July 2025
June 2025
The universe is opening things up for me and what I need in relationships.
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THese are secrets from the universe....
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First; All along the developmental number line from birth; to my surprise; no development from my mother; absolutely nothing. Looking back I can see it; several times in childhood it was obvious; What was not obvious; I was defensive and hiding in TV shows. What I failed to understand; that without the television shows; nothing existed; I was not getting any other kind of development from my mother; zero; nothing.
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Im looking at it clearly now; completely nothing ever.
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When I would meet a young women when I was younger; She would want to make out; at that moment I would turn back into a 6 year old and I would want us to team around like very young school kids together.. like we were innocent children best chums... Like we were 5 years old together... Why? No development from my mother at 5 years old. I could not control this; I would automatically switch out into a child level to get the young women I was with; to give me attention and affection my mother would have give me if she spent long hours with me when very very young; 3-8 years old; 3-5 years old; Like I was a small child and she was an adult women mother... playing the role of a mother with me.
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Thus; I would not establish a romantic relationship or an affection intimacy relationship between a man and a women...
This would make the young women I was with; loopy; I would keep showing up around her but do nothing sexual or intimate but would continue to act close to her; she was be in a state of confusion; I would not establish any kind of relationship with her; ( she would initiate sexual moves or affections in several different ways; I would reject them) ( she would be in a complete state of loss and confusion and dejection; but would still sense I liked her); soon she would become competitive; start acting out; But after a certain amount of time; in confusion and frustration; She would ask me to leave. It may be a year later or 1 1/2 years later.... Maybe a few months... They were at a loss of words and deeds... Soon they would write me off as a fool.
I was pathological; I could not control this behavior. My nervous systems desperation for a mother out exceeded any other desire I may have had; it wanted to survive and sought that as much as seeking food. If given the chance...
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No development with my father; nothing; so; along the developmental number line with my father; nothing; this means Im going to fall through the gaps with other people.. I will not be able to follow through; I did not get the right amount of encouragement from my father when very very young. I got nothing...
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From both my mother and father; complete absence; thus Im not functioning around other human beings; I cant; and I cant move forward or follow through. And I revert back to childhood and try to establish child like relationships with adults... I pathologically want them to play out mother or father roles with me I never got during the beginning years of my life... I do not seem to control it... and it takes precedence over everything... I cant help it or control it.
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So; The universe is showing me more n more.
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What is the solution; I pray for God to bring the right people to help me pre develop; or in pre development; to paly the roles of a mother and father for that very purpose of ages 0-10? something like that; all along the number line.
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I didnt realize; when very young I was always trying to escape those people ( mother and father) into the houses of other people for one purpose; that they play the role of a mother and father and give me the development attention I did not get from my original mother and father. That was all seek; The universe will help me with this.
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Any women; including my first love; they had one purpose; to play the role of my mother that I get pre developmental attention from her that I may develop so I could continue on with my life and survive; And to be loved; I was starved for love..
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I was so starved for love I did not know its name or what to call it. I learned to live with out any... soon I crumbled but did not understand why. TV shows could take me so far... supply the synthetic attention I needed. But I needed real attention... and the TV shows could not supply that...
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So; Im starting to get it. Now I pray for the next round; the idea is to fill in that pre developmental time I was suppose to play with my mother and be loved and looked after by my mother and the rituals of a father to a very young child; all of those needs as well; To have all of those roles filled. to have others fill them...
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So; pre development before relationships; those years before a relationship; they must be filled in. After that; if I can get up to the maturity ages of about 14 to 16; I can take it from there...
NOTE: With a substitute mother and father; Im thinking; age 4-8 10-14; all along the biological number line.
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This can be done. The Poor people I used when young... I waisted allot of their time... so sorry! God forgive me...
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SO; these are the beginning answers I was looking for from the universe... The universe suddenly fills my head with answers from the universe; these thoughts did not come from me...
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I will receive more..
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