July 2025
June 2025
The work ethic Im looking for; Im starting to become aware of; in music; it is a great challenge. The work ethic itself is the challenge; not the music... Well; THe music is a challenge as well; but the work ethic is the depth and the real point of view.... This is where the work is; in praying and working with God to refine understand and develop the work ethic...
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The music work ethic consists of several sections.....
1. Creation of the piece
2. Finishing of the piece
3. learning and memorizing the piece
4. Performing the piece...
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These are all different colors; different shades of the work ethic. As one can see; lots of work here; I mean; there is a lot of work ethic involved with one piece of music; it is a process; much like making beer I think. Thats a funny kind of example but it kind of fits...
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So; No reason to speed it all up and have it done quickly; Instead; its better to understand that it must be done slowly and thoroughly... Its much like creating Art; getting out pencils and paper and lots of erasers or using the computer with art program; Lots of erasing and redoing and re calculating and re drawing all the time; lots of revision and re editing. No big deal; its all part of the process. It is the Art process... THe goal is not time... The goal is the finished piece...
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I was brainwashed into thinking I was suppose to feel like I was tortured to create something; Now I know better... I would rather have a slow meticulous experience until I get what I want created; just right... and or thoroughly memorized. And practiced performances until I can perform something successfully.
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The issues I feel;
Im feeling tension when letting go and facing the concept of memorization; It feels like a school class or testing. Its not; but that's what it feels like. I can feel the negative under-thoughts being triggered. So; PTSD being triggered.
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THe idea of performing; scares me. With AVPD/Agoraphobia; strains of it still; its obvious to me it would be painful to expose so much of myself outside.... However; this pain can be lessened by different methods... PTSD is a problem.
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So; Again concerning performing; It feels like I'm being controlled or an authoritarian is telling me what to do. I can feel the anger and fear; This tells me bullies and others controlling me when young; everything is getting triggered.
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So; within this work ethic are the problems. Ill pray to GOd for help...
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