave up.
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However; Now; after many years of work and getting over FIRST LOVE… With an understanding; this was just another who should have been on a crime channel on YouTube; I was the victim; I finally understood; this was not personal nor about me. This was a bad person and I needed to get away from them; its that simple; crush; no future; I did…
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So; Now; many centuries later; Ive worked with others to get over this… and I have or I am. Ive gotten over it enough. Im well on my way past all of this. Its like I just buried the last remains of my infected conscious and dysfunction and troubled delusion of staying guard for this person all these years… Now; out of desperation; Ive faced enough of this to know I was dealing with evil; and it had nothing to do with me… Im a decent person; I needed to get out of there as fast as possible. Now after much detective work I understand what happened in general and what was going on at that time.
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BONUS: Now; I know my identity before this event. God has allowed me to remember who I am back several years before I met this person; And that is my new identity now. And I remember the kind of girl I wanted to meet at that time. I had no one; I was completely alone… No parents… I remember I wanted to meet someone that was at the same frequency of myself; a nice girl who lived next door; not someone particularly pretty; Just average introvert; nice girl; Family girl…
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I believe FIRST LOVE: was a counterfeit or impostor; A sociopath playing people to try to destroy them; play with them; lead them on; treat decent regular people like objects for the thrill of it; no conscious; nothing; Im talking about a serious minded sycophant. This type of monster will not be growing out of this. They will remain with these sociopathic sadistic tendencies as an Anti social personality disorder. This was not a friend of mine; this was someone who stepped in and replaced what I was looking for innocently in people; This was a trouble maker; criminal minded bad Apple. Sinister… Anti social pathological liar.
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I had no idea this monster has slipped into the space while I was looking for an actual nice girl to be with… I never saw it coming…
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Im now moving on from it.. And My abilities for right thinking and socializing are suddenly starting to show signs of promise again.
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I was popular with people once; and maybe I can get some of that back. It appears that part of me is feeling safe enough and starting to come out of its shell a bit. Im starting to be my old self again; well; not yet. But signs are showing up.
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Now that I know of the crime against me in that situation; I am simply moving on as fast as I can into a new life set up by God. Im over the top on this; over on the other side now. This monster is now found out; this sociopath fraud… So; I can now bury my history on this; leaving it behind because Ive already gone through it with a fine tooth comb… And God with others help has helped me discover who that person really was; and what really happened here.
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Im so excited and glad to know the real me again; just a normal quiet kid when I was young; introvert. Just a decent normal innocent kid who liked to be at home allot; all the time… and who wanted to be meet a nice girl from another nice family that no one really pays much attention to; just a regular normal person. And now; Now I can see that because I am that person again before I met FIRST LOVE>
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So; Im showing promising signs of opening up socially again because Im back; Im not under all the pressure and history dealing with that other person from the past. I truly had no idea what was going on. Now I know what was going on then; sinister and sickening…
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Ive looked at my role in it numerous times in 12 step work and other constructive situations.
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So; Im already kind of free and starting again emotionally… .
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Freedom… Hurrah!
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So; Im showing signs of opening up now.. Just little bit; but its happening… slowly but its also happening right now. Im different then I used to be… Im like; free… Im still damaged; but free from the past. I can be myself again…
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Its a start…
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GOD;
SO; The goal was to meet a new soulmate from my Laws of attraction work started 10 years ago. However; Under Gods orders; I would have to get over the people of the past; let go of my desire for them; what ever or who ever they were… Could have been best friend; could have been a girl I wanted to marry who was larger then life. Regardless those around me were all criminal minded people and families; I never knew until it was 2 late. That was all the type of people I was attracting; I never knew why!
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So; here I am…
And my personality is showing signs of a person who has let go of the past and has nothing else but his free self now! And Im immediately showing changes in my social situation; Im more present; Im looking forward at people and more trustworthy or trusting; more friendly more able to go do things with people and be present with them.. Why not be present with them. Ive worked through all the other fake people of the past that were stealing my attention in my heart and mind… Not anymore; because the lies about those people have been found out; Im no longer fooled on who they were.
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Now; after escaping those rotting people; I have safety and securely made a way to a new life where I can start growing freely again; starting from scratch; starting right now; starting now… with no past; I made a decision to get rid of those people from my minds and hearts; the bad people of my past; and Ive worked on it for numerous years and several years and with the help of many people and God is following through.
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Now Im free’r, much free’r. As if was never caught in anything bad in the first place; its wonderful brilliant thing.
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So; Its just started for me. Not everything is clear sailing and Im still not out of the grave yard yet. Im still morbid and delusional. Im dissociated from reality legally so I don’t have all my Ducks together a row; but things are much better now.
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