July 2025
June 2025
One major problem; My standards are so low; its like Im living on the streets with no goals... zombie man.
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If my standards are so low I dont want or have to have a vehicle and thus I dont get a job or have relationships so I dont have to have one; Ill never have one.
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I dont have girlfriends because my life style doesnt demand it; I can live with nothing and everything is OKE... I mean; no accountability. Its a horribly low standard.
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I was at 2 meetings tonight;
At the first meeting I made friends with a women;
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At the second meeting I sat by a women that used to like me but was not good for me...
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AT THE SECOND MEETING: THE 8;00 MEETING:
NOTE; Something new has cropped up; Im making new friends. and Im making new women as friends. Im asking for their friendship . That means many things. and can lead to many things; The one thing it leads to is more communication with women that are my friends; a kind of closerness. It also means they are my wings girls..
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My real friends; I ask them for their friendship and we shake hands over it. Its a kind of bond kinda the old fashioned way. It means something. And that happened tonight with someone because I asked her to be my friend. I kind of made it official.
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What does it really mean?
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IT MEANS IM MOVING ON: MY OLD FREINDS ARE GONE; Thats what it means... !
It means my friends from the beginning of my life are no more; Im making new ones; it means the past is gone...
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It hurts really bad; I really hurts bad... but its also exciting kind of... IT just horrible. I have to trust GOd... ALl I ever wanted was to just go home.
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AT THE FIRST MEETING: THE 6;30 MEETING!
A WOMEN I COULD HAVE MARRIED;
and probably would have; but I stopped it all before it started; sat by her tonight. it was not pleasant.
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TONIGHT AT ONE OF THE MEETINGS:
She is not my friend. And Im starting to realize she would have had anyone that was strong or playing the strong man role; she would have taken any of them. She was standing next to a guy tonight playing that fake role and I could tell by the way she was had her arm around him; end of meeting... I could just tell. I realized; I was never that important to this person; not that I didnt all ready know; but GOd had to show me in some way... But it was hard. I was sicken'd being around her and it brought up vile feelings and memories of a bad time when young pulled away from my original home. However, that means its pulling up past memories for me to work out; I have to trust GOd... I did pray about it; aligning with the vortex... the Holy center of God; the inner sphere of GOd with the holy spiritus of Jesus Chrstus Amenus.... Goduse.
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The point is; It was hard to just sit so close to her. God had to tell me. SHE IS MARRIED TO SOMEONE ELSE: BACK OFF...
I was kind of rebellious and for no reason because; She is not mine. Nothing exists here; I must remember this.
I also was informed by the universe; I suffer from Fantasy thinking problems. I think about the other person; fantasize about who they are; what I want them to be; and how I wanted a relationship to work; when in reality; I forget Ive never talked to them. its all in my head including their answers to me. SO; the real person; I have no idea what they actually think of me or if they are thinking of me; and I realized; I doubt it; I doubt this person is as stable as I think they are or ever were and I doubt they are thinking such nice thoughts about me. I dont think they are nice people... I have to remember that. I dont think they think much of me at all. ITs all a game to them; and theyve always had a hard time defining a higher power; meaning; they are from the "WE ARE OUR OWN HIGHER POWER CLUB".
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I have a tendency to create both people in my head "ME and THEm"; and imagine what they must feel about me concerning how I could feel about them; but of course I never run it by them because I dont have a relationship with them.
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I think it might be safe to say this women is not a friend of mine and does not think about me the way I was thinking about her. SHe is not my friend and in the future; dont spend anytime around her.
Let God bring new people to me. In fact; thats whats happening.
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FRIENDSHIP:
The fact I can establish new friends by stopping and asking them for friendship is a huge deal. ANd the fact I can tell them they are really cool people is another thing. Giving compliments to them. So; part of my social is growing in the real world... Ill keep working with Jesus Christus Universal Omni Aqua manus christorious; GOd of us in the houze us.... Dig!@!!
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FROM THE FIRST MEETING: THE WOMEN I SAT BY THAT IS NOT MY FRIEND;
I WAS WRITING ABOUT THIS WOMEN EARLIER TODAY: THE ONE I WAS SITTING NEXT TO TONIGHT;
I was writing about her; this women and I felt love for her when I was writing about her; but tonight I think it was clarified by Jesus that she would take or express love to any man that was strong enough or popular enough in any group that is established as the main leader in the group... I saw that tonight and maybe thats what I was suppose to see; God sending me to see the truth; puts light on many things... She could have never been a friend of mine; never happen. The problem is; Im hanging around the wrong people.
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I havent talked to much about standards.
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I Was a loser and a bum and didnt care about living; I didnt care anymore about dating or being around women ever again; I didnt care about being around any new friends; didnt want any after what those fake original friends did to me; they were never my friends. However, I owe some of them amends for the way I acted around them; always remembering to keep my side of the streets clean because I can always walk away at that point. I wont go looking for the person; Ill acknowledge them through writing to GOd bout them in a 4th step format.
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THe key is; I must become what I am looking for in the kind of people I want to associate with. And I must ask God to bring people to me to practice.
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I have ideas of the kind of person I am and would like to be. Ill keep working with God on this..
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It will take practice... and Ill pray about this. And verbal interactions with people.
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